personalitypie reblogged
personalitypie reblogged
Anonymous asked:
1) welcome back! You were missed! 2) Do you think certain MBTI types are prone to certain problematic behaviors and 3) if so which ones really bother you or you dislike?
Thanks. Yes, certain MBTI types show trends when it comes to problematic behaviors. My top one for each cognitive function:
High Te (ENTJ, ESTJ, INTJ, ISTJ): The Sledgehammer
Summary: Uses a one-size-fits-all solution for different sized problems.
Example:
- Using brute force to power through situations that might require more patience, finesse, and reflection.
- “This worked great for me, you’re dumb not to do the same.”
- “Don’t pursue a career in art, you’re going to be poor. Go into business, law, or medicine.”
Impact: The problem with being a hammer is that you’ll start to see everything and everyone as a nail. It also makes people feel like their opinions and points of view are less valuable than yours. It also falsely presumes that the choice which yields the best output objectively (example: the job that yields the most money) is the best. It negates the reality that people have different indicators for success because there isn’t only one correct answer to every question.
Solution: Incorporate subjective variables into your objective logical frameworks.
High Ti (INTP, ISTP, ENTP, ESTP): The Hamster Wheel
Summary: Invalidates everything in a perpetual logic loop.
Example:
- “Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?” x1,000,000
Impact: You succeed at winning debates but fail at solving problems. Whether or not you can rationalize the validity of money doesn’t take away from the fact you still have bills to pay at the end of the day. Whether or not you can rationalize the value of grades and traditional education doesn’t take away from the fact you’ll be denied entry into many careers without the right qualifications. Whether or not you can rationalize that having children is a logical idea or not doesn’t take away from the fact that many people aspire to be parents. The validity of other people’s goals, dreams, concerns, and issues are not contingent on whether or not they can explain them to your satisfaction.
Solution: Create solutions, answers, and actions for every hole you poke in other people’s logic– not more problems.
High Fe (ENFJ, ESFJ, INFJ, ISFJ): The Guilt Trip
Summary: Guilt trip. verb. to make (someone) feel guilty, especially in order to induce them to do something.
Example: Self-explanatory.
Impact: This is manipulation. You’ll get on people’s nerves and make them miserable because you’ve forced them into situations they didn’t willingly want to enter or participate in of their own accord. Secondly, you haven’t provided solid concrete reasons and logic for why someone should do something, it’s an argument made without taking into consideration the other person’s comfort or needs.
Solution: Explain clearly and transparently why you want someone to do something (yes, it’s really that simple).
High Fi (INFP, ISFP, ESFP, ISFP): The Cloudy Mirror
Summary: Judges people for things they don’t want to be judged for.
Example:
- “I wish society wouldn’t judge me for not wanting to have children and not wanting to be a housewife.” [Proceeds to judge people who want to have children and want to be a housewife]
- “Not everyone wants to be rich in life, we all have different definitions of success that should be respected.” [Doesn’t respect people who want to be rich in life, automatically think these people are greedy sell-outs]
Impact: This is hypocrisy. It also comes off as illogical and presumptuous when people’s intents and motivations are automatically filled in by you. Some people buy sports cars because they actually have a passion for driving– they’re not necessarily materialistic. Some people seek high-paying careers at the expense of personal passions because they have obligations and goals they’d like to reach– they’re not necessarily greedy. Some people like traditional gender roles in relationships because that’s their personal choice– they’re not necessarily oppressed and/or close-minded.
Solution: Accept that “conformity” in behavior, goals, aspirations, appearance, etc. doesn’t equate to misery and/or lack of authenticity.
High Ne (ENTP, ENFP, INTP, INFP): The Whiplash*
Summary: Chronic quitting and the inability to commit due to impatience and lack of discipline.
- *Whiplash: noun. a neck injury due to forceful, rapid back-and-forth movement of the neck, like the cracking of a whip.
Example:
- “I’m going to do A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J … Z!” [Does none of it]
- “Let’s do this. Let’s do that. Let’s go back to doing this. Let’s go back to doing that.”
- “I want to have six-pack abs! I’m going to be SHREDDED.” [Exercises and eats well for one day then goes back to bad habits the next day]
Impact: People stop taking you seriously because you can’t execute on your promises, it dilutes the weight of your words and it corrodes respect (ex: “Yeah, uh-huh, sure you will, buddy.”). No one is immediately an expert at something the first try– seeds take time to grow and you’re no exception to this rule. Developing expertise and skills require time, commitment, and consistency. Results don’t happen overnight.
Solution: Underpromise and overdeliver– don’t overpromise and underdeliver.
High Ni (INTJ, INFJ, ENTJ, ENFJ): The Nutcracker
Summary: Hits people below the belt using knowledge those people shared against them.
Example:
- Someone is insecure about their weight, you insult their weight.
- Someone is insecure about their skin color, you make a comment about their skin color.
