when i look at you | harry styles (10k celebration fic)

authors note: happy 10 years to 1d and happy 10k followers to me, thank you so much!! so, this is my fic for fallinharry10k writing fest (which has also been ready for a couple weeks now). +30k words of pure angst and fluff. i’ve been working on this for the past two and a half months and i’ve faced so much doubt that i wanted to just delete it and give up but i pushed through and it’s finally here and ready and a long fucking ride so buckle up, get some snacks and some tissues and good luck!! (psst, also, there’s gonna be a bunch of spinoff oneshots and blurbs that will make up for the lack of smut in this long ass bible-like fic) xx

summary: he’s a popstar, she’s his best friend. he has an album to write, she has a kid to raise. supporting each other through thick and thin, it isn’t until he’s welcomed to the world of god-parenthood that he finally realises what’s always been right in front of him.

warnings: a hell of a lot of angst and fluff, mentions of fire, emotional/mental manipulation, hella insecurities and solid, 30k worth of angsty slow burn and convincing unrequited love.

word count: 35,982 (yikes i’m sorry)

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Keep reading

i’m so in love

MARVEL WOMEN + Knowing their own strength

That’s Us//T.H.

Pairing: Angel! Tom Holland x Demon! Reader

Summary: Two wrongs won’t always make a right

Word Count: Around 790

Warnings: Just swearing

Prompt: Please, shut up and just dance with me.

Wrote this for @kelieah​‘s 1k writing challenge. Hope you guys enjoy and ty @harrysleftchelseaboot​ for beta reading this :) This is also loosely inspired by the song That’s Us by Anson Seabra.

One would think there weren’t many sins a demon could commit, after all, they ended up in hell for a reason, didn’t they?

Even in a world of sin, there was always room to do something worse that could be done to land any demon in an even worse hell than the one they already lived in. Y/N had always thought it was a ridiculous thought until she had sex with an angel, with the fucking prince of Heaven in fact.

What else could the princess of Hell do when she had always believed she’d love anyone as much as she loved herself though? Tom had arrived into her life and she felt as drawn to him as a moth would to a flame. There was something about those dark brown eyes that ignited a feeling inside of her she didn’t even know she could feel.

Keep reading

i’m not sobbing, you are

Where We Start Again

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Playlist by @tiny-friggin-human 💛

Synopsis: how do you fake date someone you have real feelings for?

YOU ARE THE MUSIC IN ME - JOSHUA BASSETT

Summary: Y/N works on the set on High School Musical: The Musical: The Series in the hair and makeup department, meaning she spends more than enough time with the cast. Enough time to develop a crush on one of the leads, Joshua Bassett, but Y/N doesn’t want to do anything because she’s sure Joshua had his eyes on someone else. She couldn’t be more wrong. 

Pairing: Joshua Bassett x female!reader

Warnings: fluff

Author’s note: second joshua post!! hope y’all like it. i’m currently working on some tom ones based on songs from niall horan’s new album (because i am obsessed to say the least) so look out for them soon! and let me know if you want to be tagged in future imagines & blurbs and things!

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Y/N never could have imagined she would be on a real TV set 6 months ago. If someone was to tell her that’s where she would be, she would have laughed in their face. It was the craziest thing that had happened to her in her whole 19 years of being alive and Y/N wouldn’t have changed it for the world. Y/N might not have been on the show and part of the cast but the cast treated her like she was. She didn’t know if it was due to the fact she was one of the only crew members similar in age to them or because they actually really liked her but she was so grateful. She had found friends for life. 

Most of Y/N’s time was spent doing the girls hair and makeup before they filmed any scenes, being highly talented in styling hair and doing makeup for her age hence the job, but she often found herself standing behind a certain curly haired boy trying to fix his hair. Y/N didn’t know why Joshua was the only boy she had to do hair for, not that she minded, but she assumed it was because Joshua’s hair was hard to tame sometimes and she seemed to be the only one to be able to do it. This meant Joshua and Y/N spent a lot of time together. 

Joshua always made sure he spoke to every crew member he passed, especially ones he spent a lot of time with, getting to know them and making sure they were okay. Y/N admired that about Joshua, maybe a bit too much. The whole time Joshua was in the chair while Y/N worked on his hair, he talked. There was never a single second of silence between the two. This didn’t help with Y/N feeling towards Joshua in the slightest. Joshua was always asking Y/N about her life, her interests outside of her job, her hobbies, her family and friends. The two had a laugh and probably got along the most out of any other cast members. It was strange to Y/N that he showed that much interest in her but she wasn’t going to complain. 

Y/N had probably liked Joshua ever since he walked into the makeup trailer the first day on set and introduced himself to every single person. He shook everyone’s hand and made sure to ask everyone for their name. Ever since that day Y/N’s feelings kept growing and growing. There was only one issue, Y/N was sure Joshua wasn’t interested due to his co-star, Olivia, who he seemed to be extremely close with in Y/N’s eyes. Y/N would have had no issues with telling him if she didn’t think he liked someone else. Whenever Joshua and Olivia were in the hair and makeup trailer together, Y/N’s heart sank a little. She hated seeing them together but there was nothing she could do. And she didn’t blame Joshua, Olivia was amazing. Plus, they were filming together all the time, they spent a lot more time together than she and Joshua did. 

In Y/N’s free time she liked to walk around the empty sets, imagine what it would be like to film with the cast. She had only seen them film a few scenes in the months she’d been working on set but it looked like they had so much fun. Y/N had stumbled onto an empty set one day, the set where Olivia and Julia sang Wondering. It was dead quiet as Y/N walked over to the piano, no noise except for her footsteps. She took a seat on the bench, her fingers lightly brushing the piano keys. Y/N was never one to sing in front of people, sticking to her shower and her car. She’d only ever been caught a couple of times by her friends back home in LA, who were insistent that she did actually have an amazing voice but she didn’t think she was that good. Without Y/N even thinking about it too much, her fingers began playing the only song she knew how to play on the piano, Little Things by One direction. Her fingers glided over the keys effortlessly, playing the familiar tune. 

