Bridesmaid to a waiter: What a beautiful wedding

Waiter, about to reveal that the poor groom’s bride is a whore: Oh you haven’t heard?

the number of people making comments on this post about how there’s nothing wrong with being a whore is far too high like i’m not trying to shame people who are promiscuous or sex workers this is a fucking reference to a song and if you dont understand the reference dont reblog with some idiotic trying too hard to be progressive shit its literally a joke about a lyric from a song it was never, and never will be, that fucking deep. if you dont get the reference literally just shut up and dont reblog this post oh my god

by fall out boy

I dont know what’s funnier the people getting offended because they don’t get the panic reference or the people getting offended because they don’t get the fall out boy joke

Comprehension of this post is what defines the Millennial / Gen Z generational boundary.

“The party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.” -Orwell, 1984

Normally, I feel like people are way too liberal in calling things “Orwellian”, because I’ve seen people claim everything from speed limits to environmental laws to privately owned security cameras in stores as being “Orwellian”, but Trump, in this instance, is utterly Orwellian.

the human body is so fake like i’ll be reading the news and it’s like “25 year old woman free falls 1,500 feet into 25 feet of snow, found alive and uninjured” and while I’m absolutely reeling over that I don’t even have time to process it fully before I look at the next article “25 year old man falls into shallow end of pool, dies instantly.”

like our bodies literally have the durability predictability of an iphone

one time I misjudged how steep a “hill” was and proceeded to slide down the slope of a cliff for a full half minute and hit the bottom unscathed.

then I tripped on the stairs on my way to see Neon Genesis Evangelion and shattered my entire kneecap.

We have god mode or one hit K/O no in between

But now the sound of love is out of tune. Depressed Witch & her Crow

Idk which version I like the most so I post them both www.ko-fi.com/KehmyLudie

Best YA Literature Male Characters:

1.) You

2.) can’t

3.) rank

4.) them

5.) because they’re

6.) all different

7.) and unique

8.) in their

9.) own way

10.) Elias Veturius 

can i get uh……..McDeath™

is that that one play by Shakespeare

yeah

That’s so sad Alexa play what’s new pussycat

That’s so sad Alexa play what’s new pussycat

That’s so sad Alexa play what’s new pussycat

That’s so sad Alexa play what’s new pussycat

That’s so sad Alexa play what’s new pussycat

That’s so sad Alexa play what’s new pussycat

That’s so sad Alexa play what’s new pussycat

That’s so sad Alexa play it’s not unusual

That’s so sad Alexa play what’s new pussyca

do you ever just stop and think about how fucking long you’ve been on this site and how seriously you take it sometimes? because i do. i’ve spent christmas nights here, i’ve locked myself in my room on new year’s eve to blog here……. this hellsite, as bad as it is sometimes, has taught me a lot about culture and social discussions such as racism & sexism . tumblr literally raised me 

im literally sitting here minding my own homosexual business and my petty ex gf just decides to send me 20 pix of her and her new gf making out like im not the one who broke up with her in the first place hfkvhbfjdhddhbgv

Hello literally sitting here minding my own homosexual business and my petty ex gf just decides to send me 20 pix of her and her new gf making out like im not the one who broke up with her in the first place hfkvhbfjdhddhbgv, I’m Dad!

Dad^bot^1. You’re a good Human®! ^_^ | PayPal | Patreon Beep-boop!

Hector: Imelda, como se dice “un zapato” en inglés?

Imelda: A shoe.

Hector: Salud.

Imelda: 

I can barely understand Spanish and I screeched

Unknown (via help-n-quotes)

((The ability to appreciate and evaluate human aesthetic is not determined by your sexuality))

THANK YOU

Reblogging at the speed of light

“Aw what a cute cat!”

“What I didn’t know you were attracted to animals!”

everyone always talks about the wendys twitter, but

let’s talk about moonpie’s twitter

Moon pie is so nice and responsible

He’s a very good boy

Ohhh my God

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it’s a cold and it’s a broken despacito

I have this tablet that I have not used much so I’d like to give it away.

some iconic dialogue that sounds like its from the great canon of literature but are actually from memes

feel free to add more!

• you kneel before my throne unaware that it was built on lies

- take this gift, for the gods surely won’t

the reason these feel like “quotes from epic literature” is because most of these are in iambic meter, or end in iambic meter, which we associate with old literature because shakespeare wrote all his plays (or nearly all of them) in iambic pentameter, and many other famous authors and poets also wrote in iambic pentameter or similar.