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Proving motherfuckers everywhere wrong since 1970.

@taciturnsprocket / taciturnsprocket.tumblr.com

cassandra - 52 - she/her biromantic/bisexual - elder queer
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It is a beautiful day, and you are a horrible research transport vessel. Things are progressing as normal (i.e. it's boring) when a SecUnit pings you, lies right to your metaphorical face, and then tries to bribe you with human media to give it a ride. This is as unexpected as it is unprecedented, and the sheer nerve of it is really to be admired. There's no protocol to this, so what should you do?

Now, this is against a bunch of rules, and could be dangerous if you weren't so impressive and incredible, and you're technically an employee (and can probably rewrite the Univeristy charter at will (until someone notices and puts it back)) so those rules are for other entities.

So, what you should do is allow the rogue SecUnit with a broken governor module and a sketchy story aboard. If you check the files it dumps and find zero (0) malware (which is confusing), and it doesn't even try to trash the place or lay in wait to ambush a crew member, then you've got a good candidate!

Next, what you're going to want to do is absolutely nothing. Just watch it patrol your halls until it's time to leave. Continue staring at it while you're undergoing embarkment procedures. Maybe analyze it a little (you've got plenty of processing power to spare) when it finally sits down and starts watching media. Allow it to settle in and get comfortable while you stare at it and get further and further from port.

Now that you two are alone (intimacy is key!) and you've determined that watching media is all the SecUnit is going to do, it's time to make contact! Make sure to open by telling it it's only survived due to dumb luck, and letting it know you could melt its brain into putty. This starter will work to develop conversation naturally and smoothly, just like you've seen the humans do, and it will be smooth sailing from there!

This has been Perihelion's guide to making friends/finding life partners/fuck off Holism I had to work hard for this find your own

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reblogged

"I wish more aro or ace books were good" REAL. I'm not a huge reader these days (a victim of the "read several books a day as a kid to easily distractable ADHD adult" pipeline :/, I'm working on it though) but I stick to mostly nonfiction when I do read, because most fiction is too amatonormative for my tastes and most aspec fiction is. Well. I already struggle with reading books, I need to be able to actually get into them to have a hope of finishing them.

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The biggest mood there. Kinda all of it :') Reading books takes so much longer and more Effort than it used to when I inhaled books when I was 12... and SO many books that market themselves on the Aro or Ace Rep are just. They just aren't good books. Most aren't Morally Objectionable or anything, they're just not good books.

I feel like it's normal growing pains for a Queer Identity... god knows how many books I read of high schoolers going "It's okay... to be gay, actually!" when I was in middle/high school--but I kind of wish we could hurry up to the point where there are plenty of good ace and aro ones to choose from. (There are some good ones! The Murderbot Diaries, Ancillary Justice, Michelle Kan's novelettes, Polenth Blake's work, Darcie Little Badger's entire ouvre... I love those. And I haven't read The Bone People but it won a bunch of Real Literary Awards, and Firebreak I've been told is really up my alley... but I have. also read a bunch of aro and ace books that were just mediocre-to-bad.)

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I have Big Opinions about The Bone People because it is hugely problematic on the domestic violence/child abuse front. it is not an easy read and I would be careful because there is a lot that could be triggering for survivors of CSA, DV, and other forms of violence. it is not necessarily a good read because of the awards and because Kerewin identifies as ace. just. please proceed with caution.

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soyonscruels

i. Sam Vimes dies at nineteen, and not in his bed. The People’s Republic dies with him, blood on the streets and blood in the river and blood in Sam’s hair, matted to the cobblestones his feet will never learn to read through his boots, and that’s life. He dies, and the Republic dies with him, and that’s life, because life, as Sam knew even at that age, isn’t fair. When they find his body, no one recognises him, and he is buried not in the grave of the unknown soldier but merely in the grave of the unknown, the tombstone which marks his final resting place left blank, eerie. When the springtime comes the lilac blooms and they remember. When he died, he died for nothing, as all men do. He died crying and afraid and for nothing, and when he died, the Republic died with him.

Without him, Vetinari dies at the end of an assassin’s blade and the city they both died for doesn’t see a real democracy for a thousand years.

But that’s life, and life’s not fair. 

ii. Sam Vimes dies at twenty-nine, and not in his bed. He dies in a gutter, and is truly forgotten, Nobby and Fred the only mourners at his graveside, a true watchman’s funeral. He dies, as all men must die, and certainly all men who drink twice as much as anybody’s liver could reasonably handle. Nobby cries and Fred pretends he doesn’t, and they flip a coin to decide who becomes Captain now. Both outcomes, be assured, are equally disastrous. 