“Your hand fits in mine like it’s made just for me but bear this mind it was meant to be. And I’m joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks and it all makes sense to me.” Y/N began singing along to the music she was now playing. Her eyes fluttered closed as her voice got louder but she made sure that it wasn’t too loud that hopefully no one heard her. “I won’t let these little things slip out of my mouth but if I do, it’s you, oh it’s you, they add up to. I’m in love with you and all these little things.” As she continued to sing, Joshua had been walking past the set to his own trailer for a little break. Y/N voice stood out, gaining Joshua’s attention almost immediately. It was beautiful. He couldn’t believe he had never heard the voice before and when he moved into the set and saw who it was singing, he was even more surprised. He had no idea Y/N had such a beautiful voice.

Joshua stood still as he continued to listen to her sing. “You never love yourself half as much as I love you. You’ll never treat yourself right darling but I want you to. If I let you know, I’m here for you. Maybe you’ll love yourself like I love you oh.” Y/N sung, her eyes opening again when she finished singing the last word. She expected to open her eyes and for the room to be empty like it was before but instead she was greeted by the sight of Joshua standing by the doorway with a smile on his face. When the two locked eyes, Joshua began clapping. Y/N had an amazing voice and she deserved to know that. 

“Wow, Y/N, your voice is amazing.” Joshua said, stepping forward slightly. 

“J-Joshua. Sorry I didn’t know anyone was around, I wouldn’t have-” Y/N stuttered out, feeling her face instantly heat up. She was flustered and Joshua noticed.

“No! Don’t worry about it. I’m sorry I interrupted you.” Joshua interrupted Y/N, stepping forward again. He didn’t want her being embarrassed or anything. But it was cute, her being all embarrassed, Joshua thought anyway. “You are an amazing singer. Why have you never pursued music?” Joshua asked, continuing to walk towards the piano. 

Y/N shook her head and looked down at the piano keys. “I don’t know. Guess I never really thought I was good enough, plus I enjoy what I do now. And I’m not even that good. Not as good as you, or Olivia.” Y/N mumbled, feeling now more embarrassed than she’d ever been. Why did Joshua have to be the one to find her, out of anyone on set why did it have to be him?

Joshua quickly manoeuvred around the piano, sliding onto the seat with Y/N. “You could be though. Plus, I think you’re that good.” Joshua said, looking at Y/N so intensely that Y/N didn’t know what to do with herself. 

“You only heard me sing one song.” Y/N whispered, fiddling with her fingers that were now in her lap/

“That one song was enough.” Joshua whispered back. He then watched as Y/N bit her lip and finally looked up at Joshua. He smiled, causing her to smile back. “Why don’t you sing me another one?” Joshua suggested, his fingers finding their way onto the piano keys. He started playing a familiar tune that Y/N would’ve guessed anywhere. Y/N let out a laugh and shook her head, there was no way she was going to sing again. “Come on, Y/N! Don’t be shy, it’s just me.” Joshua said, nudging his shoulder against her own. 

Y/N let out a sigh and nodded. Here goes nothing, she thought. “You know the words ‘once upon a time’. Make you listen, there’s a reason. When you dream there’s a chance you’ll find a little laughter, or happy ever after.” Y/N sung, closing her eyes again. Joshua’s eyes darted between the keys and Y/N’s face, watching as she sang. “You’re a harmony to the melody that’s echoing inside my head. A single voice, above the noise and like a common thread. Hmm, you’re pulling me.” 

When the chorus arrived, Joshua started singing along too, making Y/N open her eyes wide in shock. She was now singing, with Joshua. “When I hear my favourite song I know that we belong. Oh, you are the music in me. Yeah, it’s living in all of us and it’s brought us here because, because you are the music in me.” 

Y/N stopped singing, letting Joshua carry on. “It’s like I knew you before we met. Can’t explain it. There’s no name for it. I sang you words I’ve never said and it was easy because you see the real me.” As Joshua sang, he kept eye contact with Y/N and she began to feel like Joshua wasn’t just singing the lyrics anymore, it was like he meant them. The way he was looking at her, she’d never noticed before and she didn’t understand where it had come from. She began feeling even more nervous, if that was even possible, as she felt herself inch closer to the boy. When Joshua stopped singing after the chorus, he didn’t move, he didn’t inch away from Y/N so she felt like she needed to take advantage of the situation and shoot her shot. 

Without thinking about it anymore, Y/N leant forward as much as she could and pressed her lips against Joshua’s. It wasn’t forceful but Joshua was so taken back by the kiss that he had to steady himself a little. After a few seconds, when it hit Y/N that she could maybe lose her job over it, she pulled back. “Oh my God. I can’t believe I just did that. That was so wrong of me, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that and I’d totally understand if you felt too uncomfortable and had to tell someone. I’d even quit-” Y/N started to ramble, her hands shaking slightly, her eyes welling up with tears. She felt awful. 

When Joshua processed what Y/N had said, his hands were on her cheeks and he was pulling her into another kiss. As much as Y/N was shocked, she kissed Joshua back almost instantly, placing her hands on his forearms to hold them in place. The kiss lasted longer than the first one, the two moving their lips against each others till Y/N smiled into the kiss. Joshua pulled back but kept his hands on her cheeks. “I’ve wanted to do that for such a long time.” He said, his breathing heavy from the lack of air. 

“Really?” Y/N was shocked by Joshua’s words. She pulled away from him, grabbing his hands instead and resting them on her lap. “You’re being serious?”

“Yeah, dead serious.”

