Tread softly; you tread on my dreams.

i talk my shit but do you guys remember being 12 and in 2008 and you heard viva la vida by coldplay for the first time and you were like fuck this is so powerful. i'm going to kick the ass of god

F. Scott Fitzgerald

Not my white ass locked in the duke’s dungeon again because I fucked his favorite jester 😩

I didn’t know he was so territorial over the silly little guy 🙄

Pro Tip: Avoid this in the future by inviting the king to your chambers and presenting the situation as;

" Just warming him up for a surprise threesome. You looked so stressed, sire, so let us help you relax."

Ah, but I said the king, my good wizard!

If you get the king in on this, the duke can do nothing without risking insulting his monarch.

This could not possibly backfire!

In fact, I'll go perform this right now and report back my success shortly.

Dungeon

Welcome to the club

surely the duke can’t catch all of us????

Gonna try hitting up the jester when the duke goes out for another raid and report with results 👍

Dungeon.

Wow. I don't respect anyone in this thread.

feels like somebody’s mad they didn’t get the chance to fuck the duke’s favorite jester

Make a pass at the jester and there’s always a chance

That you’ll be be doing that old “chained in the dungeon” dance

I was inspired

Fuck everything I'm a fucking doctor who fan and I want to read 10 x reader fics; life is too short to pretend that I quit my doctor who phase

the fact that by the end of the month we’ll have 8pm sunsets is the last pillar keeping my mental health intact

YOU PEOPLE WERE SCANNING RANDOM QR CODES?

Could I interest you in this usb stick I found on the pavement

i'm a slut for smart people who can teach me stuff without making me feel dumb.

Geralt, about to steal somebody's horse: Come here, Roach

Horse: *exists*

Geralt:

when Lemony Snicket wrote “I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you everyday” that hurt me

“I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as the starfish loves a coral reef and as kudzu loves trees, even if the oceans turn to sawdust and the trees fall in the forest without anyone around to hear them. I will love you as the pesto loves the fettuccini and as the horseradish loves the miyagi, and the pepperoni loves the pizza. I will love you as the manatee loves the head of lettuce and as the dark spot loves the leopard, as the leech loves the ankle of a wader and as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you as the doctor loves his sickest patient and a lake loves its thirstiest swimmer. I will love you as the beard loves the chin, and the crumbs love the beard, and the damp napkin loves the crumbs, and the precious document loves the dampness of the napkin, and the squinting eye of the reader loves the smudged document, and the tears of sadness love the squinting eye as it misreads what is written. I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat, and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the sperm whale, and the sperm whale loves the flavor of naval uniforms. I will love you as a drawer loves a secret compartment, and as a secret compartment loves a secret, and as a secret loves to make a person gasp… I will love you until all such compartments are discovered and opened, and all the secrets have gone gasping into the world. I will love you until all the codes and hearts have been broken and until every anagram and egg has been unscrambled. I will love you until every fire is extinguished and rebuilt from the handsomest and most susceptible of woods. I will love you until the bird hates a nest and the worm hates an apple. I will love you as we find ourselves farther and farther from one another, where once we were so close… I will love you until the chances of us running into one another slip from slim to zero, I will love you until your face is fogged by distant memory. I will love you no matter where you go and who you see, I will love you if you don’t marry me. I will love you if you marry someone else–and i will love you if you never marry at all, and spend your years wishing you had married me after all. That is how I will love you even as the world goes on its wicked way.”

Lemony Snicket The Beatrice Letters

you gotta be careful with girls named katherine because it could be spelled katherine or kathryn or catherine cathryn katherin kcatcheyn ckathcryrn catrchckern kathtrine 

release the catrchckern