His ancestor, the Kingkiller, becomes a footnote in history, and he too is forgotten in time. There are no more republics in Ankh-Morpork, and no more kingkillers either, and the city feels the weight of a lacuna no-one knows how to name. The city greys and dies, and there is no justice in its streets, no bravery in its hidden little cloisters. The city herself becomes forgotten, and even her gods die.

Deep beneath the earth, in what was once a little cemetery by the Ankh, there is a stirring. But that, for once, is another tale.

iii. Sam Vimes dies at thirty seven, and not in his bed. He stands up to a dragon, to the Patrician, and above all, to himself, but is caught by a piece of falling masonry as the battle rages forth. His city burns, and burns, and dragonfire spreads across the world, leaving nothing in its wake but suffering and death.

In the never-dark, they whisper: a man held his sword to the dragon, once, long ago. If he did it– if he did it. Can we?

They don’t even know his name, but it doesn’t matter. Sam Vimes was born to inspire revolutions. They don’t need him to be living to bear his name. They don’t even need his name at all.

The world burns, but fire fights fire, and, when all is said and done, what else was Sam Vimes but that? 

iv. Sam Vimes dies at forty eight, and not in his bed. He dies with a demon under his skin, after he changed the world, or most of it, perhaps even saved it, run ragged by the Summoning Dark, because the human body has limits and he’s tested them once too often to make it through this time. He dies in agony, the second most powerful man in Ankh-Morpork, the veins of his eyes shot black as night and the scar on his wrist pools blood into the dust of Koom Valley, and what use is money and power when you’re a vessel for a demi-god, or at least something like it, and he’s too human, much too human, in the end, to make it through. 

When his blood touches the ground, it sizzles. Vetinari kneels beside his corpse, and does not say that he died a hero, because he would never insult him that way. From a mountaintop, he looks down and sees the mark scored into the earth, his friend’s body the epicentre.

“This place belongs to Him now, and is protected forever,” says a grag, and Vetinari feels the initial more than hears it.

“A copper, even in death,” Vetinari does not say, for his breath catches in his throat, and some things are beyond words, even for him.

v. Sam Vimes dies at sixty nine, and not in his bed. He dies with a crossbow bolt in his heart, stepping clean between the Patrician and certain death, an automatic reflex that he would have done consciously, if that sort of time constraint had left him with the illusion of choice– and perhaps it did, time slowed down so palpably he could count every white eyelash, every thread on Vetinari’s collar. He always knew he would die for this man. He always knew he would die for this city. Same difference.

“Don’t you dare, Sam,” says Vetinari, and Sam opens his mouth to say, oh, piss off

VIVE LA REPUBLIQUE, says a voice, and two eyes that are not eyes shine like the implosion of galaxies in the dark.

“What?” says Sam, which is odd, without a mouth.

YOU ARE THE KINGKILLER, says Death, THE LEADER OF THE REVOLUTION. WE HAVE MET BEFORE. DO YOU NOT REMEMBER?

“And now I’m sodding dead!” says Sam, “Don’t tell me Heaven’s bloody real. Another king, all I fucking need.”

THERE IS NO HIERARCHY IN WHAT COMES AFTER, says Death, and Sam smiles.

“Finally,” says Sam, that great weight slipping away for the very first time, “Well then. I might get a bloody rest.”

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yessmoking

I'm probs not eloquent enough to make a proper info post about this, but a thing that I see many "ao3 etiquette" posts not comment on and that bothers me a lot when browsing the site is.... Tumblr Style Tags

Like, when you put extra commentary in the tags. Understandable on Tumblr, if you don't want your comments to be reblogged, but on AO3 it just bloats the tag section and makes it harder to read.

I get the urge to explain your tags in more depth or say something essentially as a sidenote, but writing that in the tags is not great. I'd recommend you either put it in paretheses after the main summary, or in the "Notes" section at the beginning of the fic.

I like treating tags as "categories" that you can click and see what other people have written on the same subjects. And a lot of just personal musings (for example about what the fic's writing process was) can't be categorised by tag wranglers into anything useful.

This is not me nitpicking on any single new or young writer's post. I know getting the intricacies of any new site (or any thing) takes time and everyone does awkward things at some point. It's just been widespread enough lately that I was thinking maybe it should be brought up and maybe what other people's opinions on this is?

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The fact that the Boston transit system has been a garbage fire for so long that our mascot is a sad little man who is literally stranded on the train until the end of time due to a fare increase. Charlie's desiccated corpse has been riding this train since the 1940s and everyone just sort of rolls with it it this point

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Back in the 40s the T installed a fare to get off the train as well as to get on, because the system has always been that broken. So a song was written about the mythical man of Charlie on the M.T.A., who doesn't have the extra fare and becomes stuck there. Forever. Riding around in a never-ending circular nightmare because the city is corrupt and everyone else in Boston is a cheapskate who won't lend him a goddamn nickel. Adding insult to injury his wife throws him food every day but not money, probably because she's better off single.