“I’ve liked you since the first day, holy shit. I really had no idea you were interested in me. I always thought you liked Olivia.” Y/N admitted. Joshua shook his head and laughed. 

“No. It’s always been you. Ever since you brought me in donuts that one time after listening to me talk about how donuts were my favourite thing to eat on sets.” Y/N chuckled, remembering that day clearly. “I wished I’d have done something before.” He said, regretting not doing anything the hundreds of times he thought about it. 

“Well, I’m glad I finally decided to do something.” Y/N laughed, squeezing Joshua’s hands. 

“Me too.” Joshua replied before leaning in again. 

The Calling chapter 3

Music: White Rabbit – Jefferson Airplane

Warnings: prop drug use, group sex scene, a little smutty 

ch 1, ch 2

tags: @panicattheeverywherekid anyone else want tagged? There will be several more chapters. 

Late to bed. Early to rise. Caffeine to get you moving. Long floral skirt and baggy pink top that hung over one shoulder. Jeans, white top and a dress packed just in case. Thank goodness for more coffee in holding. You try not to yawn. Donuts and other pastries for breakfast. Great for that short-term sugar rush and caffeine buzz.

Within an hour everyone was boarded onto transports to get us to the set. It was a wide-open space with lots of grass, some trees and a country house that looked like it used to be a barn. Equipment was scattered all around.

“I need five people,” the P.A.  said. He chooses five people. Has them sit in a circle in the grass. “Four more right over here.” He chooses four others including the last of the guys. “The rest of you on the porch and sit on the Xs.”

On the porch you can smell black love incense. A smoke machine hums a few feet away not producing smoke yet.

“Tom will be sitting in the empty space. Everyone please act respectfully.” The P.A. told you all. “You are sitting in the circle taking in the nature around you. You are supposed to be high. A prop joint will be passed around. After Tom’s speech, a few of you will be chosen to go inside the house with him for the next scene. Do you all understand?”

All four girls including you say, “Yes.”

Tom comes up on the porch in a white t-shirt and cargo shorts. Most people fawn over him. You try to barely glance at him to maybe catch his eye by not catching his eye because that always works out…or never works out.  He looks at his script and shakes his head at the A.D. who slaps him on the back and laughs. Not that your watching so closely but you are watching. You only turn away when he walks to sit in the circle.

“Evening ladies,” He nodded and smiled to everyone in the circle. You were across from him. “You ready to take a psychedelic trip with me?”

Some answered, “yes”. Another just giggled. When you said, “sure.” In the high-pitched way you have he glanced your way locking eyes for a few seconds. He licked his lips. You were sure you stopped breathing. The smoke Machine started up. Tom was handed the prop joint.

“And action,” the director said.

Tom took a drag and passed it to the right. “originality is wavy like the rainbow sky, but the lights are bright in the raindrop’s shadow.” He pauses to look around. “A nymph and a marcher, she walks like the leopard in the savanna the peacock on the jungle throne.” The joint gets back to him and he takes another hit and passes it. “Drink my soul and breathe me out as smoke. Keep this peaceful land in your heart. Feel it though your body between your thighs as you do our love.”  The joint is handed back to him as we all look in total worship. Memorized completely at the words that barely made any sense.

“Cut,” we hear.

“excuse me ladies,” He gets up to talk to the A.D. and director.

The girls around you start to whisper, “What the fuck was that?” “I don’t know but I felt it though my body and between my legs.”

You laugh, “Well, if it had that effect here, I bet the audience watching will like it. It was a big monologue of pretty much nonsense. I bet it was difficult to memorize.”

He comes back and you all get quiet. “You ready to run through that again. I’m told about twelve more times for different angles and such. I should be looking to each of my lovies as I speak like a seductive dance. So, we will try that. You are reacting perfectly. Keep up the good work.”

The scene shot again. When he looked at you, he said, “Feel it though your body between your thighs as you do our love.” You took a deep drag from the prop. Your eyes glossy with tears from the smoke. You smile brightly as you passed to the next girl and his eyes followed the faux joints path.

After twelve or maybe it was more takes the scene was done. Lunch was called. That scene took way longer than you realized. Tom leaves the circle. Says bye to you all and headed out of site. Back to holding there was pizza and salad lunch. Veggie, meat lovers and cheese pizza. A variety of dressings were available for the salad bowls also. If nothing else, you always felt you were fed well on set. But really there was everything else that you loved about being here.

After lunch one of the casting director’s helpers, Cheryl, calls you up to the table you checked in at this morning.

“We have an opportunity for a few ladies in the next scene they are shooting,” Cheryl said. “But you need to sign one more agreement if you choose to film.”

“What is it?” You were very curious.

“The director and Tom want to stick with some of the ladies that were on the porch with him and the main actress, Emma Watson for a bedroom scene. You will be in your under garments only, if you choose to participate. You maybe topless at one point but that will not be filmed. I assure you it will be tasteful. It will be a simulated orgy scene. I wanted to ask girls individually, so no one thinks they are obligated do this if they are uncomfortable. So, would you be comfortable filming this scene?”

You swallow and take a pen from the table, “I’m game for just about anything.”

“Alright, just sign this paper saying I talked to you and you agreed to the new contract terms,” She showed you where to sign. “And you will be getting a hundred dollar pay bump. Do not share anything we discussed especially the pay bump. I didn’t tell you before signing because I didn’t want money factoring into your decision. I’m going to talk to the other girls. They will take you to a closed set in about an hour.”

“Thank you,” You were cheery and excited when you went back to the table.

Everyone asked what was going on and you just said a discussion about the next scene you are filming. No details even though they tried to get you to say more. It was difficult not to burst out but somehow you held your tongue. Oh, you were going to tell everyone at home but here you would keep your mouth shut.

