♡┊CHERRY KISS

rkyerim·:

it wasn't that jaemin couldn't live without haech. he could, he has for some portion of his life. he just knows that life wouldn't be worth living without him. everything got better when haech was around -- jaemin liked himself more, wanted to be kinder, nicer, and more understanding, not just towards his boyfriend but other people too. was that such a bad thing? that someone brings out the best in him? most people just didn't understand what they've gone through together, what they had to endure, and how long they had to fight their own demons before they found their way back o each other. but jaemin knew yerim understood.

his brows knit as yerim held his face, squishing his cheeks like he was some kid. "yerim, i love haech, you know that, right?" he teases, unable to hold himself back as he smiled softly. he heaves a sigh as he continues to find comfort next to yerim. "i know..." he lets out quietly, inching closer to yerim even more, as if the nonexistent space between them wasn't already occupied. "i love haech more than anyone and anything... but i love you too, silly girl." he lets out, reaching out to pinch her cheeks. jaemin knows he's not supposed to suddenly be playful like this, it might make people think he truly has gone crazy. maybe he has, he's not sure.

but even around yerim, he didn't want to dwell in his sadness. he didn't want her to worry anymore than she already does. jaemin can handle it, he really is alright. he just needed company, one that yerim provides willingly. she was always more than a friend, they were so much more than that now. jaemin would go to hell and back for yerim. at times like this, he's relieved that he has her in his life. he knows that no matter what happens, yerim will have his back, and will hold his hand through anything. "you better treat me somewhere really good..."

✰┆CHILD’S PLAY

rkhaechan·:

there is perhaps one thing jaemin liked about children, they're openness to everything. the curiosity would come close second if he didn't have experiences in the past with it becoming annoying very quickly. that was the thing, it's ironic how kids who were supposed to know very little about the way the world works are more openminded to things that those who were supposed to be more knowledgeable dismiss. he supposed that it's because of that fact that he still makes an effort to be kind towards them -- tries to, at least.

he watches as the last kid leaves, smiles and waves goodbye. jaemin had to admit that there was some kind of comfort in teaching children. he looks over to donghyuck as the older takes his hand, smiling softly as he replies, "no, you are..." jaemin could only close his eyes, the rest of the world fading away again, just him and haech there -- just like how he wanted it. the rest of the world can disappear, they could all just leave him and his boyfriend alone and he'll be fine with that. you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, the words make jaemin's heart skip a beat. "you, silly, are the best thing that's ever happend to me."

jaemin lets haech lead him out, watching him turn off the lights and the lock the door behind them. "we can't have that now, can we?" he smiles as plants a kiss on haech's forehead, giving his hand a light squeeze. "what do you feel like having, hm?" he asks, pulling haech closer to him, arm wrapping around his shoulders. "anything you want, my treat, pretty boy!" he teases before poking at haech's side knowing well that he's ticklish.

✰┆WARMTH

rkhaechan·:

jaemin looks at donghyuck as he spoke before looking away, a smile on his lips as he did. ‘i don’t wanna run away, jaem’ reassured him that every decision he has made until now were right. he had no doubts, had waited patiently for his boyfriend to say those words on his own. and hearing him say it out loud makes jaemin even more certain to pursue his dreams, for him, for them. in a way, he understood what it was like to hide, maybe he didn’t want to admit but maybe it was what he was doing all these years. he feigns nonchalance when it fact, not actively speaking his truth was no different from hiding it.

“it is what i want…” he tells haech, reaching for his hand and gives it a squeeze. “it’s what i want because it will help us be… you know, this.” he motions to the both of them, “anywhere we want.” it will be a difficult process, tedious even, and there will be disappointments along the way, but whenever he looks at donghyuck and how far both of them have come, he knows it will be worth it. he didn’t need a thousand people to support his plans, he only to hear lee donghyuck by his side. that’s all the strength and confirmation he truly needed. people can and might turn their backs on him, but he knows for certain that donghyuck will never.

jaemin holds his breath, worried that he’s said something wrong. he looks worriedly at haech, smiling lightly as he reaches out to help him with his tears. “why are you so beautiful even when you’re crying, hm?” he lets out quietly, hugging him back and kissing haech’s hair. “no sorrrys, okay?” he adds, pulling away, holding haech face, thumbs stroking over his cheeks. “you didn’t do anything wrong, haech.” he smiles, pulling his boyfriend back for a hug. for a moment there, he feels a pang of guilt, he did wish they didn’t have to hide, that they can be like this anytime, anywhere they wanted. it feels like… stolen moments when it was not supposed to be that at all.

and it hit jaemin once again, a question that perhaps donghyuck doesn’t get to ask very often. a question that jaemin himself has evaded for quite some time. “how about you…” he begins, trying to think of the right words to say, less intrusive, less demanding. “what are your… plans?” he asks hesitantly, humming before he continues, “what do you want to do, lee donghyuck?” he will support his boyfriend no matter what, whatever it was that he truly wants to do -- whether it be standing on stage, becoming an astronaut, or just travel the world.

