A spaceship landed in the park. A door dilated and a robot rolled out, holding a golden disc in a transparent sleeve.

"Greetings! We found your sound recording. We enjoyed it, and have made one for you in return."

It placed the disc on the ground and returned to the spaceship, which took off.

sometimes when my mom gets drunk she goes into Liberated Women Mode, and one time she was real tipsy and while talking about her friend’s divorce, she very earnestly told me and my sister (both adults) that regardless of preference or relationship, she hoped we would both reach a point in our lives where we were having really good sex with really good people. and my sister said, “i do that now except the good people part” and i said, “sex is real?” and my mom didn’t love either of those answers

ur mom sounds hot is she single

my mom is in fact single, and if you are so determined then it’s not my fault when you find out why

okay here's the video from the tiktok post from earlier!

Like I said I appreciate the clickthrough but this is being posted in straightup video format for all of yall who ain't going over there

#shits I scrolled all the way back to the original because the search said there were zero 'carl sagan' posts on your blog#please post stills of the final version!#I wanna stare at it and read it#I will click the link to the tiktok

wait i got you i had to send images to the commissioner in order to set up the final order

painting in the theater again

(A few) reasons the Kill la Kill English dub is gold

I was recently reminded of this and it's just as funny now as it was then.

Never not amazed at the extremes people will go to in search for a new medium for art

Me: I don't get it. I thought I was doing a lot better than I was a few years ago. I'm like 10 times more on top of things than I used to be. How does everything feel terrible now?

The Tiny Me in OSHA-approved Hi-Vis Gear Who lives in my brain and pulls all the levers: Boss, it's the fascism. You're completely gunked up with cortisol due to the fact that your entire daily life is now underscored with a haunting awareness of the rapid erosion of your rights, dignity, and any and all social safety nets, and you're also bearing witness to the most vulnerable people immediately being persecuted. This creates a natural stress response that basically means you're going to continue having memory and organizational problems, as well as emotional imbalances.

Me: BUT I HAVE A BULLET JOURNAL AND I MEDITATE NOW.

Tiny OSHA Me: BOSS, THE FASCISM.

A selection of dragons, wyrms and other mythological creatures from various 17th and 18th century calligraphy copybooks which were drawn with single lines to practice (and show off) penmanship strokes.

Custom mending wizard with its own little pincushion

I’m inventing a holiday called Maslenitsapurimadan which is where you wait until sunset and then eat your own body weight in triangular pancakes

“Never did like that much,” is a baller and superb way to express your irritation with the way the patriarchy refuses to acknowledge how badass you are.

Word.

Before World War I, she shot a cigarette out of the mouth of the Kaiser of Germany at his request.

After the war started she sent him a letter asking for another chance, as she was afraid her aim might’ve been a little off.

Annie Fucking Oakley everyone

Annie Oakley!!! My childhood Idol!!!! I Love Her!!!

I’m doing the dishes

it’s a warm spring day

I watch out the window as my neighbours wiener dog wanders out into the garden in its little blue bandana

I stop, mesmerised.

It’s sniffing flowers — carnations, I think — for quite some time until it becomes excited by a bird overhead and bounces around to chase it’s shadow

the dog returns to the sunlit spot by the flowers and flops over, belly up, to bask in the warm light

“I want to be that dog” I say to myself. “I want to share with the world the peaceful joy that dog must be feeling right now.”

I try to take a picture; my zoom is not enough. I get weird and grab my pigeon-watching binoculars to get a better zoom, line my phone camera up with the lens. And I take one single, illicit, sleepy dog picture.

I hope the ends justified the means.

I bet that dog is having a really nice day.

what they don't tell you about making friends is you gotta be a lil annoying. you gotta push past the fear of "what if they don't want to talk to me" and simply ask someone how their day is going, send a meme. you cannot connect to people if you're both just awkwardly waiting for the other to start.

Apparently people who don't have executive dysfunction think that actually working on something is the hardest part of doing something. And that's why they get mad that you call the rest of the project "easy" after you've finally worked through doing the plan and know what to do when you're working.

So when you're through with the epiphany of how to make it physically possible to make the thing you're making, and you're sharing the plan with excitement, because the hard part is over, and now you only have to get your hands moving and do it, they get mad at you like

"it's not that easy! It's a lot of hard work! >:C"

they mean it, because

to them, working is the hardest part.

They don't have to fight their brains to get started. They don't have to fight their way through making the choices, making the plan, making yourself make the thing. People who don't suffer from executive dysfunction think that the hardest part is actually doing the thing.

when you have executive dysfunction, it’s like... you’ve just clawed your way up a long steep embankment of loose gravel, and you flop exhausted into the construction site, and you’re like “oh thank fuck, time to lay some bricks, i absolutely could do this all day” and the guy who drove to the site goes “what’s wrong with you man bricklaying is hard graft!”

not as hard as crawling up the gravel mountain bro

there’s also good hard and bad hard. doing the thing might be hard, but at least you’re doing it; it’s good hard. just getting to the thing in the first place is hard and it’s fucking miserable. executive dysfunction puts so many bad hard things in your way before you can get to even the good hard things.

sometimes i describe it as my transmission is broken, every thing else works fine but no matter how hard I pump the gas pedal, I ain't getting anywhere because I can't

I’ve never seen such an accurate analogy for what executive dysfunction is like

They are just like me forreal

every time I see film of a platypus I am struck again by how small they are

#How did I not know that platypus are tiny!?!#They max out at 2 ft long and 6 and a half pounds

My problem is that they look like duck-faced beavers, so I expect them to *be* the size of beavers.

Beavers are *huge* -- about 35 to 65 lbs (16 to 30 kg) and 3 to 4 feet long.

See, I always thought platypi were tee-tiny--like, the size of your hand--so the first time I saw one in the zoo, which happened to be a two-footer, I was like THEY ARE GIANTS NO ONE TOLD ME