The other girls were called by Cheryl one by one. You didn’t know who decided to do it and who didn’t. None of them were girls you worked with other than today, so they were not sitting at your table. Other than one other girl said, “YES!” real loud none of them gave the slightest notion they would be doing this. You saw the call info for tomorrow and confirmed you would be there. You would look at it more carefully later.

Forty-five minutes later you and one other girl were called to go to set. You were nervous. Your body was less than perfect in your opinion but if Tom and the director chose you, you thought it was a good thing no matter how self-conscious you were feeling. You could tell the other girl was nervous to as you road in the transport quietly.

The P.A. takes you inside the building to the bedroom scene setup. Another Assistant, Chrystal comes in and the male P.A. leaves the room. Equipment is set up on the outskirts of the room.

“Hello ladies,” Chrystal smiles. “We thought it would be easier for you to get ready with no one else in here first. You can get undressed behind that wall and put your cloths on the bench.”

She waits as both of you go behind the wall to strip down to your undergarments. To you the other girl looked better with her thinner body. Your curvy form compared to her makes you think maybe they told the wrong person to come do this and as soon as Tom walked in, he would say you were not one of the girls he wanted. Until that time, you would just take this one step at a time. You step from behind the barrier with faked confidence in the tan lace panty and bra set. The other girl in a white satin set.

“You girls look perfect,” Chrystal said with enthusiasm. “Tom and Emma are going to come in to get to know the two of you a little better, so everyone is as comfortable as possible. Then there will be twenty crew members for filming including the director and Assistant Director. I will be here also. Don’t worry you are going to be just great.”

You smile and sit on the edge of the bed. The other girl stays standing. A few seconds after Crystal leaves Tom and Emma walk in. He just has on white boxers and she has on a soft baby pink lacy bra and panty set.

Emma smiles, “Hi girls. I haven’t done anything like this before. How about you?”

“Not at all,” You speak up. “This is only my fourth acting job ever.”

“Look lovies,” Tom said. “I’ve done some things. So, you’re in good hands so to speak.” He chuckles. He goes and sits on the edge of the be near you. “Me and Emma have filmed a few scenes together. Let’s make you girls comfortable. The only rule I have is no touching below the belt.” He takes your hand. Then holds his hand out for Emma. “Come here Em. And what’s your name?” He looks to the girl standing.

“My name is Tami, Tom.” She smiles and walk closer.

“Tami, come sit at my other side.” He patted the empty spot beside him confidently. “Your name Miss?”

He has been lightly stroking his thumb over your knuckles as he held your hand. You tell him your name. He smiles searching your eyes. Then he leans in closing his eyes. You close yours moving closer. You feel your lips on his. He movies back watch you a second. Then turns to kiss the other girl as Emma strokes your cheek.

“This is just a rehearsal sweet girl.” She said. “Remember we are all just great actors in a beautiful movie about life.” She bent down to kiss you.

A knock is heard at the door. A muffled voice said, “You all ready?”

“I think we are,” Tom said.

Emma gets up as the director opens the door and people start streaming inside to set up. You and Tami stay seated on the bed. Emma and Tom talk to the director. Chrystal comes over to talk to you.

“How are you doing girls?” Chrystal said.

You took a deep breath. “I’m good.”

Tami said. “Ready to film this I guess.”

“Good,” Chrystal said. “I’m going to set you up for each shot. Just roll with it all like the camera and other people aren’t even here.”

“Sure,” rings out like a warning to your system of nerves trying to scream for you not to go through with this but its to late to listen to your nerves now. Inside you are practically hyperventilating. Outside you appear relaxed and ready for anything.

Tami said, “I’m cool.”

Tom and Emma come back over. Tom gets in the bed under the sheet. He rolls his boxers down lower to make it appear he is naked under the sheet. Crystal stands you on the right side five steps away from the bed. Tami is on the left side. Emma is at the end of the bed.

“When we roll take a few steps to get on the bed. Follow Tom and Emma’s lead since they know the script. Stop when you hear cut.” Crystal said. “And have fun.” She steps behind where the equipment is set up. Lighting shines on the scene.

When you hear, “Action,” You walk towards the bed and climb on to it as does Tami and Emma.

““If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” Tom said before pulling you into a kiss.

Then Emma leans down to kiss him. He turns toward Tami. Emma and you look to each other. She leans in so you do. She kisses your lips.

“Cut,” you hear.

You pull away and stand up. Emma and Tami do also going back to original marks. Crystal walks back over.

“That worked very well,” Chrystal said. “We need to shoot it a few more times for angles and we will move on.”

Everyone nods. This part of the scene is shot many more times before the director decides to move on to the next part of the scene. Not that you mind kissing for each and every take, Its the job, right?  Chrystal comes back.

“I am going to help position you ladies around Tom in a few different ways before we wrap.” Chrystal said. “We have stand ins that will film more intimate moments to make it appear the three of you slept together like a masterpiece.”

Tom lays on his stomach. Chrystal tells you to lay on your stomach. So, you do. She puts your arm around Tom’s opposite shoulder. Leans your chin on his shoulder. She stands back to look how she positioned you.

Chrystal whispered to you, “you need to lose the bra.”

She undoes your bra. Helps you take it off without you having to get up and tucks it so its not seen in the shot. Then positions you back. She helps Emma get on the other side of him. Then Tami on the other side of Emma.

Tom turns his head to look at you, “You are doing great love. I hope I get to work with you again sometime.”

You said, “Thanks.”

It’s the only thing you could think of saying in the moment with your heart in your throat. Sweat rolling off your body under the hot set lights. At least they had the room warm so laying there mostly naked didn’t make you cold.

You hear a male voice say, “Time to lose the boxers Tom.”

And you just think, So, this is happening. A naked Tom Holland beside me while I lay here partially naked.

“Tom look to Emma.” Someone said. “And put your arms around all the ladies. Everyone eyes closed like you are sleeping peacefully like this. We are just going to film a few minutes when you hear action. Then you can open your eyes when you hear cut.”