- Someone tells you a secret, you expose it.
Impact: People won’t confide in you for fear you’ll use what they told you against them. This creates barriers to having close and meaningful friendships because people will view and treat you like a ticking time bomb they can’t let their guard down around. Understand that certain topics and comebacks are off-limits no matter how you feel about the person at the moment; certain words and actions have a lasting impact on your relationships. Memories fade but scars last.
Solution: The nuclear option should be your last resort, never your first.
High Se (ESTP, ESFP, ISTP, ISFP): The Blindfire*
Summary: Leaps before they look.
- *Blindfire: noun. The term referring to the act of operating a firearm without looking at what one is shooting at.
Example:
- Winging it, all the time.
- “Go go go go go!”
- Google Search: “Donald+Trump”
Impact: Your lack of foresight and lack of planning will set you back even further from your goals because immediate rewards and instant gratification often only provide short-term benefits that rarely last. There’s a proverb that’s applicable here: “measure twice, cut once” which means that investing time and energy up front to do it correctly the first time will save a ton of time, money, energy, and grief later down the line.
Solution: Stop, drop, and roll think if the path you’re on actually leads to where you want to go.
High Si (ISTJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ESFJ): The Helicopter
Summary: Micromanaging, nitpicking people to death.
Example:
- “Write the email but let me review and edit before you send it.”
- “What are you doing right now? Where are you going? When are you coming back?”
- “I noticed when you loaded the dishwasher you put the spoons and forks in before the pots and pans, you should put the pots and pans in before the spoons and forks.”
Impact: Half the internet is writing posts complaining about you, the other half is writing posts complaining about having to read all the posts complaining about you. Micromanagement saps people of confidence and motivation, it also increases the chance that the bad thing you’re trying to prevent will actually happen. Additionally, you’ll feel paranoid and anxious that something will go disastrously wrong if you’re gone which results in burnout because you’ll always need to be there to keep an eye on things. This is counterproductive for everyone involved.
Solution: Choose your battles wisely– focus on the “what” (the goal) and not the “how” (the method).
Wing differentiation (a work in progress)
2w1 Seeks love validation through self-perfection and embodying an ideal 2w3 Seeks love validation through performing the role of a provider and seeing to other’s needs
3w2 Seeks ego validation through networking and selectively sharing their truth with others 3w4 Seeks ego validation through constantly transforming and revising their self-concept
4w3 Seeks identity validation by taking on the role they think is needed/desired 4w5 Seeks identity validation by cataloging their traits and ruminating on what makes them unique
5w4 Seeks detachment by honing in on universal flaws and using them to individuate 5w6 Seeks detachment by preemptive provisioning and securing their position
6w5 Seeks security via mentally cataloging and forecasting possible dangers 6w7 Seeks security via only focusing on things that make them feel good and avoiding what doesn’t
7w6 Seeks satisfaction via “buffet-style” sampling of various hobbies to screen for potential 7w8 Seeks satisfaction via relentless pursuit of their latest obsession. The unstoppable force.
8w7 Seeks influence by showing off their capability and courting positive, straightforward interactions . 8w9 Seeks influence by being the nucleus/rock. The eye of the storm. The unmovable object.
9w8 Seeks internal stasis by warding off and evading threats while presenting as unassailable. 9w1 Seeks internal stasis by embodying true neutrality and being uncritiziable.
1w9 Seeks super-ego validation by suppressing their indignation and resentment at “wrongness" 1w2 Seeks super-ego validation by imposing their vision of “right” on the world “for the greater good"
Tritype Profiles: The Philosopher
Fixes: 1, 4, 6 (in any order)
Shared Characteristic: Triple critical of self and others
General Profile:
This tritype is characterized by a highly observant and conscientious nature. They can be described as cantankerous optimists - prone to frequent complaining due to their deep faith that everything could always be better. Despite their anxiety and melancholy, they are capable of deep wisdom and compassion. Their downfall is often the stringent standards they impose on themselves and their lives as it can impede their efficacy. These individuals need to learn that life rewards action rather than perfectionism. They tend to be spiritual and contemplative of ethics. They are often creative and drawn to life/career paths that allow them to better the world around them while expressing their individual views and selves.
If Core 1: The most non-conforming 1. Often more humble and less repressed when it comes to their emotional reactions. Tries very hard to avoid hypocrisy but can become angry and abrasive when their ideals are not realized, or when said ideals are dismissed by others. They may put themselves in trying situations to prove themselves, and can have a tendency towards martyrdom (particularly if they are w2). Likeliest instinctual variant: so/sx.
If Core 4: The most conscientious 4. Frequently uses art as a social/philosophical statement. May think of themselves as ascetics - indulging their emotionally-masochistic tendencies with the belief that they deserve nothing and that beating themselves up will make them a better person. More likely than other 4s to engage the outside world for the sake of espousing their ideals rather than retreating from it. Likeliest instinctual variant: sp/so.
