Why was wearing Niqab traumatizing? I would really love to know your experience
I made the decision to wear it after I completed hajj when I was 14. I was far too young to make such a commitment. I wore it for a week while I was still staying on in SA, then coming back home, I was in Heathrow Airport, and I couldn't deal with the stares, how people were looking at me. It made me feel like a circus animal, like a freak. It made me feel even more outcast than I already felt at that time in my life. It was too much, and I remember running to the toilets and crying uncontrollably. A kind old woman who had been part of my hajj group found me and then went to get my mum. I told my mum I couldn't do it anymore, even after just one week. I felt so guilty and weak. My mum told me it was fine and that she had been against it anyway but it was my decision, but that we had to go tell my dad.
My dad is not an easy guy, and he had been parading me around the hajj group, showing off that his daughter was so great to have begun wearing niqab. He had been making plans that I would begin wearing it at highschool too. And the thought of that also had become too much for me as I was already the only girl in school to wear a full length skirt, and I was already bullied enough as it was.
Anyway, my dad got really angry and began guilting me about it, saying that if we were to die if our up coming flight were to crash, how was I going to justify myself to Allah. I mean, as a 14 year old I was terrified. I think my mum calmed me down and I ended up taking it off before the flight despite him. But I know my dad was more upset that his perfect niqabi daughter had embarrassed him than anything else. He certainly wasn't concerned about my emotional wellbeing or trying to understand me.
So basically, um, after that I had a period of depression, and I lost my faith entirely. I stopped wearing hijab when not out with my parents until I was about 18 when I decided to become a Muslim again.
I totally respect and admire those girls who do wear niqab - they have a strength that I just don't have. I would be scared to have that experience again and fall into a dangerous place once more. I have enough struggles with just wearing the hijab...i couldn't handle any more than that I don't think.