You close your eye. Chrystal turn you slightly and lifts your leg over Tom’s back. A minute later you hear, “Action.” You stay still in the position you were put. Its only slightly uncomfortable. It seems like forever before you hear, “Cut, that’s a wrap for tonight. Don’t anyone move.”

You take a breath. Tom gets up first to put his boxers and t-shirt back on. Then you see Emma get up. After they both leave set along with everyone else but you, Tami and Chrystal. Chrystal tells you you can get up and get dressed.

“Well that was the most interesting shoot I’ve been part of,” You said.

“I agree,” Tami said.

You are the last extras to be wrapped. You made your way home. You would dream about this day for a long time after.

can i PLEASE be added to the taglist alzneiwjs omg

THE WAY HE LOOKS UP I-

Tom Holland x Reader Imagine

Note: So I received A LOT of requests to make a part 2 for There’s No Going Back and after soooo many messages…. HERE IT IS!! I HOPE IT RIPS YOUR HEART OUT LIKE IT DID WITH MINE 😭❤️  I wanted to end my request week with this! make an impact ya know haha thank you all to everyone who submitted! my inbox went crazy and I still have about 40-50 requests to get through! but I’ll make another post explaining what I’ll be doing next after this goes up! till then… ENJOY THE CRYING 

p.s: SUPRISE PART 3 IS ALSO IN THE WORKS 

Master List ✨

Part 1

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Warnings: Angst, swearing?, fucking tears, heartbreak cuz yeah, A little hope for you guys.  

Word Count: 3,708

PoV: Tom 

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 There’s No Going Back - Part 2 

I sat in that hallway the whole night, I’m surprised none of the neighbours had come out. My eyes burned, the lack of sleep and tears had dried them out and made them sore. I couldn’t find enough body strength to leave y/n’s place… I should have just got into my car and left but I just felt… glued to her. I knew I didn’t want to leave even after last night. I should be inside, holding y/n in my arms while we’re under the sheets, keeping her warm in the morning. My head pounded at the old memories and the sadness flooded back in. I had to make things right… I had to… I couldn’t live without y/n… even the thought of that other girl made me sick. how could I be so stupid to even try and replace y/n, she meant everything to me. My ears rang when I suddenly heard y/n’s front door open, I turned my head slowly and opened my eyes as much as I could though they were a bit puffed up from all the crying. The pain almost melted away when I was greeted with the lovely view of y/n, with a cup in her hand. 

“I..” 

I barely made an audible sound. Y/n didn’t say a word but just placed the cup next to me and went back inside. When I picked it up it was hot to touch and it felt warm in my hands. She had actually made me a cup of tea. Taking the cup to my lips I drank from it, it tasted even better knowing that it came from her. I remember when I used to make her tea in the mornings and she would always be so happy to see me walking back to the bedroom with the cup in my hands. When I had finished drinking it up, it gave me enough energy to stand up, though the moment I did my heart started pounding again. I had to knock on her door with hopes that she would actually answer. 

“Come on Tom… just… knock” 

I placed my hand up to the door and knocked a few times, holding my breath till I finished. I waited for what seemed like forever but there was no answer. I sighed to myself. Who was I kidding, y/n is just nice like that, she was just making sure I was ok and that was it, there’s no hope in getting her back… no no no. I decided to leave the cup in front of the door and walk away. I shouldn’t push her… last night was… I could see she was hurting. It killed me to know that I caused her that pain… that I was the reason for confusion and doubt and tears. Though I wanted to keep knocking until she answered, I needed to just go home. I walked off, taking the stairs down. My eyes still hurt and became dryer when I got outside. The sun was just about coming up and the air was bitterly cold. You’d think for spring weather it would warm up already but nope… just as cold. I searched for my phone in my jacket pocket and saw the time, it was barely 5am in the morning. I must’ve fallen asleep at some point waiting outside of y/n’s door, time seemed to be frozen as I looked back up to her window high up in the apartment block. The curtains were drawn but the light was actually on… she was awake… probably thinking about what to do just like I was. Letting out a sigh I grabbed my car keys and walked to my car. I sat quietly with my hands on the steering wheel. I felt so empty… my mind was still playing flashbacks of what happened last night, how I just saw y/n’ s eyes fill with tears. 

“You can’t just do this” 

“Please y/n… I-I love you…” 

“Don’t…” 

“I love you” 

The deep heavy feeling in my heart came back again and I felt almost claustrophobic, s-she loves me right? even though she didn’t say it back

“I don’t want to let you go” 

“you already did Tom… that’s why we’re here…” 

I began breathing quicker and the panic came back, I couldn’t lose her… no not like this, not when it was all my fault. I could fix this, I could show her how much I cared… I took a deep breath trying to calm myself down again but I felt a few tears roll down my cheeks 

“fuck… Just breathe Tom… just… b-breathe” 

I had to get some rest, I had to just clear my head. I started the car up and drove away, it felt like I was leaving something behind but I knew I would be back and when I do, I’ll try again. 

.                       .                         .

I parked a bit further from home than usual, I wanted to walk in the fresh cold air for a bit. By the time I got home, it was 5:30 in the morning, the sun still taking its time coming out. As I walked I managed to calm myself down a little, I needed to just get some proper rest. As I walked up to the front door I got my keys out again and opened it, making sure not to wake anyone up. I closed the door silently behind me and walked towards the living room. Tessa slept peacefully in her little bed in the corner so I tipped toed trying not to wake her. I carefully took off my shoes, stumbling around a little but I got them off, followed by taking my jacket off and throwing it on to the couch. I sighed to myself again, resting my arms on my head just trying to get a clear head, trying my best to stop thinking about her words. I walked through the living room and began to make my way to the stairs in the hallway when I heard footsteps come down. When I looked it was Harry. No flashlight or anything just him in the dark. He looked to me as any brother would and I looked to him. We didn’t say anything for the first few seconds and he just stood still on the stairs. 

