new allison ponthier new lizzie mcalpine coming soon tommy lefroy its gonna be a sapphic sad girl summer y’all

My epic Dexter and Emma writing/vibes playlist is pushing near to 300 songs - help 😂

I just have too much inspiration for them 😍

when your card declines at therapy, so they make you rewatch episodes 13 and 14 of one day.

Excerpt from my Dex and Emma fic that lives in my brain rent-free, but won't probably see the light of day... 🥺

Edit: People actually like this? Wow!

Dexter is a cautionary tale of the need to accept discomfort as a part of life, with Emma as his contrast and aspirational example.

Throughout the show Emma embodies determination and self assurance. The only reason she thinks she can change the world is.. because why couldn’t she? In contrast Dexter has no idea what he wants and kind of resents having to even think about it, hence his jumping between careers and looking for purpose for the whole show.

While Em knows what she wants emotionally (the satisfaction or having made a difference, the achievement of doing what she always wanted) but isn’t sure on the specifics of what that will look like (I’ll write plays, no write poetry, no I’ll teach, okay no I’ll write a book), Dexter knows the specifics (I’ll be rich and famous) but doesn’t know what he wants emotionally (‘what will that look like?’ ‘I don’t know’).

While Dex is always running from uncomfortable feelings Em faces then head on and comes out the other side, able to learn from them.

As Dex is travelling to put off making long term decisions, Em has taken the first opportunity to do what she wants: writing, be it books, poems or in this instance plays.

On holiday Dex can’t allow himself to admit that he fancy’s Em and to leave it at that, he has to run from the honesty and vulnerability of that moment by adding on ‘but I pretty much fancy everyone’. In doing this you could argue that he looses his chance with her for several years, where as Emma’s confidence could have resulted in them getting together much sooner.

Dex misses his mothers last birthday because he doesn’t want to face reality. Instead of reacting to the fear and anger and pain of her diagnosis by spending every moment he can with her, or sitting down to have heart to heart talks with her, or helping her out in any meaningful way Dex runs away and numbs himself with substances, and is passed out for the little time he is in her presence.

When he’s nervous people won’t (or already don’t) like him on TV he again turns to substances to numb his feelings, and (instead of taking Em’s advice to ignore them) looks for reassurance from hangers on who don’t actually know him that well. He can’t sit in that worry/fear/discomfort so he finds a way to stop feeling.

When Dex’s marriage falls apart we see him running away to Paris to visit Em. And sure there are ulterior motives here (his hope and assuming that this could be the start of their romantic relationship) but the writer shows him literally traveling away from the country where his failed marriage, child and previous life were as he is show to be angrily talking about his divorce. As an image it appears like he’s running away from the reality of the divorce or running to Em for a distraction. It definitely supports Ems assumptions that he’s not serious about a relationship with her; she’s seen this behaviour in Dex before.

It’s even funny how in small ways we don’t see him handle upsetting things until the very end. Talking about his first marriage and the production the day became? Dex admits he didn’t want to rock the boat so he didn’t fight anything/reject anything/ have much say at all in his wedding. Sylvie drops off Jasmine? Dex is still at the cafe so Em is the one managing slightly awkward small talk. Jasmine practising her violin? We get a brief moment with Dex too but mainly it’s Em sitting through the recitals. In that last episode when they’re struggling with fertility, Em is the one who sits down and talks out her anger and fear and worry, where as Dex (who probably knew what the root of it all was) was happy to leave her to process it how she need to and support her while she did. If she hadn’t brought it up he wouldn’t have said anything.

That’s not becisarily a bad thing (Dex could have known that Em needed to process it herself before talking to him) but it is interesting that the writers engineer Dex to avoid all these moments of emotional discomfort. It reinforces his characterisation of being avoidant when confronted with conflict.

In contrast we kind of constantly see Em having to face hard moments and working through them.

Don’t know what to do with your life? Move to London to try and aim to work in your dream field. London life and restaurant job not going the way you planned? Commit to Dex’s suggestion of teacher training. Time to confess a secret? Here’s a hugely personal one about my past feelings for you. Past crush admits he kind-if fancy’s you? Stick to being honest about your past feelings and don’t take the opening to downplay them. You feel shit about your life and your secret affair? Well let’s turn that into motivation to finally write that book.

Not happy with your long term partner? End the relationship.

Emma’s whole confrontation with Ian is a masterclass in facing difficult conversations and emotions, being vulnerable and open and honest about your feelings, and finding empathy for another outside your point of view. And look what she gains from facing that hard in comfortable conversation? Closure, and a kind of friendship, one that lasts even after she dies.

When Dex confessed that he hoped they would start a romantic relationship in Paris, Em sits him down and starts that hard conversation about how she doesn’t think that is 1) what he even wants and 2) would work between them. She doesn’t brush off of hide from the conversation. And then when she has more information and time to think she commits to Dex.

Even after they sleep together there’s a scene of Em laying the ground rules, making it clear to Dex what she will and won’t stand in this relationship. That’s an awkward conversation to have but Em doesn’t hesitate and makes sure he knows from the get go what she expects and deserves. The writers are constantly showing us ‘Em doesn’t run from uncomfortable feelings’.

