INFJ + ESFJ relationship?
[see this post for relationship tips]
INFJ (Ni-Fe-Ti-Se) + ESFJ (Fe-Si-Ne-Ti)
Potential for Conflict
- Ni v. Si: INFJs tend to be future-oriented and think in broad terms, whereas ESFJs tend to be detail-oriented, practical, and rely on past knowledge. Thus, INFJs might see ESFJs as short-sighted or nitpicky, and ESFJs might see INFJs as impractical or out of touch.
- Fe: Both types tend to be considerate and accommodating. ESFJs tend to care for people’s practical or emotional needs, whereas INFJs tend to care for people in more abstract or spiritual ways. Thus, INFJs might see ESFJs as overbearing or fussy, and ESFJs might see INFJs as misguided or concerned about insignificant things.
- Se v. Ne: INFJs can be out of touch with the physical aspects of life and have difficulty adapting to rapid changes or new environments. ESFJs can use Ne defensively to be overly pessimistic or micromanaging. Thus, INFJs might see ESFJs as overcautious or narrow-minded, and ESFJs might see INFJs as uptight or absent-minded.
- Ti: INFJs can use Ti defensively to rationalize their problematic behavior, which might strike ESFJs as stubborn or irrational. ESFJs tend to have difficulty being consistent in their actions and approaching criticism analytically, which might strike INFJs as irrational or hypocritical.
- ESFJs tend to be more social and outgoing than INFJs.
Opportunities for Growth and Balance:
- This pair could get along well if they focused on what they have in common which is a willingness to help others. INFJs can learn from ESFJs to be more practical, sociable, and present-oriented. ESFJs can learn from INFJs to be more analytical and future-oriented.
- INFJ: Remember that ESFJs always act in ways that are meant to show they care for you. If you find their behavior overbearing or need time for yourself, then gently let them know how they should adjust their behavior according to your needs. Inform them of your needs in a reasonable manner, rather than bottling up your emotions or harboring resentments. Don’t expect them to read your mind. ESFJ: Remember that INFJs tend to need plenty of privacy and alone time so do not fuss over them or nag them excessively. When you want to do something to help them, it is better to ask first in order to respect their privacy.
- INFJ: Remember that ESFJs are practical people so do not expect that they can meet all of your intellectual needs. Try to see things from their perspective and accommodate their requests when possible. Take an interest in what they are up to. They try to connect with people through sharing and talking so do not judge them as superficial if they choose subjects you find boring or pointless; they are just trying to strengthen their bond with you. ESFJ: Remember that INFJs like to learn for the sake of learning so do not judge them as too impractical or bookish. Be more open to exploring ideas with them. They tend to be much more willing to open up if you discuss ideas that they are fascinated by.
- INFJ: Remember that ESFJs tend to place high standards on themselves but can have trouble meeting those standards. Do not judge them as hypocritical or incompetent if they cannot always live up to the things they say. They usually put in as much effort as they can. ESFJ: Remember that INFJs are independent-minded and do not like to be “preached” at. If you find their behavior problematic, discuss it with them logically rather than using a critical or accusatory tone. They will be much more willing to listen if you reason with them calmly.
- Be more open to each other’s advice/suggestions. INFJ: Let ESFJs help you navigate social situations better. Let them advise you on how to handle people because this is their strength. ESFJ: Let INFJs help you analyze problems or issues in an objective manner. They see your potential and consider long term consequences, so do not take their criticism or advice personally.
- Make sure you reach an acceptable compromise about how much social activity is acceptable to each person. INFJ: Try to get out more and participate in activities when you can. ESFJ: Do not pressure INFJs into participating in too many activities because they tire easily.
- Neither type is good at handling criticism or expressing their needs or emotions directly to others. This can potentially lead to a destructive pattern of passive-aggressive or sarcastic interaction. Improve your communication skills and learn how to express your dissatisfaction to each other in a constructive way; learn to handle criticism without becoming overdramatic or self-victimizing.