tumblr - april 1st, 2024

The MELODRAMA

you SLAP miette?? you slap miette ACROSS THE ROOM

oh! oh!!!

insurance fraud! insurance fraud for

ONE MILLION DOLLARS

michael version of this

this is mag47 right

do you ever laugh with your friends and think oh this is the point. this is the point of everything

i like to pretend i already died and asked god to send me back to earth so i can swim in lakes again and see mountains and get my heart broken and love my friends and cry so hard in the bathroom and go grocery shopping 1,000 more times. and that i promised i would never forget the miracle of being here

Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life, Amy Krouse Rosenthal

(x)

Me at the grocery store: I don't need snacks. I dont. Need. Them.

Me, later: WHY ARE THERE NO SNACKS IN THIS HOUSE

haha, hey you're a pretty cool person *picks up your speech patterns and non-verbal habits*

Oho

tää kysely johtuu siitä et sain tänää tietää et jotku laittaa mansikkahilloo pinaattilettuihi ja haluun tietää et onks nää ihmiset vaan oma pieni ryhmänsä vai mitä

Jotkut laittaa raejuustoa. Aikaa eksoottista

puolukkahillo totta kai!

I low-key love the fact that sci-fi has so conditioned us to expect to be hanging out with a bunch of cool space aliens, that legitimate, actual scientists keep proposing the most bizarre, three-blunts-into-the-rotation "theories" to explain the fact we're not.

Some of my favourites include:

Zoo Theory: What if there are loads of aliens out there, but they're not talking to us because of the Prime Directive from Star Trek? (Or because they're doing experiments on us???)

Dark Forest Theory: What if there are loads of aliens out there, but they all hate us and each other so they're all just waiting with a shotgun pointed at the door, ready to open fire on anything that moves?

Planetarium Theory: What if there's at least one alien with mastery over light and matter that's just making it seem to us that the universe is empty to us as, like, a joke?

Berserker Theory: What if there were loads of aliens, but one of them made infinite killer robots that murdered everyone and are coming for us next?!!

Like, the universe is at least 13,700,000,000 years old and 46,000,000,000 light years big. We have had the ability to transmit and receive signals for, what, 100 years, and our signals have so far travelled 200 light years?

The fact is biological life almost certainly has, does, or will develop elsewhere in the universe, and it's not impossible that a tiny amount of it has, does, or will develop in a way that we would understand as "intelligent". But, like, we're realistically never going to know because of the scale of the things involved.

So I'm proposing my own hypothesis. I call it the "Fool in a Field" hypothesis. It goes like this:

Humanity is a guy standing in the middle of a field at midnight. It's pitch black, he can't move, and he's been standing there for ages. He's just had the thought to swing his arms. He swings one of his arms, once, and does not hit another person. "Oh no!" He says. "Robots have killed them all!"