Time to vent! Days like yesterday make me feel as if 2020 has continued & no improvement in sight.

My boss is an asshole. This is nothing new really but seems to get worse the longer I work there. I honestly need to find a better job & hopefully somewhere with good people.

I found out that the teeny bopper has a role that hasn't existed in the 4.5 years I've been there. She's now the office manager & will make sure things are done. Oh ok while shopping on Amazon & looking at houses she'll boss me around.

To me this is another tactic he's using to get rid of me. He's in for a surprise because when I find a job I am taking it & he's lucky if he gets a one day notice from me. I will not put up with more shit from him & sure as hell will not train someone new. If he thinks this kid is the best thing ever, he's in for a surprise.

Since she's been there he has constantly put me down & said shit. He thinks he's being funny. The stuff he says can get him sued. He blames others for how things go there. It's time to realize he is the source of this.

Two gals before me that did the same job as me left because of him. One of them went on her lunch & never returned. He bad mouths her to this day & says how she brought the place down, etc. He honestly doesn't realize what he's like & how he treats people.

Well. A lot has happened since I have posted. I don't know where to start. Life has been...interesting to say the least.

1. I'm officially married. Wedding was intimate but nice.

2. I got kicked out of the place I was living at in San Jose. Found a place BUT then they said it's only good for 3 months & my time there is almost up. I haven't found anything yet. My living in my car is becoming more of a reality. I have meltdowns periodically during the day everyday.

3. My husband is still looking for work & living with his mom & step dad.

Moving in with my mom out of state is an option BUT I need a job before I relocate anywhere. I can't not pay for my bills & I can't collect unemployment if I quit. There isn't much left of that anyway because of when covid started.

I look on Craigslist, FB marketplace, reached out to everyone including family, people from church, etc. No luck. I'm literally going to live out of my car, join a gym for the shower & put my stuff in storage.

The place I'm at, they don't want my husband can't come over because they're paranoid if you so much as sneeze you have covid.

This morning my fiance & I got coffee (his decaf) & then we did grocery shopping for cooking mothers day one week early for his mom.

He gave his cat & one of his dogs a bath (the other 2 dogs got baths yesterday).

I ran back to the store to get stuff for dessert & a salad. I made a cheese enchilada skillet with a pulled pork carnitas. Dessert was a strawberry blueberry shortcake with whip cream & chocolate drizzle. I'm pooped.

I had this last weekend to myself. My fiance came down with a nasty bug the nephew shared with him & the rest of the family. So he stayed home to try & fight it off. I told him that as much as I wanted to see him I didn't want all those cooties so I wasn't going there. Besides for the next 2 weeks I'm driving there.

Saturday I went to Monterey. I sat at a coffee shop/bookstore I like to try & get the wedding figured out. I've been stressing out about it. I think cut the guest list further to just bridal party & family. Then do combined bridal shower where we can invite people that matter to us who we want to celebrate with but unable to invite to the wedding.

My car is still being worked on. I can't wait to have it back. I called the adjuster this morning & left her a voicemail to see if they determined who is paying for it. I really don't want to pay the deductible. Two reasons: it wasn't my fault & it would add so much stress to my finances. Especially since most of the money was going toward the wedding.

Yesterday I hardly left the house. Got a few things at the store to do food in the crockpot. Otherwise I stayed in bed, rested, read, watched cheesy movies & snuggled my cats. Boring? Maybe but that's ok.

I'm not in the mood to be at work. It really was hard getting up this morning.

Ended 2019 & started 2020 needing car repairs because of an accident.

I had Tuesday off - it's been dead quiet & we were going to be open for only half a day so I took the entire day off. The only time I left the house was to take stuff to Goodwill & go to the nail salon.

I had already backed out of my spot & putting my car from reverse to drive. This truck I had seen coming down the aisle wasn't even at the end when I backed up. He slammed right into the passenger back side of my car. He has some paint on his car & mine is all fucked up.

Got his info, went home & filed a claim with insurance. Made an appointment to drop my car off yesterday & get a rental. Got to the place & surprise they were closed. I'm here now waiting until they open.

With my luck, my insurance will say I have to pay my deductible which is $1,000 btw. Because money isn't tight enough & I don't have enough stress as it is right now. Physically I'm ok. Emotionally I'm drained.

I've been overly cautious since my last accident.

Wish me luck.

The struggle is real

Had a pretty good weekend even though we were on the go pretty much all weekend. And it's really hard being at work right now. I want to be in bed with my fiance being lazy. Is that wrong?

Cooked, cleaned, took care of nephew, Christmas tree shopping & decorating the house. All at his families house mind you. They have 3 dogs that mostly stay outside but come in on cold nights. Two share a crate the other sometimes stays in D's room otherwise in the laundry room or bathroom with a blanket. One was barking this morning & he hinted I let them out. I let two out & the other was content staying in the crate. At this point there was no point going back to bed.

I did get 8 hours of sleep & yet I can easily fall asleep right now on my desk. It's taking everything to stay awake or not use whatever vacation I have left to go home.

I still have to buy presents for my mom & fiance. I have most of the stuff for both but need a few more things. Finding the money is the hardest part.

I start pet sitting on Friday & planned on using that for the wedding photographer but um, may need to use it before that.

That's the other thing. I have very little motivation to do anything for the wedding. And I get married in 9 months people. NINE MONTHS. I have so much to do.