If Core 6: The most particular 6. They are more introspective and less purely pragmatic than other 6s - the security they desire is strong moral footing. As with other 6s, belonging and validation are important to them, but they are not content to merge with just any group nor accept validation from just anyone. They desire a group that shares their values and respects what they bring to the table, and they scrutinize any validation they receive, often believing those who invalidate them have more insight. Likeliest IV: so/sp.
Likely MBTI: INFP, INFJ, INTJ, ISTJ, ENFJ
CARING FOR ENNEAGRAM TYPE 6
I can’t say I have the Type 6 distinctly operative within me, but some of the best people I’ve known are this type. I first got to know the type to some extent through my grandmother and then through a couple of good friends that helped me while I was in my teens, dealing with family dysfunction. Later on, my experience with more people of this type was mixed and I studied the Enneagram more. So this is caring for the Type 6, for anyone that would like to promote or - at least - respect their well-being and growth. If you have more input, feel free to add! What to keep in mind about the type: The Type 6 can be a highly committed person, taking their commitments very seriously (sometimes too seriously). They seek stability and security in some form and will make sure they know well what they’re getting themselves into. They question and test, and their trust may be difficult to earn. They tend to do their best to deliver on their promises and expect the same from others. They lose respect for people they view as lacking integrity and responsibility or who are not as diligent as they could be for the causes they deem important. Generally, they aim to make positive contributions and work hard to make things better from a small to a bigger scale - by assisting a few select people, groups, communities or humanity as a whole. What they enjoy: - Improving their knowledge and understanding. They are cerebral and technical-minded; they will seek to study and grasp systems, trends, their components and how they interconnect - down to specific details. - Making progress toward their aspirations. They have (or need to have) projects and goals they can invest in, preferably purposeful ones that lead to something significant. - Building solid relationships and feeling safe within them. They may be hard to make friends with, but some of them can be some of the best friends you’ve ever had and won’t settle for a poor definition of friendship. They look for people they can count on and rely on. - Appreciation and positive feedback. While some of them may be adverse to praise and some may instead verge on vanity, in the end, being recognized can be helpful to them for evaluating their actions… if not only satisfactory. - Being or doing epic or legendary things. Although not necessarily the most ambitious people, they can be idealistic and put their hearts and souls into passing on a unforgettable legacy. What helps them: - Making things clear. They are suspicious and often anxious. Vague and obscure information is not enough. They need to know where things stand and what they’re made of. - Keeping it real and down-to-earth. They can be dreamy and indulge in fantasies, but ultimately, at least a portion of what they visualize must be pursued and manifested in a practical manner, taking the steps necessary to make things come true. - Reciprocating their efforts. What’s fair and just is important to them and they’re usually attuned to this, whether they are able to be accurately discerning or not. They can be very serviceable, and in some cases, this is purely out of principle or generosity and they don’t intend to receive in return. However, there are times when situations must be win-win and exchanges 50/50 (or at least something close to this). What to watch out for: - Skepticism. While often necessary, it might be taken to the point of detriment and turn into pessimism. At its best, it helps analyse and see things for what they are. At its worst, however, it erodes confidence and becomes cowardice. - Devil’s advocate. Arguing for the sake of arguing, unable to choose a side. They may be trying to examine from as many angles as they can, but might also be thrilled by the heat of debates. At times, this costs them and everyone involved much. - Demands and complaints. They might assume deals where there were none to begin with and be adamant about quantity and quality, developing a sense of entitlement while in a position of privilege. Or it might simply be that they’re overextending themselves and don’t feel or are not appropriately rewarded. - High or impossible standards. They might hold themselves and others to high standards. Some of these might be impossible to reach, given the circumstances. And some are not as important as they believe them to be and need not to be imposed. This can leave them and others feeling like they’re never enough. - Focus on actual and potential problems. As troubleshooters, they don’t ignore problems and try to solve, fix or keep them from happening. This makes them defenders and more. Yet, too much focus on problems can cause said problems to grow in size and keep people in misery or stuck within a comfort zone that’s not quite comforting. What to really be concerned about: - Pedestaling. It’s fine to honor others, especially if they do possess noteworthy qualities. The problematic issues begin when they are set up in an asphyxiating, tall place from which they will inevitably eventually fall and be no more than disappointing. It’s even more problematic if they become harshly competitive and put others down in order to hold to higher regard whom they value most. It’s essential to remember that even people that are the object of adoration can be imperfect humans and not always perform in a manner that merits worship. - Scapegoating. Looking for someone to “lead” them and make all or most of the decisions for them just so that they will have somebody else to blame and not be under the pressure of exercising good judgement and dealing with the consequences. They might be quick to point fingers and deny their own wrongdoings and shortcomings, failing to improve themselves and take control of their destiny. Taking the time to reason this with them might get them to see things differently. - Devoting to false Gods. In desperate attempts to have a savior and protector, they might devote to people and figures that do not truly serve their best interests and stubbornly hold on to them. This might turn into obsession and extremism and lead them into making regrettable choices. They might become dogmatic and fanatic to destructive degrees and rationalize their behavior. While this is a complicated state that’s tricky to awaken from, it’s possible to gradually direct their faith toward more suitable and moderate beliefs. Why should you bother to care? Whether your relationships with Type 6 people are intimate or not, putting in, at the least, a bit of effort on your part (as much as it’s appropriate) can go a long way in making things better for everyone involved. Note: These are only a few things to consider when caring for Type 6.
