lmao… some of you peasants actually think goaltending is about preventing pucks from going into the net. real goalies score goals.

you absolute dingbat. utter buffoon. real goalies open the bench door and they close it. that’s their main function. do you understand how stressful that task is? open it too early? no one is there to come through. wasted energy. open it too late? McAvoy is face down feet up over the wall. it’s that split second where legends are made and heroes are forgotten. 

that’s how teams win the vince lombardi. do your research.

both of you are wrong, elite goaltenders are enforcers who murder the opposing goalie for unlimited goals

hockey player: uh, just gotta find the back of the net and, uh, really get in there, um obviously ya know we gotta work their d, and y’know the boys are doing a fantastic job and uh, we just gotta get out there and get pucks in deep

me:

I mean I’m a lesbian and I still have better taste in men than every mother fucker on hockey tumblr especially the ones that think men like McDavid and Marner are attractive

can we just take a sec for the dallas stars fanatsy team names

1. Segsraduuu – Tyler Seguin and Alex Radulov are sharing one team have given themselves a ship name and it’s adorable.

2. blake’s Team – Blake Comeau, new to the team and not that interested in customizing his fantasy football team name. Sure. Okay.

3. Sthlm Mfers – He’s not in the video, but I’d bet money on this being John Klingberg’s team, what with the Stockholm reference. I mean, our other Swedes are accounted for team wise, no? And because people are sharing teams, I am pretty sure there are Stars who participated in the draft, but weren’t in the room.

4. NoRacistRedskins14 – Jamie Benn, the cow-eyed surprisingly woke captain of my heart, I love him so. I could not have predicted this choice, but I am here for it.

5. 25x17 – Listen, I know Segs and Rads sharing a team is cute as fuck, but Devin Shore and Brett Ritchie sharing one is, in my humble opinion, cuter. THEY GREW UP PLAYING HOCKEY TOGETHER. They did their back home summer video as a pair. The fact that there is literally no fic about them is a crime.

6. ATM – I can’t decide whose team this is. Remi Elie? Jason Spezza? Valeri Nichushkin? 

7. Benjamin’s Best Team – Oh Bish. Name your damn team. Bish Please is the obvious front runner, but there are so many great options open to you.

8. Go FAKS yourself!!! – the exclamation points are a bit much, but Kudos to Radek Faksa, who deserves every wonderful thing, for coming up with a name related pun for his team.

9. Show me your tds – Okay, listen. On the one hand, this is a dumb joke a teenage boy would make. On the other, it’s a pretty good dirty sports pun. On yet another third magical mystery hand, which of these boys made this joke their team name???

10. Tyler’s Team – Tyler Pitlick hates fun.

11. Mattias’s Legit Team – Letting Yahoo pick your team for you is a dicey business, but “Legit Team” is kind of great.

12. George’s GIs – Whose team is this? What does it mean? Is this a reference I don’t get? MYSTERY!?!

Julie, Caroline and Liv Chu-Ouellette at the Les Canadiennes Home Opener

Spicy Hot Take: McCarthyism directly caused America’s obsession with putting everything in Gelatin

It is certainly predictable that McCarthyism, the American era defined by widespread paranoia, division, and interpersonal suspicion, would result in a profound need for feelings of safety and security. Yet paradoxically, under these constraints, overt expression of such a need only arouses further scrutiny (hence the old adage, “if you have nothing to hide…”). In the absence of opportunities for overt expression, such needs are expressed covertly, woven subconsciously into our everyday routines and behaviors, of which food preparation is no exception. To suspend a food item in gelatin is to simultaneously a. surround it, providing security, b. make it untouchable, providing safety, yet c. still allow the food to be inspected by an outside gaze (albeit through the filtered, flattering haze of clear or colored gelatin). Therefore, by preparing a jello salad, the cook unconsciously sublimates her anxiety through an act which not only satisfies the expectations of her sex role, but allows her to subconsciously enact what is impossible in reality: a simultaneous sense of exposure and enclosure. In this essay, I will

If your responses to my posts aren’t this good then don’t bother

to play

“He plays like he’s 26.” “Every single thing about him, other than his bio, would suggest he’s not 19.”

me watching hockey: 

John Oliver destroying Gritty while also saying every single one of our thoughts since this god forsaken mascot has hit the internet.

i love ben bishop..