— the giant from the castle

rkseokwoo·:

there was so much of kim seokwoo that reminded him of his older brother, the way he was open to hear the younger’s thoughts, the kindness, and… well, all of it. But unlike jaehan, the man standing before him didn’t come off as arrogant even when jaemin thinks he’s being righteous. maybe if his brother was more like seokwoo, they’d still have a good relationship. but he’s not. the interest grows with every passing second, the annoyance fades and is replaced by curiosity. this young man is jaehan with all his annoying parts replaced with something jaemin can actually tolerate. he just hoped this isn’t just a ‘for show’ kind of thing for seokwoo, because if it was… that will be disappointing. but then again, that wouldn’t be a surprise now, would it? kim seokwoo is just like na jaehan.

and true to this observation, he really is like jaehan. he looks up at him, brows knitting with one question right after another - both asked for his convenience again. “you…” jaemin quickly stopped himself, ‘talk too much’ would have been too rude again no matter how accurate it described seokwoo then. “really think of everything, don’t you?” he says instead, sighing and then shaking his head, a smile finally clinging at the corner of his lips. “customer service…” he repeats, intending it to be quiet, but said it a little too loudly. he figured it was more of an excuse… but ‘excuses are made for bad behavior, jaemin’ his brother once told him. “na. jae. min.” he replies, bowing back, almost dismissively. just the idea that jaehan is still influencing his thought process frustrated him, making him roll his eyes as he motions for seokwoo to follow him. his brother knew nothing… except think of himself. seokwoo is probably no different.

jaemin remembered haech pointing out something that he wanted to eat and drink. he’d save more time (and now, money too) if he got it before he went back to meet him. he starts to look around, trying to recall where it was. he wanted to tell seokwoo what it was he was looking for, but honestly, he couldn’t remember what it was called either, some kind of western fusion food, and fizzy candy or something. when he saw it, he’d know. but for someone who scolded someone probably older than he is, and who’s so detail-oriented, it would be embarrassing. “aren’t you with your friends or something?” he asks, trying to make small talk. “they’re not going to attack me suddenly, are they?”

mission (im)possible

rkxsoojin·:

jaemin could see the hesitation now, but he makes an effort to be more warm. seeing her now, it does bring back some memories, a face in his memory that was always vague now becomes clearer, and her name now rings a bell. he could hear his mom's amused laugh, right in his ear and her hand softly rubbing his back. it was something she did when jaemin does something 'silly', instances that rarely happen that make it even more 'endearing' she says. the thought of the word make him smile, he never though the word to describe his younger self. he was always more organized, more serious, and more driven than jaehan. serious comes with most memories, but how he'd give more for the endearing ones his mom smiled and laughed at.

"yeah, everything's okay," he tells her with a reassuring smile. "you're not feeling cold, are you?" jaemin notes, eyes glancing over how soojin had her arms across herself. "i could haech a call, meet us somewhere for maybe a scarf or something?" he takes out his phone and statrs scrolling through his contacts as he starts to walk. even jaemin is caught off guard with how accommodating he was being. he had a feelin that soojin probably is too, maybe even more worried than she already is now. the usual jaemin wouldn't speak or care so much about his company, he'd go straight to business and get everything done without so much as small talk. but tonight, he's being chatty.

he looks around as they walked, switched with soojin so she could be at the 'safer' side of the sidewalk. "do you still remember where we live?" he asks, smiling as he looked at his cousin. "you visited us a few times, right? do you remember that jerk... i mean, my hyung? jaehan hyung?" even when he makes an effort to be nicer, years of getting used to referring to jaehan as 'that jerk' was something he can't change. he wouldn't be surprised if soojin didn't agree, other people always found jaehan to be more sociable than him after all. he was the good brother, that one who entertained relatives and help their mom with the snacks. "he's not there by the way... if you were looking forward to see him."

