STOP THIS

Shadowheart & Karlach

You: *panicking, running for your life through my labyrinth space station*

Me, over intercoms: You have terf bangs

emperor kuzco was clearly gay

hes 19, with unlimited power, and he ain’t got a gf. the only time we see him interact with any women his own age is when he’s rejecting like 7 of them rapid fire. he pretends to date pacha in a gag that lasts like 10 solid minutes. listen to me god damnit

Okay, but just in case anyone is coming to tumblr dot com for my hot takes on 20+ year old kids' movies: Kuzco super WAS gay (or at least coded as such) and of course, I didn't get it until I watched it as a gay grownup.

He is played obviously camp and dramatic, for a start, and there is the aforementioned "hate your hair/not likely/yikes yikes yikes/let me guess you have a great personality" summary dismissal of all his potential brides. Then he spends dinner asking Yzma about Kronk ("so he seems nice? He's what, in his late twenties?") and otherwise being slightly obsessed with him.

Then there is the whole Adventure of Doom with Pacha, him being ever huffy about the Kiss of Life, and then the restaurant gag where Kuzco takes to playing Pacha's fake wife and dressing up in ladies' clothing with great gusto (reinforced by the waitress' "bless you for coming out in public" remark when Pacha says they're on their honeymoon). Then when he is finally de-llamafied, we don't see him paired off with the obligatory girl from the lineup earlier, as might otherwise be expected in a Disney movie. Instead he is still single, but goes to found family it up with Pacha, Chica, Kronk, etc, which dare we remark is a very queer trope.

In short, I have no idea how a Disney movie with no white people (all the characters are Indigenous/people of color), a gay king, cross-dressing jokes, and the most offbeat plot of all time actually ever got made (can you imagine the Family Friendly Mouse doing that today? Let us also talk about Kronk because he is a brilliant deconstruction of both toxic masculinity and the musclebound henchman stereotype.) Other than that this was the Chaos Hour of animated movies in the late 90s/early 2000s, and yes.

So yes. There you have it. I will not be taking criticism at this time.

In response to the question “How did a movie like this get made at all much less by fucking Disney?” there was a recent Vulture article that outlines the whole shit show of a history behind this film according to everyone (writers, directors, VAs, Stings) involved. The gist of the story is that they fucked up making a whole, true-to-form Disney musical that never came to see the light of day SO BADLY that Disney switched directors, locked the writer’s room, and didn’t review a single script until weeks after the film was in theaters.

Please, read this article if you have some time. This story is wild, and involves directors being pitted against each other Bake-Off style and a shockingly intimate documentary created by the wife of Sting who, himself was heartbroken by the decimation of the songs he wrote for the film including cutting a fantastic Yzma villain song sung by Eartha Kitt that is SO DAMN GOOD but would not ever have fit the more nailed-down Yzma we would eventually come to know and love. It’s so catchy though, I’m doubling up on calls to action but please listen now:

holy shit read the article. it’s worth it and completely batshit

This is fucking insane

I've never adequately appreciated the batshit brilliance of this joke, I've taken it for granted

The "How did you get here?" "Yeah, by all accounts it makes no sense" gag suddenly got a whole new context huh?

honestly a good partner isn’t necessarily someone who loves the exact same things you love but rather someone who is willing to listen to you ramble on and on about a particular subject that you’re passionate about even if they have little to no interest in it

It’s like Natasha Bedingfield said… release your inner bitches or whatever.

it feels like the people who are actually sad about the submersible are being more disrespectful than people actively making fun of it. what the fuck do you mean people are writing fanfictions of what they thought happened inside ☠☠☠

DUDE WHAT?????

and they think the people making jokes are the ones out of touch...

lmao

we’ve had one, yes, but what about SECOND government crisis?

"Get over your hill and see

What you find there

With grace in your heart

And flowers in your hair"

I've been sitting on this Yasha piece for a bit and thought I'd finally share 🖤 missing her always

haha nooooo don’t recreate puritanism under the guise of progressivism because you don’t have critical thinking skills like for realllll stopppp haha

as much as i appreciate the increased usage of they/them pronouns as a non binary person that uses those pronouns, y'all need to also understand that using they/them on someone who does not use they/them is still misgendering

Using they/them for someone whose gender/pronouns you’re unsure of: good; doesn’t make assumptions; more concise and inclusive than the dreaded “he or she.” not misgendering

Using they/them for someone who has already told you their gender/pronouns (and doesn’t use they/them): not good; ignores their implicit/explicit wishes; often used as an ‘out’ by closet transphobes to avoid referring to a binary trans person with their preferred pronouns while still appearing ‘woke.’ this is misgendering

honey the killer from scream is on the phone and he wants to know your pronouns

I love going viral on tumblr.com. It’s like if you stood in a field and said some of the stupidest shit a human being is capable of and then like fifty thousand crows attacked you

Don’t do this to me

HE SAID STUPID SHIT LETS GET HIM

Roleplay heavy d&d campaigns hate him: local DM destroys his whole party with this one simple trick

This is the best addition possible and it happened so fast I’m convinced you’re a real mind flayer