There are two types of fanfic authors

“He was stupid” 

and

“He was the most unintelligent, dull-witted, half brained, dim witted, dull, simple minded, slow, idiotic, doltish, foolish, think headed, ignorant…” 

It's Ciri's sixteenth birthday when she asks her Dad for a polaroid camera. Geralt raises an eyebrow at her, the sentence "I'm not a stupid hipster, Daaaad!" engraved in his mind. But it's her birthday, so he can't really say no, can he?

"If you really want one," he says, "then go up to the attic and look through your Mom's highschool boxes. You can have hers."

Ciri's eyes widen in wonder. She doesn't remember much about her parents, most of it comes from stories other people told her. Often being told how much she resembles her mother, Ciri has started to mimic Pavetta - hoping to connect with her in some way.

So,

Ciri spends her morning in the attic. Sitting on the floor and carefully going through some of the boxes that are labeled "Pavetta - senior year". There's a lot of memories hidden in cardboard treasure chests and she takes her time to enjoy a bit of her Mom's life.

She finds the camera. It's a charming old thing, safely put away in a brightly colored shoulder bag that is adorned with stickers and pins and doodles. It's well loved.

She plays around with it for a bit and to her joy it still works. Then she notices the side pocket on the bag where a little stack of photos must've gone unnoticed. Ciri carefully pulls the pictures out and her heart flutters with excitement as she sees her Mom wildly grinning at her, Ciri's father Duny, standing in the background, talking to somebody.

Flipping through the photos she gets a great inside of what her Mom's highschool time must've been like. The best thing about the find, though, are the pictures Pavetta took of Geralt. She knows Pavetta, Geralt and two other friends were a band in highschool, but getting to see it is a whole new experience. To her surprise, her Dad looks kind of cool behind a set of drums.

And then she sees it. Her eyes grow huge and in disbelief she pulls the photo closer to her head. It's a band picture. Her Mom, her father, her Dad, another girl and an awfully familiar face grin back at her.

Ciri does what every teenager would have done. She pulls out her phone and takes a picture of the polaroid, posts it online with the caption

"so apparently my Mom was in a band with leadsinger (at)JaskiertheBard"

Her post goes viral over night. A few days later her favorite singer and songwriter has sent her a chat request.

Ciri accepts.

part 1?

The neurodivergent urge to do this

I posted this on twitter and thought the message should be spread elsewhere as well.

Friendly reminder that it *is* infact wrong to accuse either Johnny or Camille of having, wanting, or pursuing a 'personal relationship' at this time based on pure speculation alone. Not only is it disgusting morally at this time, but it is incredibly rude to Camille who is simply trying to do her job as an attorney. If you have nothing better to do than start rumors; kindly log off.

Who wore it best

shoutout to my coworker for thinking that “illuminati” and “alumnae” meant the same thing and absolutely destroying everyone in the room when he casually dropped the sentence “i get a discount there because i’m an illuminati” into the conversation

Just started imagining a Necromancer using their magic to create undead for the sole purpose of creating a musical number and they need back up dancers for their song solo.

Ah yes, the necromancer subclass: necrodancer

multiclassing in bard

Jane Austen really said ‘I respect the “I can fix him” movement but that’s just not me. He’ll fix himself if knows what’s good for him’ and that’s why her works are still calling the shots today.

Meanwhile Emily Brönte just said “We can make each other worse.” 

Mary Shelley said, "I can make him

purposefully puts my friend group into a horror movie situation so we're traumabonded together for life :-)

realised moments after posting that this was likely the thought process of fred jones from scooby doo

the best trope in media is: “characters turn on the lights, see the monster, and immediately turn the lights back off”

Runner Ducks.

Cross examination and watching her lies be dismantled (again) one by one is such a beautiful sight.

what’s the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a pot of glue?

you can tuna piano, but you can’t piano a tuna

What does glue have to do with this

i knew you’d get stuck there

Key moments in Depp v. Heard trial so far

At the moment the court room is silent. All parties are currently on their way to lunch while loyal followers and jury is left to ponder over moments of bafflement.

To begin with:

Heard testified that this is the moment that Depp sexually assaulted her at her party. But Vasquez was quick to point out that this was new evidence added into Heards testimony now.

“Johnny grabbed me by the pubic bone” Heard testified.

