guys I’ve honestly been thinking about this so hard lately like I CANNOT get this off my mind….Spider-Man, right? He does the whole thing where he shoots his webs at buildings and swings around the city and it’s the coolest thing any of us will ever see, right. But like….those webs. They like. Don’t go away??? And we know he doesn’t just yank them off the buildings and hold them while he swings. So I guess they’re just….left hanging there? Left hanging all over the buildings. So he essentially TP-s the entire city of New York on a nightly basis??? No wonder the cops all hate him???? jfc

couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name

“How did you track down Spider-Man?!”

“We followed a direct trail to him, because he leaves his webs everywhere and he’s a fucking IDIOT”

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Could you imagine being like…a window washer or whatever?? And suddenly your job is pulling you out of your nice warm bed at 3 am to wipe webs off buildings?? This is where my thoughts have shifted to now. How pissed would you be??? Can you imagine being in a scaffolding up on the 60th floor scraping at some chemically enforced webbing bs at 2:45 and the the flipping Green Goblin pulls up next to you on his glider like “Hey brah I’m looking for Spider-Man” and you KNOW crime rate has gone down dramatically ever since the web slinger started up but you haven’t gotten a decent nights sleep in 4 months because of the kid so you just look this insane glowing twink in the eye and go “fuckass went that way, make sure you tell him I’m not getting paid overtime for this shit” and then the Goblin does that stupid cackle thing and throws a pumpkin bomb at you and you’re so tired you can barely bring yourself to care. And it’s all Spider-Man’s fault. All because he can’t just take the subway like a normal person. The dude practically invented parkour like there’s literally no reason for the webslinging other than dramatics and aesthetics. At the expense of softly vandalizing the city??? Really, Peter??!?!

I can’t think about anything else I can’t sleep

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There are more messages mansplaining Spider-Man to me than there are notes on this post

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Why don’t any of the people messaging me understand that my joke is completely valid?? I knew when I made the joke that they dissolve. My point still 100% stands though. All these guys messaging me, thinking I’m dumb, ‘actually, why don’t you read a fucking comic honey, they dissolve in 2 to 3 hours’…..My dudes…..Sweeties……That still leaves a 2 to 3 hour window where those webs are all over the damn city. Just use your heads I’m begging here.

Hell, even if they dissolve, do these idjits honestly think they dissolve into nothing? Even cleaning solutions leave a residue if not wiped away properly. You think Parker’s “web-fluid” doesn’t leave a streaky mess on any surface its on? So yeah, 2-3 hour window of literal webs on everything, followed u an eternity of clouded streaky windows until they get cleaned. And I’d bet even money that standard window cleaners don’t quite cut through whatever is used to make Spidey’s webs. So yeah, the window-washers union in Marvel’s New York unanimously dislike Spider-Man, and janitorial materials probably cost a small fortune due to all the special cleaners they need. So yeah, joke stands.

couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name

you are the most valid person on this here post

tiger5984 reblogged

tiger5984 reblogged

tiger5984 reblogged

how do cats even work

Cats:

A cat can jump up to five times its own height in a single bound.
The little tufts of hair in a cat’s ear that help keep out dirt direct sounds into the ear, and insulate the ears are called “ear furnishings.”
The ability of a cat to find its way home is called “psi-traveling.” Experts think cats either use the angle of the sunlight to find their way or that cats have magnetized cells in their brains that act as compasses.
One reason that kittens sleep so much is because a growth hormone is released only during sleep.
A cat has 230 bones in its body. A human has 206. A cat has no collarbone, so it can fit through any opening the size of its head.
A cat’s nose pad is ridged with a unique pattern, just like the fingerprint of a human.
If they have ample water, cats can tolerate temperatures up to 133 °F.
A cat’s heart beats nearly twice as fast as a human heart, at 110 to 140 beats a minute.
Cats don’t have sweat glands over their bodies like humans do. Instead, they sweat only through their paws.
The claws on the cat’s back paws aren’t as sharp as the claws on the front paws because the claws in the back don’t retract and, consequently, become worn.
Cats make about 100 different sounds. Dogs make only about 10.
Researchers are unsure exactly how a cat purrs. Most veterinarians believe that a cat purrs by vibrating vocal folds deep in the throat. To do this, a muscle in the larynx opens and closes the air passage about 25 times per second.
A cat almost never meows at another cat, mostly just humans. Cats typically will spit, purr, and hiss at other cats.
A cat’s back is extremely flexible because it has up to 53 loosely fitting vertebrae. Humans only have 34.
Some cats have survived falls of over 65 feet (20 meters), due largely to their “righting reflex.” The eyes and balance organs in the inner ear tell it where it is in space so the cat can land on its feet. Even cats without a tail have this ability.
A cat can travel at a top speed of approximately 31 mph (49 km) over a short distance.
A cat’s hearing is better than a dog’s. And a cat can hear high-frequency sounds up to two octaves higher than a human.
A cat’s brain is biologically more similar to a human brain than it is to a dog’s. Both humans and cats have identical regions in their brains that are responsible for emotions.

And that’s how cats work.

darneildtpg

I learned more about cats in this post than I did in my freshamn biology class in college

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Gods perfect murder machines but they weigh 8lbs

@kazooldlekatdoodle

Don’t tell me that if you find a cardboard box large enough to fit you that you don’t have an urge to crawl inside it, that some part of your brain doesn’t go “ooh! fort!” before you tell yourself that it’s better to not have a large box take up space. Cats just don’t have inhibitions about it.

tiger5984 reblogged

dawnandpiplup

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udontn33dh1m

I know y'all did not read the books but Roald Dahl talks about this in the book. Charlie’s teacher points out the fact that unless you buy a shit ton of bars you’re probably not gonna win. Just like the lottery. Just like how all of the other winners of the tickets bought a shit ton of bars. Except Charlie, who just got lucky. And Charlie was originally black. Literally the whole point of the book was that wonka wanted to give the less fortunate a fair opportunity and it wasn’t fair because the system isn’t fair.