“You went to her, didn’t you…” 

“yep…” 

I heard a sigh come from him and his voice was low, and you could hear that he cared. 

“Did it go well?” 

he asked sincerely, but just by the tone of his voice, I could tell that he already knew the answer. I shook my head slowly and wiped away at a stray tear from my eye. 

“Nope…” 

Harry walked down the stairs not saying anything else and embraced me, I hugged him back tightly. It was strange… this feeling of being consoled. For almost a month I never talked about what happened… and to suddenly feel Harry embrace me made me feel overwhelmed again and I sobbed lightly into his shoulder. I could feel him hold me tighter. 

“It’s alright mate… she’ll come around” 

I didn’t say anything else, if I did the words wouldn’t be comprehensible as my emotions would have gotten the better of me. We stood there in silence, except for the sound of my hushed weeping. A few seconds passed and I felt Harry pat my back as he released himself from our embrace. I let go of him but Harry kept on hand on my shoulder somewhat sternly. Once again just looking to me, not saying anything. 

“I… I need to get some rest” 

Harry nodded slowly and walked with me upstairs, the silence was loud in my head. I wanted to speak and get everything off of my chest but I just couldn’t think straight, my head was a mess. As we reached the top of the stairs, I carried on walking till I reached my bedroom door, Harry kept still outside of his. 

“You know you can talk about it right?” 

he whispered to me from across the hall. Maybe it was time for me to actually get this all out, maybe that would help me find a way to get y/n back or to at least get her to listen to me without crying. 

“Yeah… I know…” 

I replied back with an evenly hushed voice. A small smile crept to Harry’s face and it reassured me that my brother would be here to help me. We didn’t say anything else after that and I had opened the door and walked into my bedroom. As I walked to my bed I could feel the hours of no sleep hit me like a wall, but yet as I laid there in my bed. I couldn’t sleep. My mind was at an unrest and all I could yet again, just like every other night… was her voice. 

“Please… y/n I’m so sorry” 

“Goodnight Tom” 

.                                            .                                            .

The sound of my phone had woken me up. My eyes still felt heavy, even though I slept a little bit. My head was still pounding with thoughts and it had formed into a headache that had stayed most of the night. My hand reached to the side, grabbing my phone from the bedside table. 

When I read the contact name my heart fluttered again, this was the first time y/n had texted me since our break up… I hate that word. I wanted to text back immediately but I didn’t know what to say, I want to call her up right there and then and talk but I had no words to say. I just wanted to hear her voice again, but happier. Not like last night where it was almost breaking with emotion. My arm fell next to me and I just inhaled deeply, I wanted to talk to her about all this, ask her for her advice and how I could fix this. I knew how to fix this but I wanted her reassurance, I wanted her to tell me that everything was going to be ok between us.

Trying to recollect my thoughts, I got myself out of bed. I’ve been wearing the same clothes for a few days now and I was in desperate need of a freshening up. So I took my towel from one of the hooks near the door and walked out, everyone was up. I could hear Paddy’s voice chirping through the house as he was playing with Tessa I presume. I sluggishly walked to the bathroom and locked the door behind me as I go in. Throwing my towel over the sink, I took my clothes off and stepped into the shower, turning the water pressure on and feeling the warmth as it came pouring down on me. I tilted my head down and let the water flow over my face, it felt like I was washing every thought away. Which worried me, I didn’t want to erase y/n from me. I could still feel her touch on my hands from when I got the millisecond to hold her hands in mine. The softness of her skin against the roughness of mine. I wanted to hold her again, to touch her and not have her push me away; The thoughts came flooding in again so I cut this shower short. Turning off the water pressure I stepped out and grabbed my towel, wrapping it around my waist. The steamy from my shower had filled up the bathroom and when I inhaled I could feel it go into my lungs. I stood for a moment looking to the mirror, looking at myself and how tired I looked. Each day I got progressively more drained and tired. Each night my sleep was getting less. I really couldn’t function without y/n. I snapped my self out of my thoughts, I had to otherwise I’d get sucked back into this spiral of panic again. I dried my self up and made my way out of the bathroom, picking up the clothes on the floor at the same time. The steamed rushed out as it met the cold air from the hallway. Once I made it back to my bedroom I got some clean clothes out, the idea of talking to Harry about all of this came to my mind as I was getting dresses. Maybe if I just had a talk and explain how I wanted to get y/n back, it would actually give me the strength to do it. After getting dressed I grabbed my phone, still looking at the text y/n left me. Should I just reply to let her know that I actually did read her message? In the moment I sent a quick reply, holding back all the words I really wanted to say and just keeping it simple. 

After I finished writing it up I pressed send and shoved the phone back into my pocket. But every noise I heard as I made my way downstairs made me want to grab my phone, thinking y/n would have replied. Walking into the living I saw Patty sitting on the couch watching tv. I walked over to him and messed up his hair a little causing a laugh to escape him. 

“Morning there Padds” 

“Tom! Tom Tom” 

he rushed his words and quickly climbed up the couch turning to face me. 

“Look what Tess brought in today!” 

he said excitingly, I looked to him curiously as he held up a strange-looking chewed up… dog tog? 

“What is it?” 

“I don’t know… but she sure loves to chew it” 

His big smile lit up his face and he threw the toy across the living room causing Tessa to run at it and pick it up. As I watched Tessa play I heard footsteps walk into the living room, when I turned I saw Harry walk in. He still had the expression on his face just like when I saw him this morning. 

“Morning…” 

I said low to him, a cheeky grin grew on his face with his reply 

“Almost bloody mid-day Tom” 

We shared a light laugh and I walked over to him. 