“But this is not in your inauguratory response” Vasquez pointed out

Then shows statement to Ms. Heard; “on page 57 you described the dinner?” Heard responded with a “yes, that is correct”

“You texted Mr. Depp asking him to bring up something to drink and some weed.”

“I don’t recall…..oh yes because the wine was in the closet close to the elevator.”

“Page 59, you said “Johnny grabbed me while holding me down.”

“It does not say that he grabbed your pubic bone.”

Ms. Heard was quick to respond that it does on page 64 “grabbed by V (private area)” but Ms. Vasquez was quick to point out as well “but not in detail as you have described on this stand.” (Could she have just lied under oath? )

Ms. Heard claims that after these events of her party, her and her friends drove to Coachella the next day and made a video which was showed in court of a happy Ms. Heard singing to The Rolling Stones “miss you” which Vasquez pointed out was a statement to Depp. Ms. Heard tried to play it off as no. (But all high school drama queens have been known to reference a song to their partner to get a reaction out of them)

“No injuries at Coachella?”

“You cannot see them” Heard replies; yet we can see her face clearly in all photos and videos shown of that day.

Many times we have heard Ms. Heard on the stand claim that she “never” did drugs while she was with Mr. Depp, but now her testimony has changed yet again to she did do some drugs but not as many as Depp did.

Vasquez grilled Ms. Heard that she did in fact do drugs many times with Depp and with others. Heard finally admitted that yes there was time she did drugs but then also tried to go back and say “but not like how johnny did”

Vasquez then plays a recording for the courtroom to hear. Ms. Heard is clear when she calls Depp “old”, “silver presence”, “f$chking kid”, “biggest f&cking seller.”

Ms. Heard can be seen showing little to no emotion to this recording being played while Depp gets emotional and begins to cry; at which this point Heard looks at him and then grabs a tissue to mimic the same emotion for sympathy.

Now in this recording it is clear that Ms. Heard is taunting Mr. Depp into a fight by using a baby like voice, laughing hysterically almost in a psychotic way. We can then hear Heard say two words loud and clear

“WASHED UP” meaning Mr. Depp.

Once the recording is over, Vasquez asked “Mr. Depp got you that role in Aquaman?”

Heard looks shocked and then gets all defensive by saying “NO! I got myself that job.”

But is this true? Did we really know who this woman was before this major blockbuster movie?

Besides her smaller rolls in larger films; Ms. Heard was never known until she did her first major movie with Depp, but even then we still did not know her.

Vasquez asked this question while going into detail of an encounter between Depp in Heard when Heard claims Depp was about to go on a drug binge but Depp and evidence has proven that Depp was trying to go into his house to see his daughter.

“You berated Mr. Depp” Vasquez asked

“I was trying to stop him.” Ms. Heard replies.

“That’s not what I asked, yes or no.” Vasquez repeats.

Heard tries to cry on the stand while looking at the jury to explain that she was trying to stop him from leaving to go do drugs.

Vasquez plays recording of said day between the two where is is clear for all the hear “Let me go in the house so I can spend time with my daughter.” In which Heard replies “causing so much f$cking stress I’m going to die.” She then pleaded with Mr. Depp to come home with her instead so they could talk but Depp was clear in the recording telling Ms. Heard he needed time and space away from her which she was clearly not giving him. Ms. Heard then changes tactics while on the stand and her testimony to say that Johnny was doing drugs with his kids In the room.

Another key point to think about today is the fact that amber could not get out a straight answer when asked a simple question of if she altered her own photos to show bruises.

Ms. Heard tries to alter other witnesses testimony while on the stand and claim they lied under oath.

“Is it your testimony now under oath; that the officer DID see these marks on you?”

“Yes, but they said they was not bad enough to report”

Everyone looks a little shocked even Heards lawyers who she accused yesterday on the stand of withholding evidence.

Vasquez brings up James Franco to which she says that Heard got the restraining order after Depp was already out of the country 9meaning he could not have left bruised on her face which we have all seen in videos of her leaving courtroom with bruise and turning her face for all to see)

We then see the video of heard and Franco in the elevator keeping their faces down but also coming together in a romantic embrace.

“That was you and Mr. Franco?”

“Yes”

“At 11 at night on 11/22/16”

“I don’t think it was at 11 at night”

Shows video again and it says 11:00 pm

“You knew Depp was out of town during this time?”

“I don’t recall”

Court will be back at 1:35