Ok time to do something. Boo.

Blah

Life has been crazy

I keep starting a post, write quite a bit then decide not to post. Usually because it's not very positive & just burning off steam.

Work has been insane. Everyday I learn things about the assistant that make me wonder how the hell she has made it to 22. The boss thinks she's amazing - probably because I've given up on updating him on how she does. We've been busy which is good...hard to keep up with everything sometimes.

My fiance & his mom have custody of his nephew. That's a long ass complicated story I don't want to get into right now. There's been lots of drama around it. My extended family is bat shit crazy & it's fucking exhausting.

He & I took said nephew to see Frozen 2 & he did surprisingly well. It cost a damn fortune. Sometimes I think he must forget I'm not rich. Doesn't help he still doesn't have a job. Don't get me started on that.

I've felt like shit lately & I think maybe it's caused by stress. I was telling my fiance & he said maybe I'm pregnant. Between that & the nephew calling me mom I was about to pass out.

Time to read & try to relax.

Blah

I haven't been able to keep food down. Eating doesn't sound good. No I'm not pregnant. 🥨🍔🍕😖😨

Sleep? Really hasn't happened. 😴

If I could, I'd stay home. On the sofa or bed, napping, tv & preferably alone. 🛌

Everything literally fucking hurts.

Can we just skip the holidays? That'd be great. 🎅🦃

How about the wedding? Too late to say fuck it?👰

What a day

This last weekend was quite possibly the worst ever. Today I have questioned what kind of a person I am & what God is saying to me.

I'm absolutely drained emotionally & physically. Alcohol & sleep sounds really good right now.

Please explain

Why do some people think it's ok for a woman to do the following:

1. Live with her parents/family after a certain age?

2. Helping said parents/family when needed?

3. Looking for a job & not just settling on any job?

4. Being a stay at home parent?

BUT if the role(s) are reversed & the man in a relationship does any or all of the above, it's unacceptable? And if the man falls under any of the above mentioned, the woman should leave him?

I have been given some unsolicited advice from some people, some of whom I respect, but regardless, are not ones that really are not people who should be giving input.

I finally found a man who loves me unconditionally & treats me right. Yet, because he lives with his parents, helps around the house & isn't settling on any shit job, some think I shouldn't marry him.

Of course it would be nice if he had some big wig high paying job. Yes it would be nice if he had a place we could call our own right off the bat. It would be great if my soon to be extended family was like one out of the movies that had no drama, sat around the table for family dinner, etc.

Listen, he is trying his damndest to get a job. I'd rather he be there for his mom then be like my asshole brother who wants nothing to do with any of us. I live with my mom & if I didn't, my ass would be on the streets because I can't even afford a room in someone's house.

The "men" I dated before him are man whores, drug users, felons, live in nasty RV's, & treat woman like shit. And they have jobs & to an extent don't give a shit about their families. So kiss me where the sun don't shine before criticizing my fiance. K?

Had a three day weekend because of a doctor appointment on Friday. It was going to be a few but only 1 doctor was available. I don't take time for myself so decided take the day off.

My fiance came over Thursday night & just left to head home. I hate when he leaves.

My appointment was, well, not great. I had blood work done recently including for blood sugar. Come to find out, it's super high. Way higher than it should be & alarming.

Spoke about a few things & set up other appointments. Then had more blood work done & spent $70 on prescriptions.

We were pretty lazy the rest of the weekend. Yesterday we went to Monterey but it was just chilly enough to sit on the beach. And his knee was hurting. So we went to the bookstore/cafe, got drinks & read. Came home, napped, cooked. Today we only left to get my car washed (I was too lazy to clean it myself) & a quick stop at the store. Otherwise, read,slept, cleaned & I made dinner.

Now, watching tv & waiting for him to get home. I'm not ready to go to work tomorrow.

Been a minute

Just to give an idea of what my day/weekend is like. Cleaning (with limited supplies), organizing & purging at fiance's kitchen. So far only attacked the fridge & now taking care of my future nephew. My boo is sick so I sent him back to bed.

It's raining it's pouring...

...the old man is snoring.

It's raining this morning which hasn't happened in a while. I like it - I even stopped the radio to listen to it (mind you it's mostly the cars on the wet road I hear). And it's gloomy...the kind of weather I've been waiting for. I'd be lying if I said I'm glad to be at work. Why couldn't this happen let's say yesterday when I was at my fiance's family's house.

I have a hard enough time being motivated at work & staying awake. Being in bed under blankets with my love sounds way better on a rainy day.

It doesn't help I kept tossing & turning last night. By 3:30 I said screw it & got ready. He couldn't sleep either.

Then there were road closures which luckily reopened as I got there. The rain had started already at this point. Then I saw the traffic the other way was at a complete stop which is unusual. Heard on the radio about a big rig accident.

I'm stressing out about life. Wedding, money, future. I keep telling myself to have faith it'll all work out. Easier said than done.

I have an ugly rash on my chest. I think it's a heat rash but it hasn't calmed down. I noticed it Friday when I got to his house. It's starting to freak me out.

I suppose I should try to do work. 😕

I must be in a red mood lol Is green really the it color of fall? 🤔🤣 https://www.instagram.com/p/B2O78EGAHWiMgd4vKXp76zPWnQjkYX5kgQ8XA40/?igshid=ny8alokp2mk0