“Can we talk…” 

My voice was hushed as to not alert Paddy about anything, Harry nodded and proceeded to walk past the living room and into the back garden. I followed him and closed the sliding door behind us. We took a seat on one of the garden chairs and there was still a few seconds of silence before Harry spoke again. 

“So what happened last night then?” 

He asked softly to me. Hearing his question sent me back to last night and the visions of y/n’s tears came back to me but I had to talk about it. To analyse where I went wrong so I could go back to y/n and give her what she wants.

“I… after I left home I just drove off and parked in some empty parking lot… I dunno but everything just felt too much”  

I could feel that lump crawl back into my throat with every word but I had to continue 

“I-I… I had to see her… Harry, I had to… if you saw how s-she looked at me” 

I cut my self off by taking a breath, Harry kept quiet the whole time that I spoke and it felt… like all the words spilled out of me as I recollected everything that happened last night. 

“I caused this… I caused her so much trouble a-and now I don’t know what to do. I want her back… so so bad and I know she must think of me the same way”

I stopped for a moment, catching my breath as the emotions flooded back in. Harry seemed to be thinking of what to say to me. 

“What do you want to do then?” 

I looked around the garden as I thought of how to answer Harry. What did I want to do? how would I do it in such a way that wouldn’t push her away? 

“I don’t know… I want to talk to her, properly this time. Last night I let my emotions get the best of me. She sent me a text for the first time in ages this morning… I want to call her but I don’t know” 

“I say you should call her, she answered your call last night so clearly she does want to speak” 

The idea of calling her up made a knot form in my stomach, it was the butterfly feeling. I wanted nothing more than to hear her voice but yet again… could I handle it. 

“But what do I say to her? I want to see her again” 

“Well then say that, she probably just wants to hear you say these things, you know. Giving her the reassurance that you actually care.” 

he had a point. She could have just left me alone the whole morning, not bothered to check on me or even text me a few hours later. Maybe I just had to show her that I still would do anything for her. 

“Thanks Harry, I think I’m gonna give her a ring” 

Harry smiled and got up from his seat walking towards the door inside. 

“Remember, just prove to her that you love her” 

I smiled back at him and he went inside. I took my phone out from my pocket and just looked at the screen. come on Tom you can do this. I unlocked my phone and called her up almost hesitantly. The ringing sent shivers down my body, each ring felt like it took forever and just as I was about to hang up she picked up. 

“Hey…” 

“Hey…” 

Once again there was that bloody silence between us. I gulped down my words and tried to make sense of what I wanted to say. 

“How are you?” 

Before she could answer I realised that was such a stupid question, of course she’s not good this is just ridiculous. 

“Sorry ah… that… that was a stupid question you don’t need to answer that I’m sorry” 

“Tom it’s ok” 

I took a deep breath in at her words, y/n’s soft voice over the phone was already enough to calm my nerves down. 

“I um… I wanted to say thank you for the tea this morning” 

stupid stupid stupid 

“Actually, y/n… I just wanted to hear you talk again… I’m sorry about last night I shouldn’t have just bombarded you with all this… I just…” 

Taking another deep breath in I continued with what I wanted to say, I had to make this up to her. 

“I wanted to ask if I could see you again…” 

I waited a moment as I just heard silence coming from y/n’s end. I wanted to almost speak again but I gave her the time she needed to think. Then I heard a sigh 

“How about later tonight…?” 

Her voice almost squeaked through, and her reply sent my heart fluttering with joy. 

“yeah! yes, I mean yes… I’d really like that”

I almost wanted to scream with happiness but I composed my self and waited for y/n to speak again. 

“Come by around 7:30? I have to do a few things today but we could maybe… have a nice… dinner” 

The smile of my face grew with each word I heard from her. This was it, I could finally talk to her and tell how much I know I messed up and how much I just love her. 

“Sure that sounds… that sounds perfect. I’ll see you later tonight then” 

“See you tonight…”

“Tonight at 7:30…” 

“Bye Tom” 

“Bye…” 

Y/n hung up the call and though I was sad that I couldn’t hear her lovely voice again, I was as excited as any little kid. This dinner would be perfect. I rushed inside and saw Harry sitting on the couch with Paddy 

“Well?” 

“Dinner tonight at 7:30!” 

I had a huge smile on my face and Harry showed a smile to me along with a light chuckle 

“Perfect mate! Told you, just need to talk” 

My mum soon walked in and I still felt that adrenaline rush of what just happened and the thought of what happened yesterday between me and her popped back to my mind. Without any warning, I ran up to her and hugged her tightly 

“Oh tom! what’s all this then?” 

she said with shock wrapped her arms around me too 

“I’m sorry for yesterday, ok I really am” 

I pulled away from our hug and looked at her, a smile still growing on my face 

“You were right mum, y/n is wonderful… oh so wonderful girl and we had something special. And I’m getting her back! I’m not letting her go” 

I watched as a warm smile grew on to my mums face, I knew she was happy when I said my words. She loved y/n just as much as I did, in a house full of boys she claimed y/n just as if she were her own daughter. 

“I’m fixing this…” 

My mum pulled me in for another tight hug and let me go. 

“Tell her we miss her too dear” 

I nodded my head and walked away from her and towards the front door 

“Where you going?” 

Harry asked from the living room 

“To get some things for tonight! I know what she likes and it’s about time she gets something that would make her happy” 

I took my keys and opened the front door. I had to pick up a few little things that would help with tonight. When I got into my car, the sudden feeling of panic crept back in. What if I screwed this up? or what happens if she just doesn’t want to try anymore stop thinking like that. What do we talk about tonight? I didn’t really think that far ahead and the only words I could think of was telling that I loved her. I could tell her for hours how much I loved her… let’s just hope that after tonight, I get to actually do that. 