And then the tragic twist of fate: Emma is gone and Dexter finally has to learn to live with emotional discomfort. He can’t keep running because there is no escaping this, not like he did with his mum. Like he says to Imaginary-Emma ‘why would time change anything’. He is going to feel like this forever, there is no escaping it. Finally he is learning to face it, manage it, and work through it.

Of course Emma is far more than a literally device and is her own layered and well established character. But in this regard for Dex it’s almost as if she’s the final lesson for him to work through to grow up enough so he can eventually choose to return to the place they met.

And it could even come across as a reward for him; in learning to live with those difficult emotions, his reward is being able to remember Emma fondly, and to return to the place they met to seek out those memories. The memories are bittersweet, but now he remembers Emma as she was and not how she never got to be.

Like his dad said, he is eventually able to ‘live [his] life as if she were still here’ but in order to do that he first had to accept that she was gone.

good morning i am thinking of emma morley and her stubbornness in love. her immovable devotion to who she is and to do what she thinks she must for herself; how she refuses to lift a finger for anything that lies outside of what she feels she deserves in that point of time. this being dexter, separation from ian, or to not have a workplace lover twice her age. eventually she finds success, and in turn that makes her deem herself worthy of the merit of france and jean pierre.

but here’s the kicker, dexter is just as stubborn as her. or rather he’s persistent than ever before. his tragedies have turned him into an incurable open sore and his love weeps. and emma refuses. or at the very least she tries. but she knew the french word for tonsilitis, and jean pierre is too perfect anyway, and she’s been waiting on dexter to look at her all their lives. she thinks maybe this is their chance. how we’re all fools in love

– Mary Oliver, "Don't Hesitate"

ig: romneyellen

when mitski said "i don't think i can stand to be where you don't see me" and phoebe bridgers said "i'm gonna kill you if you don't beat me to it" and florence and the machine said "i love you so much i'm gonna let you kill me" and taylor swift said "i would die for you in secret" and mitski said "i say your name in hopes you'll hear it in the stars" and lorde said "i love you 'till you call the cops on me" and bleachers said "you steal the air out of my lungs you make me feel it" and the civil wars said "i don't love you but i always will" and there's so much art about killing and being killed and take it all, take my whole heart straight out of my chest, it's yours, it's always been yours

You're just a mammal. Let yourself act like it. Your brain needs enrichment. Your body needs rest. You feel hunger and grow hair. You need to pack bond with other sentient things so you don't become unsocialized and neurotic. You are biologically inclined to seek dopamine and become sick when chronically stressed. "Hedonism" is made up to place moral value on taking pleasure in sensory experiences. I am telling you that if you don't let yourself be a fucking mammal, as you were made, you will suffer and go insane. No grindset no diets no trying to be above your drive for connection. Pursue what makes you feel good and practice radial rejection of the constructs meant to turn you into a machine. You're a mammal.

the point of art is not to be great but to make it transparently obvious that there is something wrong with you

idgaf about career development im using the rest of my 20s to build my lore

just… learn to change the oil in your car, know how to darn a hole in your favorite sweater, take no for an answer sometimes, accept when you don’t know something, think critically, discern when to stand up for yourself and when to back down, possess integrity, hold yourself gracefully, be comfortable w eating alone and even more comfortable w being put in awkward positions, develop rituals and habits, observe as much as but hopefully more than you judge, talk freely but listen actively, if you offer unsolicited advice be willing to also receive it, apologize for interrupting I don’t care if you grew up culturally doing that it’s respectful to maintain awareness of the world you weren’t raised in, shop w a grocery list rather than by the seat of your pants, pick your friends up from and drop them off at the airport, have hobbies that hone your craft, speaking of honing your craft: take your creativity seriously by continuously challenging and sharpening it, this one can be endlessly trying but working to cultivate a healthy relationship w what troubles you rather than resorting to castigating yourself upon approaching that which is unfamiliar, never show up empty handed to someone’s home for the first time, and help them clean up at the end of the evening, but leave as soon as you start wanting to go home so you don’t tinge the otherwise enjoyable time you had w irritation, date yourself, do the dishes before bed, also make your bed every morning, and clean parts of your home everyday, always seek knowledge beyond traditional education, move your body as much as it allows so you may sustain some sort of secure relationship w it as you age, judge the capacity as much as you do the intent, have a curiosity-driven mindset, know that you and the world you live in are mutable, value different perspectives but remain steadfast in your principals and beliefs, write by hand as much as you type, take initiative without prompting, seek help when and where necessary, learn to be financially literate, have friends who are significantly older than you (some of my dearest friends are in their 50s and 70s), learn from failures and setbacks by acknowledging and growing beyond your limitations, be the friend you wish(ed) you had by building and maintaining meaningful connections, embrace opportunities for personal and professional growth, recognize both the importance of compromise and when to choose discord over maintaining the peace, express gratitude regularly

everything about this 🏹