personalitypie reblogged
Joi Ito:
“What I realized was that a lot of the engineers who work in AI felt that you could reduce the whole world to a function.
That life, human life, was just optimizing. And that the world could be simulated in a computer.
This is almost religious because I think that there are people who have the kind of thinking where they look at their life as a game.
Where they say: “Okay. I’m optimizing for money, and how many minutes do I have to do this.”
I tweeted out the other day: “Those people who think that we live in a computer simulation are the kinds of people who are most likely to be simulations.”
A lot of people approach life like an engineering problem. For them, I could imagine that they could see their whole life being in a computer.
But if you go into the humanities or the East Coast, there are a lot of people who don’t think like a computer.
They live life through experience and only things that happen actually matter. (…)
A lot of the papers that you see by the engineers say: “We’ll just define fairness as accuracy,” or something like that.
And this is what I call reductionist, because fairness is really complex, and it’s always contextual.
My concern is the stuff that we have, which is efficiency, productivity — that’s the stuff that makes us obese, creates climate change, income inequality.
The problems that we have today are caused by the tools that we created.
But I think there’s a lot of people who believe that more efficiency and productivity will fix everything.
I think right now there’s a lot of power in the hands of the reductionists.
And I would put economists and neoclassic economics in this, which is just reducing everything to just measuring GDP. (…)
If you go to places like MIT, the engineers have all the power, all the money, and everything looks like an engineering problem.
And we’ve made liberal arts sort of this sideshow.
I think that we need the historians, social scientists, anthropologists, qualitative people involved in asking the questions: why are we here, what are we doing?”
What Each Enneagram Type Looks for in a Relationship—and What Interferes
Type One
What they look for: Shared purpose and values, equality, fairness, integrity.
What gets in the way: Insisting on being right at the expense of their connection with the other. Manipulates by correcting others—and by playing on their sense of guilt and inadequacy.
Type two
What they look for: Emotional connection, intimacy, warmth, affection.
What gets in the way: Insisting on exclusivity and ever more closeness. Manipulates by finding out others’ needs and desires and by creating secret dependencies.
Type three
What they look for: Social suitability, competence, admirability, attractiveness.
What gets in the way: Insisting on career and social status before the relationship. Manipulates by charming others and by adopting whatever image will work.
Type four
What they look for: Communication, listening, acceptance, emotional honesty.
What gets in the way: Insisting on having all of their emotional needs met immediately. Manipulates by being temperamental and making others walk on eggshells.
Type five
What they look for: Curiosity, intensity, involvement, non-intrusiveness.
What gets in the way: Insisting on personal space and non-interference. Manipulates by staying preoccupied with ideas and projects and by detaching emotionally from others.
Type six
What they look for: Commitment, dependability, shared values, solidity.
What gets in the way: Self-doubt and reactivity: vacillating between need for closeness and need for distance. Manipulates by complaining and by testing others’ commitment to them.
Type seven
What they look for: Stimulation, adventure, excitement, variety.
What gets in the way: Insisting on postponing making commitments. Manipulates by staying upbeat and hyperactive and by insisting that others meet their demands for gratification.
Type eight
What they look for: Dependability, loyalty, strength, sexual compatibility.
What gets in the way: Insisting on maintaining control of others. Manipulates by dominating others and by demanding that others do as they say.
Type nine
What they look for: Comfort, peace, harmony, stability.
What gets in the way: Insisting on not acknowledging problems and remaining neutral in conflicts. Manipulates by “checking out” and by passive-aggressively resisting others.
Source: robinbooth.co.za
Conflict Resolution Tips For Ennagram Types
Enneatype 1
To handle conflict: Ask them to be direct with their anger and get past their resentment; admit your mistakes; speak with personal conviction and authority. Challenge them to see more than one right way. Avoid making agreements that you may not keep or neglecting proper procedures or good manners.
To support their growth: Help them be less critical of themselves and more accepting of their mistakes and imperfections; ask them to mediate their judgment with fairness and forgiveness; remind them to share responsibility with others; encourage them to have fun.
Enneatype 2
To handle conflict: Ask them to take responsibility for getting what they want rather than indirectly blaming others or evoking guilt. Head off outbursts by bringing out their dissatisfaction or resentment. Try to avoid hurting their feelings by being too critical or not taking them seriously.