“I’m fixing this…” 

- - -

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this is so soft i love it

Chapter Twenty One

Warnings: swearing, angst, mentions of smut, and possible heartbreak content here folks (i honest to god nearly cried writing this — should not have done this to myself while pms-ing. i thought i would find it really easy to write but i was actually so sad i really struggled)

w/c: 2.8k+

Chapter Twenty One

“Wait, so she’s moving to the States?” Joe bleated through the phone. 

“Yeah man, for three years.” 

“Are you breaking up?” 

Ben groaned, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t know. I think so.” 

“You think so? What the fuck does that mean?” 

“We haven’t really talked about it. She only found out a couple of days ago and she’s been so busy getting ready to go, you know. She’s been sorting her visa, looking at apartments out there, doing all the research and everything. They want her there in less than three weeks. 

“I thought the shoot was a month away?” 

“Yeah, but they want her there early to get settled first, and meet everyone.”

“Christ,” sighed Joe sympathetically. “I suppose she’s gotta pack as well.” 

“Well she only moved in here a couple of months ago, so it’s not too bad. It’s not like she’s got to figure out what to do with all her furniture ‘cause she already did that.”

“Right. Handy,” Joe deadpanned. “And how do you feel about all this?”

“Like shit. Like actual human faeces. But it’s her life, Joe.”

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i am heartbroken what in the world

Secret Relationships and Close Calls - Four

a/n: well, the fucking idiot is here with the CORRECTLY WRITTEN CHARACTER 🙄🙄 i seriously cannot fucking stress this enough, if you do not like my work or have something rude to say, fucking leave. I’m sick of getting hate comments that are so useless and stupid. okay. rant over. I have two more four pics to be posted, so look out for those :)

warnings: ‼️6 UNDERGROUND SPOILERS ‼️READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

*gif is by @mrbenhardys*

READER’S CODENAME: Five

•••

When you entered into the underground, you weren’t expecting to meet such amazing people. You figured it would be a bunch of wanna be vigilantes, but you were met with a former spy, a tech billionaire, and a hitman. Then there was Four, a thief.

He hadn’t made a good impression when you first met, he criticized your reasoning for joining the group, but after he saw your abilities at handling a gun, he apologized. And from that, blossomed a friendship.

Over time, you fell for Four. When he wasn’t in mission mode, he made you laugh, he chatted with you over anything and everything, and he was the most accepting in the group; you two were also the closest in age, so that was also a reason you two felt closer.

After a couple months of being in the group, Four had finally asked you to be his girlfriend. But there was one problem: you had to keep it a secret from the others. You didn’t know if they would like the fact that you were seeing each other, since the whole point of the group was to be “no one”, to not have any ties to anything or anyone.

But you couldn’t help yourself. Four is so sweet and honestly better than any boyfriend you had when you were “alive”. He took you out on many dates, and even set up stay at home dates as well; though those were more boring and consisted of sitting in Four’s trailer in the middle of an abandoned airfield in the desert, you preferred those to actually going out.

One night, things got very personal, and you two shared information that you wouldn’t have shared with any of the others. Four had brought you to his trailer, after setting up a cozy fort to watch movies in and laying out an assortment of snacks.

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Delicate (H.O)

Summary: Based on Delicate- Taylor Swift, Harrison Osterfield x reader

Warnings: fluff and some light nerves

A/N: This is another repost while I figure out how to get the rest of my old work.. Can you search for all the reblogs from a specific account? Like everything that was reblogged from nahtte? Anyway! Enjoy!!

Dive bar on the East Side, where you at? Come here you can meet me in the back.

Dark jeans and your Nikes, look at you. Oh damn, never seen that color blue. 

“He’s blonde and wearing a blue shirt and dark jeans. He knows what you look like, don’t worry. Have fun! ;)” your friend texted you.

Your friend had set you up on a date “with a coworker”, as she said. You knew the possibilities of this turning out well were low, she occasionally worked as an extra on movie sets and would set you up with guys from them. Her philosophy, “they don’t know you, so if it goes poorly, you don’t have to see them again, and I don’t have to work with someone I went out with”, worked in theory, but most of the guys from set were either in their mid thirties, post divorce, or some recent graduate of art school who wears cargo shorts unironically. 

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...and then we had both.

summary: following events of why can’t we have both. you and ben decide to try and make your relationship work.

warnings: smut (18+), dry humping, female receiving oral, unprotected sex, fluff, aaaannnnggggsssstttt

pairing: bodyguard!ben hardy x reader

( gif creds to the amazing @ bens-hardy )

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there has to be a part 3. PLEASE IM BEGGING

London Boy // Tom Holland x Reader

Word Count: 2.7

Warnings: Uh, I used Elijah Daniel in the fake social media post part of this fic, and he always calls Aws a twink so that word is used, otherwise none!

Author’s Note: This was requested by @lovelydivs about 2 weeks ago now, and I really slacked off on working on this, so I’m super duper sorry in advance if this sucks monkey ass!

“Can you play it back one more time? Just the music this time, Aws.” You asked your best friend and musical companion Awsten. He nodded, his green hair swaying slightly as he did as he pressed play on the beginning of the track, it takes a few moments before it picks up.

“It’s missing something…” She mumbled, reaching for your bag next to you, pulling out a faux leather book, Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy imprinted on it.

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mcuspidey’s masterlist

       ♡  tag list.  blurbs. moodboards. headers.  leave feedback? ♡

Too Hard To Leave You - Tom Holland x Reader

PART TWO OF ‘BABY’ - PART 1

Words: 1,284

Summary: Every time Tom says “just friends”, you want to punch someone. You go to a party with him, and realise that maybe… maybe it’s time to leave.

A/N: I was pretty surprised with the amount of people who wanted me to write more of this, especially since my works don’t normally get much attention. But, this one did, so I decided to make this into a mini-series. I promised a friend that this chapter would fix things, but… if you’re interested, I may need to write a third part. 

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i cannot wait for the next part omf