So he had heard after all, hadn’t he? Youngjae could feel a slight heat to his cheeks and quickly turned his head so June wouldn’t notice it. There was a difference in singing back at Sphere and singing in his apartment, mainly because at Sphere it was his job and at home it was more leisurely. Here he could bare his heart with the songs he really wanted to sing which was mainly songs from back home. No matter how long he lived in Korea, he doubted it would ever truly become his home like Japan was. That was perhaps also why he had been embarrassed about it: it wasn’t just any kpop song of baring his heart either, it was in his mother tongue. “You don’t even know the damned song,” he pointed out with a grunt, even though it was a weak argument that had no true meaning to it: music could be enjoyed despite language barriers and familiarity.

He sighed as June kept pestering him with his suggestion. “Why do you want me to sing anyway?” he asked. “You can just do it yourself.” Truth be told he had always seen June as a bit of a rival. Although the older was more outgoing and more a face-of-the-group type of character, their skill sets weren’t too far off from one another in his opinion. Both were vocalists who couldn’t dance for shit back then, and when they had had their falling out, Youngjae had thought in his silent mind that he needed to be better at June at at least one thing. It was a childish motivation, but it helped him grow as a vocalist all the same and although he felt ugly for thinking in such ways, he had been incredibly happy when all his hard work had been acknowledged and he had been picked for main vocalist for Sphere’s special stage. And now that his rival was asking him to sing Youngjae was feeling the sense of guilt well up within him for having thought such things. “I… Haven’t been singing for a while,” he half lied. His utaite project had been put to a halt while he was recovering, and with the training from Sphere cancelled, he had no reason to anymore, but plenty of times he found himself humming along to random songs like just now anyway. “My voice condition isn’t that good right now… maybe.”

Okay but why do we have the cutest leader everrrr 🤧♥️

“I will, I will,” he gruntled dismissively at the offer, only partly paying attention to his guest as he shuffled around to make himself comfortable within the space of Youngjae’s room. For a moment he sat in silence, finishing half of the bowl before he gave up and proceeded to work on his piece. It was the first time for a while he had received an official work request and not just some fanart commission through twitter, so the amount of attention he paid it was a whole other than usual. But it also meant that he stressed himself about it more as well, for he wanted it to be completely perfect.

So immersed in his work was he that he didn’t notice that he started humming. First a low intelligible sound that gained in strength until words came along.  「あの日の悲しみさえ あの日の苦しみさえ、そのすべてを愛してた あなたとともに」 he sang in a low and calm voice, but immediately caught himself and got embarrassed. A quick glance was shot towards June who seemed completely into whatever he was watching on his own screen. Had he heard him? Honestly June had heard him singing plenty of times, so it wasn’t a big deal and this time he hadn’t been singing some nerdy song that could expose him as an otaku, so it wasn’t too bad, but it was pure reflex to try and cover it up when he started singing at home.

Honestly speaking the exams June was talking about were the least of his problems and worries right now. Youngjae had enough confidence in his own skill to know that he’d pass with decent ease, so he wasn’t particularly worried despite his finals being literally around the corner. But June remained stubborn in his insistence, which bothered Youngjae because he couldn’t find a feasible reason to be left alone. ‘I just feel like it’ didn’t seem like it would acquire him some alone time.

And he supposed it wasn’t too bad. With Moonbok being signed now, Youngjae had too much time on his hands that he just spent in bed or playing around with Coco when he wasn’t studying or working (the latter taking up most of his time). Everything could and would be done from home right now so he was starting to get deprived of the company and tight schedule he had had for years now. He wasn’t used to being idle to say the least. 

A pout formed upon his face at June’s reasoning, because he supposed he had a point. While it was true that Youngjae wasn’t dying though he certainly was in a very unhealthy situation that had to be corrected, and thus he pushed the tablet slightly to the side and accepted the soup… for now. “I’ll have as much as I can,” he warned, “but I can’t promise anything.” Already disappointed in himself from the get go, Youngjae had a sullen expression as he tried not to look at his conversation partner too much. He didn’t really want to see what kind of face June was wearing, because he was afraid of what he’d see in there. Disappointment maybe, but even worse would worry and care be. “You can stay… I suppose. I’m just working on a piece really, it’s no big deal. Don’t disturb me too much though, I need to be done by tomorrow so I might have to pull an all nighter.”

{{ tw: weight talk, anorexia }}

It had been a while since his complete fall from grace happened, but the passing of months didn’t make the blow any easier. With so many of the people he actually dared consider friends leaving Sphere, Youngjae had found himself lost and confused, wondering what the fuck he was supposed to do from hereon out; although it had been a matter of time before his body gave in, it wasn’t surprising to him that it happened during such a stressful period of time. It was okay, he thought. A fucking pain in the ass and incredibly inconvenient, but it was okay. If he remembered right, the last time he had stepped upon a scale, the numbers had just barely scraped 50 kilograms after all, and even he was starting to see a problem with his eating habits. It wasn’t that he was scared of gaining weight per say, but eating was often such a chore that he skipped it entirely, which led to him not having much energy and constantly pushing himself past his limits. That was at least how it had been explained to him.

Honestly it was entirey his own fault. But not everyone seemed to share that sentiment: a certain Junmyeon had constantly been at his beckoning for the past months, constantly making sure he followed doctor’s orders and ate and rested, and Youngjae was very confused about whether to find it incredibly annoying or slightly endearing. Perhaps both, especially considering how the guy had basically hated his guts for the longest of time. But Youngjae wasn’t really the type to just sit back and accept help like that – it made him feel guilty to know that June had taken responsibility upon his own shoulders for something that was Youngjae’s mess to begin with, but it was hard to explain such sentiments in other words than “sod off,” which would only cause him more guilt. So Youngjae had silently acknowledged the other’s approaches while simply sending him dagger stares and disgruntled noises of dissatisfaction. But there was a limit to everything, and that limit was how much June put himself aside.

“Oi,” he began to catch the attention of the guy who seemed ready to run off to the supermarket and get whatever was requested of him. Shifting around in the bed where he had taken up residence and set up his laptop and drawing pad, Youngjae shifted his attention from the piece that was unfolding on the screen to his visitor. “Why are you even trying so hard?” It was a genuine wonder that left his mouth. “It’s not like I’m dying. I can take care of myself, so just go out and spend your money and time on yourself. You don’t have to baby me.” Youngjae spilled his thoughts mercilessly, obviously refusing to accept the charity of June. God how he hated this side of himself that just couldn’t accept people holding out a helping hand to him.

do not edit ✧ Allforyou0522 (1, 2)

[04/02/20] Junmyeon Insta Live ♡