Here there be monsters

I’M KERMIT THE FROG AND I TOLD YOU I WANT MY KERMIT THE FROOOOOOOOG T-SHIRT

Millennials should really rediscover MASH en masse. It’s dead on aesthetic for this generation.

Please rediscover M*A*S*H fellow millennials. It’s wonderful.

You’ve never experienced sarcasm and rebellion against the System like Hawkeye and Trapper and BJ’s sarcasm and rebellion against the System.

Do yourselves a favour and go watch this show

My 20yo film student daughter thinks it’s one of the greatest shows ever. They’re out there.

and i think to myself…. what a wonderful worm

i think we should remind musicians they can absolutely make up little stories for their songs btw. it doesn’t have to be about them at all. you can invent a guy and put him in situations to music. time honoured tradition in fact.

security called me at work today and told me they saw me outside chasing a frog around on the security cameras. i wasnt in trouble they just wanted to let me know they saw me. i didn’t catch him.

Further Americanisms that tell you to check on your American:

been better = in hell

doin’ alright = sad, needs hug

pretty great! = genuine actual baseline. Anything else ranks beneath this. Be Aware.

I’m here, ain’t I? = Defcon 5

Because someone asked, indications that an American is actually Having A Good Day include:

"Livin' the Dream!" - actively daydreaming about swandiving into a woodchipper

"Peachy!" - one minor inconvenience away from driving their car into a 7/11

"any day above ground" genuine concern for wellbeing

"I'm alright, just tired" - probably call someone, I need mental health support

*emotionless face and a thumbs up* - if I speak, I'll start crying

*breaks the law* *duct tapes it back together*

If your default mental photo of Marilyn Monroe is an over-saturated glamour shot of her with her mouth open, please take a moment to replace it with this one of her giving zero f***s about some bears eating garbage.

found this old piano in the bushes last spring, hiking around an island. it’s been there for so long the tree is growing into it & it makes me wonder who used to play it and why it’s outside

1) jazz fairies 2) midnight jazz fairy parties

so here’s a quick story

to help with decision making when going on a date, my bf and i created a list of 20 restaurants we like. 1 being ihop (as a joke, neither of us actually like ihop), 20 being our favorite steakhouse, with the rest in no particular order. we roll a d20 and go to the corresponding place

after i wrote the list down, he goes “roll it, let’s go to dinner tomorrow night!” i got excited, he got a die out, and i fucking CRIT FAILED and now we’re FORCED to go to ihop tomorrow because both of us are too stubborn to back out omg

me at uni

me at work

me at home

It’s a 2am surprise: The Tortured Poets Department is a secret DOUBLE album. ✌️ I’d written so much tortured poetry in the past 2 years and wanted to share it all with you, so here’s the second installment of TTPD: The Anthology. 15 extra songs. And now the story isn’t mine anymore… it’s all yours. 🤍 https://taylor.lnk.to/ttpd-theanthology

Bitch some of us have work in the morning

Some of us took our sleepy medicine but we soldier on