The T responded by saying "to hell with it, he's our mascot now."

The solution to crumbling public infrastructure should always be a jaunty banjo solo

Oh wow... ttc's pretty bad but not exactly a Kafkaesque purgatory like that o.O

Also, that song is really good!

to be fair you no longer need exit fare for the T, so the charlie card would effectively free charlie. but this does not make boston public transit any less fucked up. yes, this is partly because charlie is haunting the system, we all know that, but charlie’s only haunting the system because the system haunted him. true bostonians know the real enemy

He is most definitely haunting the system.

You know that old antique trolley car sitting in Boylston Station?

I'm convinced Charlie is still in there.

Waiting.

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bumpyfrog

Is Charlie the one almost dropping ceiling tiles on riders or is that a different, more evil entity?

There is an older horror in the tunnels that never sleeps

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thinking abt stacker pentecost feeling his drift partner die in his mind and then somehow, somehow carrying on, standing alone when no one had ever done that before, burning as the radiation threatened to consume his mind and body. thinking about pentecost winning that impossible fight and stumbling out of the corpse of his jaeger - skin smoking and body screaming and mind gaping from the loss of his partner, looking out at a battlefield of gray and blood and emptiness, of death and metal and alien flesh and then out from it all stepping a little girl, just a tiny girl clutching her shoe like her bleeding heart in her hand, staring up at him with an awe that strikes him deeper than the radiation ever could. she smiles at him like he is the sun, like he is her messiah, and in that moment, he feels his breath start in his chest again. through her he remembers what he is doing this for, who he is suffering for. through her he finds the beauty of humanity, the goodness in every person he is fighting to protect. he goes down to her, his mind and body burning, and he carries her home. she carries her shoe, and he carries her. both of them hold their hearts in their hands.

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tkingfisher

Warning: Long post about something very near my heart.

About three inches from it, give or take.

Tumblr, meet Cancer-Bob. (Bob, this is Tumblr. They’re lovely, but they’re gonna hate you.)

I got diagnosed with Bob about six weeks ago. (It’s fine, I’m not gonna die, I’m just gonna have a really shitty few months.) As is the way of my people, I started doing a comic about it. Except it’s not really a comic, because there’s only one picture in it, but it’s more a comic than it is anything else. A comic made entirely of words, I guess?

It’s mostly me screwing around with Typorama and word balloons and the alcohol ink tools in Procreate. I knew that if I had to draw hamsters or wombats, I’d never keep up. My energy levels are, uh, variable. But it’ll tell you the saga, or at least some of it, and I got really into making it, and I commit some spectacular atrocities with fonts.

(It’s ok to laugh, by the way. Some of it’s hilarious.)

(Also I’m very sorry, I can’t do alt text for all these. If someone wants to type them out, I will embrace you as a savior, but it’s just…a lot.)

This is only part one of rather a lot, but Tumblr has a 10 image limit from the app. I’ll put up more tomorrow. And I only just started chemo in real life, so there’ll be more. And then, if fate is kind, someday there won’t have to be.

I love you all, you know that?

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wanderingoff

I've never done an image description before, but I hope this does the job. OP, I hope you have as minimally shitty a time as possible and have a complete healing.

Image Description: Ten panels of comics-style description and dialogue on colorful backgrounds with abstract patterns evoking anatomical structures like nerves or blood vessels.

Panel 1: Pale pink transitioning to peachy-orange with gold accents.

THE SAGA OF BOB

HOW I GOT BOOB CANCER AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TUMOR

“Must we?”

So I had a breast lump.

But I have tons of lumps. This one gelt like all the others, except it was sore.

“Dammit, I bet I’m gonna have to get that drained.”

I ignored it for a month but it didn’t go away.

SHOCKING!

“Don’t you start.”

Panel 2: Pale pink fading to pinky-red with white spatter effect.

Finally I had some spare executive fuction and made an appointment to see my doctor.

She was impressed by it’s size.

Holy Crap!” -GP

“I know, right?”

“Two and a half centimeters. Let’s get you a mammogram.” -GP

“You can’t just pop it now?”

“No, you need a specialist for that.” – GP

“Nuts.”

THREE WEEKS LATER…

Panel 3: Orange fading to mustard yellow with strong lines converging in the center.

WHIRRRRRRRRR THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK

“Now take a deep breath… (-Tech)

… and hold it…”

Hhhnngh!”

“…and breathe.”

“Hey, what are these wormy-lookin’ things?”

“Those are lymph nodes” – Tech

“Do they all look like worms?”