To support their growth: Help them pay attention to their own needs and feelings and to set boundaries with other people; encourage them to take time out for themselves; remind them to breathe into their belly and feel their feet on the ground.
Enneatype 3
To handle conflict: Allow for aggressive exchanges while staying on track with goals. Remind them that successful results can come with many different styles, and that people are important. Challenge their rhetoric or propaganda while allowing them to save face.
To support their growth: Help them look inside and tell the truth about who they really are; support them in having feelings, especially about their failures; encourage them to slow down and pay attention to their health. Value them for who they are, not only for what they accomplish.
Enneatype 4
To handle conflict: Challenge them to avoid wounded withdrawal on the one hand and angry outbursts on the other. Stay in the middle ground. When they are upset, don’t take everything they say too literally since it may be only the feeling of the moment.
To support their growth: Support Fours in achieving emotional balance and staying on track. Encourage them to express their feelings safely and directly rather than getting caught in chronic negative attitudes or depression. Help them fight their inner critic and resist internalizing blame. Get them to watch what they say and consider their impact on others.
Enneatype 5
To handle conflict: Don’t make assumptions about what’s going on with them. Ask them for direct communication. Agree to disagree. Emphasize the importance of relationship. Watch out for control by withdrawal. Challenge them to be more warm and generous. Give them lots of information. Try not to pressure them for immediate contact or fast decisions
To support their growth: Support Fives in getting into their bodies and accessing their instinctual energy. Make it safe for them to share themselves, especially their feelings. Remind them to let others know that they care, and that they will return to the relationship or project after a break. Help them deal with feelings of emptiness.
Enneatype 6
To handle conflict: Put your cards on the table as much as possible. Don’t be ambiguous. Challenge them to take responsibility for their reactions instead of coming up with external reasons. Refuse to take on their projections. When they feel threatened, they may be antagonistic or withdraw. At times they are testing others to see if they will prove reliable.
To support their growth: Help Sixes to face their fears directly, get reality checks, and ask for personal support. When possible, get them to see the humor in situations. Provide enough safety to get them to relax their mental scanning operation and get more into their bodies and feelings.
Enneatype 7
To handle conflict: Challenge them to take responsibility for their actions, while staying as positive as possible. Get them to stop talking and listen. Let them know what you or others need from them. Repeat it often. Avoid being too negativ,e or insisting on one way of doing things.
To support their growth: Encourage their sobriety or constancy. Help them to get more “down and in.” Support them in staying grounded, balancing their good ideas with common sense. Stress the importance of feedback. Be there for them when they begin to feel their pain.
Enneatype 8
To handle conflict: Stand up to them and confront them directly (in your own style). Accept their angry energy while challenging them to not go off the deep end. Be tough on destructive or threatening behavior, empathetic to underlying hurt feelings.
To support their growth: Support them in using their energy in constructive ways. Confront them on unconscious aggression or their use of anger as a comfortable habit. Help them get in touch with their vulnerability. Assume that they need love and care even when they don’t show it.
Enneatype 9
To handle conflict: Fairness is a crucial issue for Nines. Since they avoid conflict and anger, they are more likely to withdraw or become passive/aggressive, with occasional eruptions. Try to find out what’s going on inside and let them know you won’t abandon them. When and if they do blow up, help them set boundaries on their rage.
To support their growth: Give them personal attention. Help Nines create structures and schedules for their lives to keep them on track with priorities. Ask for their cooperation rather than trying to push them around. Challenge them on their need to be comfortable, and help them take risks. Be accepting, but persistent.
Source: enneagramwork.com
infpaper
What Each Enneagram Type Is Secretly Afraid You’ll Find Out About Them
Type 1: That they are fundamentally immoral and have vices.
Type 1s are known for being social justice advocates and fearless fighters for a more moral society. But the reason these types are so preoccupied with the way the world ought to be is because they are constantly moving away from the fear that they themselves are corrupt and immoral. At their core, this type is terrified that others will discover them to be immoral, flawed and riddled with vices – just like everyone else who surrounds them.
Type 2: That they are not worthy of being loved.
Type 2s are known for devoting themselves unabashedly to the service of others. But what this type doesn’t want you to know is that they do this because they’re afraid, at their core, that it’s the only way they can get others to love them. This type feels inherently unworthy of love and believes that if they stop helping and supporting those around them, nobody would have a good reason to love them back.
Type 3: That aside from their accomplishments, they are not all that impressive.
Type 3s are known for their goal-oriented nature. They are constantly striving to achieve and impress – but the reason they are doing this is because they fear that apart from their accomplishments, they are worthless. Take away their accomplishments and there is nothing to the type 3 as a person – or so they are terrified you’ll discover.
Type 4: That they have to emphasize their differences because who they actually are is not good enough.
