Avatar

Sherlock Holmes | Consulting Detective

@the-reichenbach-hero-blog1 / the-reichenbach-hero-blog1.tumblr.com

sideblog to returnedtohavemyvengeance. Status: []Online [x]Offline []Drafts/Queue
Avatar
Avatar
sherlohomora

John’s started reading classic fairy tales to Rosie at bedtime. Here are Sherlock’s reviews (on a scale of 1 to 5 stars):

Little Red Riding Hood:  ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

“I admire the girl’s independence, but this idiot child doesn’t recognize the difference between her beloved grandmother and a dangerous WOLF? The SAME WOLF she met in the forest less than an hour ago? And you think MY disguises are silly…”

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs:   ☆ ☆ ☆

“I like the part about the Evil Queen demanding Snow White’s heart – nice and macabre. So Snow White runs away to the forest and becomes a housekeeper for a gang of diminutive gay miners?  They should’ve just ended the story there – I don’t care for all that pointless, predictable nonsense about the poison apple and the prince.”

Goldilocks and the Three Bears:  ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

“If those bears were any worse at deduction, they’d work for New Scotland Yard.” 

“Thought you might relate to Goldilocks, love – you’re both picky, impatient, show zero respect for others’ personal property…” 

“Oh please, John. Goldilocks is a moron – now, if Rosie wants to learn how to perform a proper home invasion…”  

No.”

The Three Little Pigs:  ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

“It’s a scam, obviously. At least two of these pig brothers are guilty of insurance fraud, and the third may be in on it as well. A wolf BLEW your house down? While straw and sticks may not be the sturdiest of building materials, the lung capacity of the average fully grown Canis lupus is not great enough to produce the force necessary to demolish even an exceedingly shoddy dwelling.”

The Little Mermaid:  ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

“Why no pirates? Would be better with pirates.”

Rapunzel:  ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

“I’d like to know Rapunzel’s diet, genetic makeup (or at least ethnicity), cranial circumference, surface area of her scalp, the height of the tower, the surrounding climate and humidity level, what sort of shampoo/conditioner she used, whether or not she used hairspray or styling product …numerous variables affect the tensile strength and growth rate of human hair, you know…“

Sleeping Beauty:  ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

“Sleep is tedious.”

Cinderella:  ☆ ☆ 

“I love a ball. The ball is good – beautiful gown, the prince in his dress uniform, love at first sight, dancing the night away, AND a mystery! Yet it’s all ruined because I can’t stand the utter STUPIDITY of trying the glass slipper on every eligible maiden in the land…it doesn’t take a deductive genius to recognize that’s a waste of time!”

Rumplestiltskin:   

“This one actually has some valuable lessons. For one thing, someone is always listening – royal minions in a fairy tale, Mycroft’s cameras and covert agents, the homeless network…we’re under surveillance of some sort at all times. Be vigilant, be aware, observe. Also, if you happen to have a ridiculous name, OWN IT – there’s no point trying to keep it a secret, because it’ll come out eventually, JOHN HAMISH WATSON.”  

Avatar

New Leaf (rp with the-reichenbach-hero)

She nodded, “A few times yes. I would go with your gut. It’s probably not him.”

Sherlock nodded in agreement, staring at his hands. He really wanted that to be a sincere apology, and he couldn’t help but look sad. However, the look of sadness was replaced by a look of concern of the next message.

Avatar

New Leaf (rp with the-reichenbach-hero)

She nodded, “I can’t blame you. If I were in your shoes, I would want the same thing. But if this isn’t John, they might be using that to their advantage.”
She took a few more bites of her food before sipping her water.

A few moments later, the phone went off again. Sherlock stared at it, concerned. “Ever get a bad feeling about something but yet, you can’t exactly place it?” He sighed. “Something feels off... I mean, it sounds like John, but yet... almost as if the message is forced.”

Avatar

New Leaf (rp with the-reichenbach-hero)

When her alfredo came, she thanked the waiter and started to eat. “I mean, if I were in John’s shoes, after that fight earlier, I wouldn’t be apologizing within 24 hours. I really doubt that that apology is sincere, truthful, or real. Just try texting back, "Who is this?” If he’s quick to defend himself or defends in a way John normally wouldn’t, we know it isn’t him.“

“You have a point.” Sherlock sighed, knowing that it was unlikely John would be texting. “I guess I’m just wanting things to get back to normal.” 

He picked up his phone, sending the message. “Well, now we wait and see...”

Avatar

New Leaf (rp with the-reichenbach-hero)

“You’re not hungry?”

“No... haven’t had much of an appetite as of late. Not to mention I rarely eat when there’s a case, or if something is about to go down.” he drummed his fingers on the table for a few moments before speaking again. “Have you heard from Lestrade at all? I haven’t.”

You are using an unsupported browser and things might not work as intended. Please make sure you're using the latest version of Chrome, Firefox, Safari, or Edge.