✰┆SWEET NOTHINGS

rkhaechan·:

jaemin can't remember the time that he'd ever cried in front of anyone, not even donghyuck. perhaps, he had but he was too out of it to remember. and now, he's doing it, knowingly, a part of him doesn't feel the shame and disappointment with himself that was ingrained in him growing up. it was just what it is -- na jaemin is crying. perhaps it was because he trusted his boyfriend the most, or that he was too exhausted to pretend he was okay after everything that's happened in the past few months. he didn't even bother to come up with something witty or to act defensive when he felt the older grab onto his hand.

he smiles, continues to eat, and hums as haech began to talk. jaemin gives his hand a squeeze, only to realize what it was that donghyuck was telling. maybe he did catch a glimpse of his boyfriend holding back a laugh, and it wasn't just his brain convincing him that what he was doing is embarrassing. "it kinda is, isn't it?" he says, letting a small smile pull on his lips, setting the chopsticks down to wipe his tears away, straightening up before taking a deep breath. "i'm okay... really, i'm fine... just..." he looks at the older's face once again, seeing the adorable frown that makes him lean in to kiss his nose. "i'm actually...not okay."

there was no use to hide or deny it, haech would know anyway. maybe even before jaemin could admit to himself what it was he was feeling. lee donghyuck would see right through everything. "i just..." his boyfriend's offer was not something he'd usually do, there was just too much and everything was not as easy to explain. he wanted to at least organize his thought better, have more sense. and yet the longer he looked at haech, the more making sense didn't matter. i just wanna help. jaemin believed his words, he knew that haech wasn't just saying it for the sake of. "i feel like a failure, after everything... i feel like i'm not... built for this? i like making music, and doing what i think is rapping... but now, i don't know."

take my hand

yujinrk·:

jaemin could still see through the facade as yujin gestures at her height. still, he laughs and ruffles her hair as he continues to listen, "that you most certainly do, don't you?" but with every word that his friend spoke, he fel just how much it affected her. it was all but a natural response, perhaps he, too, would have the same thoughts beneath all the congratulations and offers to help those who did make it. he was careful about his expression, about how to react and respond to yujin.

he was the type who talked carelessly, one who put feelings aside to talk about facts and reality. even with his friends, but he was not entirely heartless. over the year, he's found himself being more... considerate of the way others, especially his friends. jaemin was ecstatic about being casted, another chance to prove himself, to show what he's learned over the last few months... and what he wanted to do in the future. he understood the way yujin felt and she was in no way making him feel bad about being casted just because she said it oud loud.

"you can't really avoid doing comparisons..." he says as a matte of fact, "and as much as we reall don't want to, it's inevitable, so i understand..." he tells her with a smile. "and as annoying as it is -- i know i get annoyed when people try to be positive about it, but... you know, your timeline in this universe is different with other's, yujin." and here he was again with his stupid science stuff. "you are not inadequate, yujin. and i'm sure you didn't make any mistake, they're just not ready for you yet."

– ☾ .* RAP FOR THE SOUL

rkyuqi·:

jaemin's thoughts were still all over the place, so many things running through his mind making his heart race a bit. he's never one to be nervous like this before, and to think he has prepared rather well for it. he tried to concentrate on somewhere else, tried to bring his focus on the girl trying to make conversation. perhaps, she too was experiencing the same thing. that was the easiest assumption to make, he didn't have to psych himself out and end up ruining his chances in the competition. he knew better than that, this wasn't just for him after all.

it was easy to focus on yuqi, she was a pretty girl and a talented one too. jaemin smiles back at her attempts to help -- if this had been another time and another place, he'd probably said something to make her go away when she gave him a pat. the thing is, yuqi was really trying, and was being considerate by not being pushing too hard. "it's alright, don't worry..." he reassures her, laughing a bit as she does do as she say, talk and talk. "i don't mind that you do, you can talk to me..." he adds, watching her take a deep breath.

he wasn't sure if anyone else would remember his performance. he figured that in shows like this, being unforgettable in itself is already a talent. "oh..." he lets out at her compliment, "that's... that's good, i mean... thanks, you're talented too, yuqi. you're really good." jaemin wasn't sure why he stuttered, why he couldn't own up to what he knew was good content. he wouldn't have performed any of the pieces he did if he thougth they weren't good. "i... i really appreciate that, thank you." he smiles at her, softly. "how are you really feeling though?"

✰┆RAINBOW FLAG

rkhaechan·:

he reminds himself that they were in a safe space, that donghyuck feels more courageous than he usually is because here no one would give dirty looks or whisper hateful things to their companion when they hold hands, kiss, or display any form of affection. this is the kind the of space jaemin worked hard to give his boyfriend, and not just in the confides of their home, but anywhere they are as long as they were together. he'd be lying if he said that it was easy. sure, from his point of view, with the way he saw the world and cared little about what people say or show, it always is, but it's a different story with lee donghyuck. and it is because of that he was even more determined to be successful, to become somebody so he could give him this safe space.