Type 4s are known for being complex, intense and unique. But the reason they’ve cultivated such a complex identity is because at their core, they feel as though who they are just doesn’t measure up to other people. This type must be fascinatingly different in order to feel as though they’re worthy of love – because as far as they’re concerned, their true self just isn’t good enough.
Type 5: That they don’t intuitively understand anything how the world around them works.
Type 5s are constantly researching, analyzing and learning about the world around them. And the reason they’re doing this is because they’re afraid, at their core, that they are not capable of intuitively understanding it. This type believes that they’d be genuinely lost without their knowledge base – and so they must build on it at all costs, in order to avoid incompetence.
Type 6: That they feel incapable of providing for themselves.
Type 6s are constantly seeking out mentors and are ceaselessly loyal toward loved ones. But the reason they are so devoted to their relationships is because the 6 type believes, at their core, that they are incapable of providing for themselves. This type relies on their external relationships with others to keep them feeling safe and secure. They secretly believe that if they were left completely alone, they wouldn’t be able to take care of themselves.
Type 7: That they’re constantly searching for external stimulation because they feel empty inside.
The 7 type is known for being wild and adventurous. But the reason they seek so much external stimulation is because this type feels, at their core, that what they are searching for in life can only be found outside of themselves. This type is terrified of being left alone – without new people or new adventures to take part in – because they believe that who they are on their own is not enough to make them happy or to make their lives meaningful and rich.
Type 8: That they’re afraid of the impact other people are capable of having on them.
They 8 type is known for being controlling of the people around them. But the reason this type keeps such a tight leash on their external environments is because they are afraid that if they don’t do so, others are going to take advantage of them. Type 8s are inherently distrustful of others and they harbor a very real belief that if they leave themselves at the mercy of others in absolutely any way, others will harm them irreversibly.
Type 9: That they don’t know who they are apart from others.
The 9 type is known for being highly in tune with the people around them, as well as the spiritual side of life. But the real reason type 9s are so in touch with others is because they fear that other people make up an integral part of themselves – a part that they are terrified to lose. Without the people, belief systems or communities they’re connected to, the 9 type fears that they’d be nothing but an empty vessel. And so they need to keep those relationships nurtured and strong.
Source: thoughtcatalog.com
How to Relate and Support Enneagram Types
Type One
Relating to Ones
- Take their concerns seriously.
- Respect their integrity.
- Be responsible and honor your agreements
- Admit your mistakes
- Recognize that Ones are especially sensitive to criticism
Supporting Ones
- Encourage me to go easy on myself and to take time for myself.
- Provide me with a nonjudgmental viewpoint.
- Remind me that the goal in life is to be human, not to be without fault.
Type Two
Relating to Twos
- Step forward to make contact; offer approval or appreciation when possible.
- Stay constant and provide steadiness, paying attention to their needs.
- Join them in valuing warmth, personal contact and partnership.
- Avoid being critical or not taking them seriously.
- Head off outbursts by addressing their dissatisfaction or resentment.
Supporting Twos
- Appreciate my independent self instead of being seduced by or dependent on the help I give.
- Pay attention to my real needs and ask about them.
- Reinforce me for saying no when appropriate.
- Express appreciation for my giving.
Type Three
Relating to Threes
- Let them know that you care regardless of their accomplishments.
- Encourage them to pay attention to feelings.
- Show and tell them what is really important to you.
- Express your appreciation for what they do.
- Join them in being active, getting results and earning recognition.
Supporting Threes
- Encourage me to pay attention to feelings and relationships.
- Show me you care for me for who I am, not for what I have accomplished.
- Be supportive when I tell you what is really true for me.
- Let me know what is really important to you.
- Remind me to slow down and smell the roses.
Type Four
Relating to Fours
- Appreciate their emotional sensitivity, creativity and idealism.
- Reveal your own feelings and reactions; avoid being overly rational.
- When they are upset, don’t take everything they say too literally since they may be expressing a momentary feeling.
- Return to the present and be positive while acknowledging their experience of what is missing.
- Seek to understand and empathize without necessarily agreeing.
Supporting Fours
- Encourage me to keep my attention on what is positive in the present.
- Honor my feelings and my idealism.
- Reveal your real feelings and true reactions.
- Let me see that you really understand me instead of trying to change me.
Type Five
Relating to Fives
- Respect their need for privacy (understanding this is not rejection).
- Make it safe for them to share themselves, especially their feelings, giving them the space needed to do so.
- Approach them slowly and thoughtfully, and avoid pressuring them for immediate contact or fast decisions.
- Join them in talking about ideas and valuing the inner life.
- Don’t make assumptions about what’s going on with them. Ask them for direct communication.
Supporting Fives
- Respect my need for privacy and space.
- Make clear distinctions between your requests and your demands.
- Provide moderate feedback about your own feelings and concerns.
- Encourage me to be self-disclosing and to express my feelings in the here and now.