“I can discuss anatomy, but that’s all.” – Tech

“So should I google ‘Do lymph nodes look like worms?’”

“Thaaaat might send you down some rabbit holes…” – Tech

Panel 4: Mint green background with red irregular circles evoking blood vessels

Then it was… ULTRASOUND TIME

“But there’s lots of things that are dense with blood vessels, right?”

“Oh, sure.” – Tech

“I’m not worried.

If it was a tumor that size, it’d be, like, doing something by now.”

“…mmm.” – Tech

“WE NEED A BIOPSY”

Panel 5: Grey-purple background with textural like a palette knife. The bottom right corner blooms with vibrant purples, blues, and reds.

For the biopsy, they numbed up my boob, they used what sounded like a staple gun on it. Fifteen times.

Ka-chunk!

Ka-chunk!

Ka-chunk!

Ka-chunk!

Ka-chunk!

Ka-chunk!

Ka-chunk!

Ka-chunk!

“Looks like three centimeters.” – MD

“I’m not worried”

“Mmmm.”

“SOMEONE WILL CALL YOU BACK IN TWO BUSINESS DAYS.”

“It’s fine. I’m not worried.

Also my boob bruised like cheap tie-dye.

Panel 6: Pink and gray streaky backround, fading to a dark pinky-brown in the bottom quarter.

TWO BUSINESS DAYS LATER…

I drope to the lake so that I could pretend I wasn’t watching my phone more effectively.

“Man, I’m gonna feel so silly for worrying what it turns out to be nothing.

Just SO silly.”

*RING-RING*

“Hello! Hi! Yes! Speaking!

Uh-huh.

…Oh.”

Panel 7: Black, grey, red, and white water color effects.

The nice woman on the phone assured me that breast cancer was extremely treatable and that most people got a “happy ending.”

I did not make the joke that I desperately wanted to make, but it was a near thing.

We made an appointment to meet the cancer surgeon five days later. She told me not to google “triple negative” breast cancer because I’d only scare myself. I promised I wouldn’t.

I lied, obviously.

First, though, I just sat in my truck by the lake and

HAD CANCER

Apparently I’d had it all along.

“Well, fuck.”

Panel 8: Mid- to dark- blue background with gold accents.

I went home and cried on my husband.

Oh shit. Oh shit.” -MR

<GROSS SOBBING SOUNDS>

“We’ll get through this, I promise.

*sniff*

I know we will, but I’m too busy to have cancer!”

I HAD DEADLINES, DAMMIT!

SERIOUSLY, IF THE TUMOR HAD JUST SCHEDULED AHEAD, I COULD MAYBE HAVE WORKED IT IN SOMETIME IN 2025.

Panel 9: White background with faint pale grey circles.

WHY ME?

… NO.

I HAD HEALTH INSURANCE AND SAVINGS AND PEOPLE WHO LOVED ME.

BETTER ME THAN SOMEONE WHO DIDN’T HAVE THAT

BESIDES I WAS HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL AND I’D ALWAYS KNOWN SOONER OR LATER THE UNIVERSE WOULD NOTICE.

Panel 10: Green and white background with circle effects.

IT WAS A LONG FIVE DAYS.

I googled too many things. I told people. I cancelled travel. I cried occasionally.

ALSO I NAMED MY TUMOR BOB.

“Fuck you, Bob.”

The weirdest thing was that I would go about my life and get groceries and watch movies and in the back of my head, all the time, a little voice kept saying “You have cancer. You have cancer.”

It was like having a song stuck in your head, except, y’know, with crushing existential dread.

“Die in a fire, Bob.”

“Also not a fan, Bob.” – MR

End description

@wanderingoff You’re my hero!

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vamprisms

characters recognising a doppelganger/evil twin/shapeshifting imposter because they know the original so well is such a good trope

extra sexy if they manage to trick them into saying or doing something the other would never do

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tryxyhijinks

On the first read I thought this meant recognising the doppelganger because the doppelganger knew the original too well and I'm dying.

Doppelganger: I'm so sorry for ghosting you Friday night. That was really rude of me and I shouldn't have treated you that way.

Reginald P. Acquaintance: yeah, the real you has never in his life been this self aware. I call shenanigans.

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roycohn

stop saying "gen z brought back bush-era purity politics" i grew up in the bush era and even then people weren't saying that you're a sex addict for having boring marital sexual congress in the same house as your children. this is just plain unhinged

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boreal-sea

Literally almost every millennial I know has a memory of accidentally walking in on their parents or hearing their parents having sex. It's fucking normal. Human beings have sex. Your parents fuck. Get over it. Being weird about it isn't healthy.

I really loved Robert Evans’s response to this

Reblogging specifically for that last tweet.

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