"a cutie with a cute rainbow heart it is," he tells donghyuck, lightly touching the tip of his nose before he laughs a bit. he lets himself be pulled towards the booth, watchin haech have the time of his life as he interacted with such confidence and excitement. this is the donghyuck that jaemin saw everyday, and he wanted the rest of the world to see it too. it was a sin to keep this sight all to himself, and seeing this here, in broad daylight, makes jaemin feel butterflies in his stomach. haech is so beautiful, beyond words and out of this world. he doesn't take his eyes off of haech as the heart was painted onto his cheek, looking around to see where they could go to next, but only to see that the older was done. "it looks perfect!" he says with a proud smile, giving haech's hand a light squeeze. "so perfect..."

even as he sat down for his turn, he kept his eyes on haech, kept their hands locked as he smiled up and tried to stay still despite the need to look around. jaemin has not attended a major event like this, at least not out in the open. he had been to those ambiguous themed gatherings were everyone is just... open to everything. this is different, this event was a celebration, and not the way he would have. being here with haechan made him realize just how much he truly loved him, how much he truly wanted that change in society, and how much he wanted what others deemed 'different' to be 'normal'. he smiles hearing donghyuck say those words, feeling his heart swell as it always does when he says it. he looks over to him and stops walking to face him, "i love you too, lee donghyuck... always have, always will."

너는 너 나는 나

yujinrk·:

jaemin is reminded by what it was like before with him and yujin, of how it seems like he was the one who has it together. it always seemed that way, but in reality, he was far from composed. some time ago, no matter how calm he looked, jaemin's mind was chaos and the young girl standing before him was one of the few who helped him stay sane despite everything. ahn yujin helped more than she probably thought she did. he wouldn't be standing here telling her this sincere words if she hadn't done the same for him back then.

he smiles as he watched her, ruffling her hair a bit as she spoke almost too quietly to be heard. but even if yujin didn't say a word, jaemin will surely hear. he will surely find a way to hear what it was she wanted to say. that's how important she's always been, one of the few that he treated more than a friend but more like family -- a younger sister. "that's right, you better listen to your oppa..." he teases, smiling at her. "and you're definitely not whiny, yujin... i don't think you are." he adds, giving her cheek a pinch.

"so..." he starts, looking around before rubbing at his stomach, "i'm still pretty hungry and want some ramen, but you know what, i'll let you decide where we eat, yes?" jaemin continues, throwing an arm around yujin's shouler, like the old days. it was like the days before, when the last thing he cared about was what people said, and he hoped the same for his friend. "it's your lucky day, ahn yujin! i feel a little generous today." he adds, laughing lightly.

✰┆SWEET NOTHINGS

rkhaechan·:

everything was still vivid. even after a good night's sleep, there was still so much going on in his mind to focus on just one thing. it was usually easy to pick apart the things that bother him, he tackles them like he would an equation -- and there was none that was left unsolved. perhaps, today would be the first. because now, he's sitting in the couch, looking at his beat maker without an ounce of desire to make something for the day. at one point last night, he woke up and thought maybe this elimination made him feel... raw. the whole mga experience gave him new perspectives about this idol thing, and perhaps the saddest one was that... he isn't built for it. he could work hard or smart about it, but he still wouldn't make it. that's a cold hard reality, and it hit him right in the face.

na jaemin isn't stopped by the smallest inconveniences -- which would explain why he still auditioned despite kt and royal handing him resounding NO's. he looked at everything as a window of opportunity, like those trials for groundbreaking discoveries in experiments. but even the most optimistic has his limits, and even if he knew the possibilities and the slim probability of making it through competitions like the mgas, he still... hoped. at the end of it all, he just reminded himself that he doesn't fit the narrative the mgas wanted to tell this season. and with that he closes that chapter of this path. his attention was shifted to haech as he announced what jaemin asked for earlier. "looks good, baby..." he says with a small smile, sighing as he straightens up, humming and looking as enthusiastic as he can. like he always does.

he isn't a sore loser, so he wouldn't make such a big deal out of this. he had said countless of times to everyone who had the courage to ask how he felt, that he is fine. and he truly is, but maybe there was some things that are to be left unspoken. for jaemin to let it go like that, it frustrates him. "i just... want noddles, baby. but thank you for the offer..." he tells haech, leaning for a kiss on the older's forehead. he focuses on the food, tries to distract himself from the thoughts now organized in a bulleted list of detailed remarks about performances, song choices, and original compositions. and as he takes another mouthful, gaze focused on the shiny blobs on the surface of the soup, he sees a riffle. when he straighte up, he feels a warm sensation down his cheeks. his chest rise and falls, and he looks at haech as he chewed. "this thing is hot..."