- Appreciate my sensitivity.
- Appreciate my ability to life and let live.
Type Six
Relating to Sixes
- Be consistent and trustworthy.
- Disclose your own personal feelings and thoughts.
- Appreciate their attention to problems; agree on rules and procedures.
- Join them in acknowledging what can go wrong before moving ahead.
- Put your cards on the table as much as possible – don’t be ambiguous.
Supporting Sixes
- Be consistent and trustworthy with me.
- Be self-disclosing and encourage me to be self-disclosing.
- Counter my doubts and fears with positive and reassuring alternatives that are realistic.
Type Seven
Relating to Sevens
- Join them in having fun and envisioning new possibilities.
- Appreciate their stories and positive ideas.
- Let them know what you want or need from them.
- Support them to move into painful situations and commitments.
- Listen to their suggestions and avoid insisting on one way of doing things.
Supporting Sevens
- Support me when I slow down and stick with my commitments.
- Let me know what and how important your own needs and wants are.
- Encourage me to deal with pain, fear, and restlessness rather than escaping from these feelings.
- Help me keep things simple and in the present.
Type Eight
Relating to Eights
- Be direct and forthright, yet flexible and open.
- Stay steady and present in the face of confrontation and conflict; hold your ground.
- Call them on destructive or threatening behavior, while being empathetic to their underlying hurt feelings.
- Express your own feelings, including softer, tender ones.
- Join them in getting things moving in work or play.
Supporting Eights
- Stand your ground.
- Stay firm.
- Be forthright.
- Speak your own truth.
- Provide feedback about my impact on you.
- Support me when I reveal softer feelings and vulnerabilities.
Type Nine
Relating to Nines
- Ask them what they want and need, and give them time to discern the answer.
- Avoid coming on too strong, getting impatient or creating pressure.
- If you sense they are reluctant or unsure about something they said “yes” to or agreed to do, let them know that it’s ok to say “no.”
- Encourage them to determine their priorities and support them to take action
- Stay present to them when they are angry.
- Share body-based activities such as walking, exercising, cooking or eating.
Supporting Nines
- Encourage me to express my own position.
- Ask me what I want and what is good for me, and give me time to figure out the answer.
- Support me when I act responsibly toward myself.
- Allow me to acknowledge my anger.
- Encourage me to set and keep my own boundaries, limits, priorities.
“Sexual Fours focus their envy and hypersensitivity in their intimate relationships. They are perhaps the most emotionally intense type of the Enneagram, which is both their gift and their potential downfall. They possess both a capacity and a desire for profound intimacy, and they derive tremendous insight into human nature through the ups and downs of their romantic lives. They have a sultry, sullen quality that can be attractive and mysterious, or at times, off-putting to others. Sexual Fours pour their energy and attention into the object of their affection, often becoming infatuated or even obsessed, sometimes after only one meeting. Sexual chemistry triggers their powerful imaginations, leading them to create enormous expectations of potential partners. Sexual Fours tend to be drawn to people who possess qualities and talents that they believe they lack. They want to complete themselves by associating or merging with the valued other. But this almost never works, so they may also end up envying and resenting their romantic partner for unintentionally reminding them of what they feel they are missing. In any case, Sexual Fours go through tremendous shifts of feeling about their loved ones—everything from idolization to unbridled hatred. Generally speaking, this type is aware of these feelings, including the dark ones, and expresses them, sometimes in self-destructive ways.”
— Don Richard Riso - Discovering Your Personality Type
“Sexual Nines seek a sense of well-being by finding something or someone to merge with. They want to be at one with the world, with beauty, with nature, but especially with a special, ideal lover. That being said, Sexual Nines have many anxieties about losing themselves by submerging their identity in the other. Thus, they can sometimes appear ambivalent and emotionally conflicted, like Fours or Sixes. They sometimes attempt to “solve” the inner conflict between their desire for merging and their desire for independence by “triangulation.” They engage in two separate, simultaneous relationships that serve different needs while never completely showing up in either. Needless to say, this can create the kinds of conflicts that Nines are trying to avoid. The overall affect of Sexual Nines is one of gentleness, ease, and flow, and they seek these qualities in others and in the environment. They also tend to be highly sensual, enjoying tastes, textures, and sensations. Although they resemble Fours in this regard, being ethereal and dreamy, their sensuality is earthy and embodied and they are not as self-aware or self-doubting as Fours. Sexual Nines tend to be more imaginative than the other variants—often with elements of gentle whimsy and heroic fantasy. They see the world in magical terms, investing even ordinary objects with a warm glow. They seem to take in the world with a wide-eyed wonder and have a characteristic childlike aura about them.”
— Don Richard Riso - Discovering Your Personality Type
personalitypie reblogged
coldwait-deactivated20190923
it’s funny how people still use typology as an excuse for them being stupidly clueless about what normal human relationships mean.
personalitypie reblogged
Anonymous asked:
How do sx users come off irl?
