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It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World

@magical-me / magical-me.tumblr.com

~Alison ~ 32 years young ~This page is old AF ~Pretty much just here to word vomit, reblog random stuff, and occasionally post something original
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1:45 a.m.

I miss D.M. so much. That is a friendship I will mourn forever. I have gotten past relationship breakups, even if it took a long time. I don't mourn my exes. But losing my best friend? That's a hurt that lasts forever. There was never a fight. There was never any closure. I just ran for the hills the moment I realized she didn't want me anymore and I deleted her on everything and regret that. I've tried reaching out a few times over text but I've never gotten an answer back. Admitingly, the desperate pleas were probably a little much, but I WAS desperate. I still am. I miss S.S. and I still often think about reaching out, but we weren't friends since kindergarten. We actually HAD falling outs. She felt like a friend soulmate at times, but things happened and it wasn't always healthy. D.M. should have lasted forever.

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"That could have been me"

I've thought that about a few things today.

Life could have veered off in drastic ways in my past, both good and bad. Today has had me reflecting on that. Like, I could have been a really fucked up drug addict if I stayed friends with a certain person/group in middle school. I have had enough problems without being introduced to drugs at the age of 13.

And then there's the other thing... what if We had worked out all those years ago? Instead I was the one before THE ONE. It's super fucked, but I don't think I will ever be as happy as them.

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“but it wasn’t that bad”

did it hurt? did you feel scared? unsafe? were you embarrassed? humiliated? terrified? did you feel confused on why? does it keep you up at night? do you avoid being in a similar situation? did you cry? did you want to cry? who told you it wasn’t that bad?

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Ya know, I keep thinking about how it's a good thing I'm not working at my old job anymore because they'd give me so much shit about being sick and missing more work after Rockville. Just the thought of it is stressful lol

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Rockville was this weekend and I seem to have come down with a case of the "festival flu".

I went to 3/4 days

I got to see the Foo Fighters from 3 rows back after waiting 4 hours in one spot

I moshed to the AoT theme song, the Rumbling, by the actual band (and got hit in the face with a pool noodle during another song)

I crowd surfed to Breaking Benjamin and got dropped (but then put back up!)

It's a good thing I waited until the last day to go harder because I felt broken yesterday. My body wasn't so sore today (though bruised) but then i started feeling sick instead. Whatever. At least it's before my cruise next week.

But yeah, this festival was weird. I seem to have become a lot more bothered by being alone. I used to be able to say "they'll still be people there I can hang out with or run into" but there's really not. I got one "friend" I was trying to find and the day he finally saw me (unplanned) was the day he was with his GF and sorta just waved at me. There was a lot of anxiety this time, especially on the first day. Foo Fighters day was mostly good but there was bound to be problems in the crowded situation I was in. I had to get away from a guy who kept touching my shoulders weird and who I kept thinking was trying to get into my back pack. Like, I can tell the difference between when someone bumps into you or grabs you when they're falling or something but this was genuinely uncomfortable and it happened multiple times, even after I kept whipping my head around and he "apologized". Shit like that is just one of the reasons I dont like to be alone. Another guy who was antagonizing people ended up thrown out by security because he was supposedly touching people when they wouldn't move out of his way. It was amazing seeing my favorite band so close but I dobt think I'd ever wait the way I did in one spot at a festival again. It felt more dangerous than any of the pits j went in because I thought actual fights would break out.

Idk it was a weird time.

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Omfg I never purchased pre parking for Rockville

Parking is $50 a day. What the FUCKING FUCK

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