To begin, I will need to contrast Sx a bit with Sp and Soc to better grasp how it distincts itself from those two. In real life, instincts are noticeable through how they manage our “energy”, how we unconsciouslcy but stragically use our ressources to assure our survival. Every instinct have their way to spread our ressources toward our environment. Sp is more about conserving and maintening this ressources and use it bit by bit, resulting in giving an effect of “reserve”. It also gives that grounding effect on Sp user and a sense of economy of energy, always giving in a very slow, steady and consistent way their ressources to other, to always conserve a minimum for themselves. It creates the foundation on which they’ll build on about anything in their life. Soc is on the other hand a diffuser of ressources, it spreads ithem. It tries to maximize their use and thus why it makes Soc user more “sociable” and easily approachable in the basic sense of the word, as they need to attract the most relations possible. It is interested in quantity, thus why Soc is focused on building some form of group dynamic, in order to have the maximum of options, possibilities and opprotunities to turn itself onto. And Sx is a canalizer of energy, it focuses its energy on specific aspects. This is why it gives a sense of being picky to Sx users, as they focalise the use and the sharing of their ressources at the expense of some other aspects. Sx is about quality, the strenghtening of specific bonds and relations (even relation of people to a hobby, passion, problem, life purpose, interest, etc.).
Therefore, Sx in general is about a sense focusing and making the most of specific relations. This is why it is mostly related to the concept of intensity, connectivity, intimacy and exclusivity, due to this nature to focus and strenghten the relation with the “object” of interest. Those manifest differently depending if Sx is dominant, auxiliary, contraflow, synflow, the cognitive functions at play and obviously, the ennea core type. So, there are many different ways Sx manifest. Of course, I have no patience to examplify them all, and of course, there are give away cues that help determine if there is Sx or not. But I believe it is important to keep in mind the many typology factors that can play on how Sx can come off to others.
And now, lets move on to the main question. The biggest difference in how Sx will manifest is if it is dominant or auxiliary, since it doesn’t have the same purpose. If auxiliary, the goal is to establish first a setting of exclusivity where the Sx user can focalise all their attention onto, elaborate their ressources/energy and create a mutual shared bond. So, it tends to show off as a way to approach other people, and it revolves finding someone (or something) fitting their specific Sx criteria and then around sharing their interests or what animates their interests and so what captivates their attention, as those are specifics aspects that can help to create a setting exclusive to both individual. Sx will be occupied in creating an intimate setting only understandable by either the two or few people sharing it. It will show that focus and that sense of exclusivity, as by intensity, intimacy and exclusivity, I mean you and the Sx user, and despite everything around you, the energy is shifted only on you, the common interests and all about deepening the bond. This interest could be shown about a hobby too instead of another individual, or a puzzle, a problem, anything that have caught their attention. As an auxiliary though, it also has for goal to test the ground for either SP or SO, so the focus is not maintained as thoroughly or for as long as Dom Sx would nor keep the same intimidating intensity. In some way, it is still intense but less pressuring than Dom Sx might feel for other people especially. It is more delicate, still very sincere and create a form of intimacy that is not pressuring and neither ever ending. It is balanced contrary to how SX dom can be felt. Thus, Aux Sx will eventually shift to leave place for the dominant SP or SO, and this shift will also most likely be seen or felt and affect how Sx comes off.
For SP/sx, those conversation or very intimate moment will be replaced by a sudden distance. So the intimacy and simple connecitvity will suddenly shift for more platonic but resistant connectivity. At first, it might look like being cold shouldered since SP makes the SP/sx retreat suddenly or make them more reserved afterward as a way to economize their energy and to see if their new interest is consistent or still safe to be maintained or can provide more than just that curiosity or desire (more concerning new relationships than with a hobbies tho). So, SP/sx will be distant, more platonic but somehow consistent in their back and forth and will always offer a piece of those shared Sx interests as a way to maintain the relation. But since SP is dominant, it will give Sx in small doses. In this case it gives Sx some warmth in contrast to SP which cool things off, but it also lessen the intensity and exclusivity effect of Sx, as SP dom is focused on saving their ressources and energies, and so always refraining Sx in some way.
For SO/sx, the intimacy is replaced usually by a group setting or some form of literal social gathering, if you are a new person in the SO/sx’s life. If it is a new interest, passion, hobby the SO/sx has discorvered, be sure all the people they care for in their social circle will know about it; or at least, every person they know have this same Sx interest of course, as SO have for goal to spread that novel Sx. It usually have for larger goal to see if their new interest (be it a person or hobby) can fit in their vast network and also as an end to strenghten the links of their networks. Therefore, again, the intimacy and exclusivity effect is lessen due to the nature of SO dom. It still creates intimacy, exclusivity, etc. of course, but this why Sx is more tempered and shared at lesser degree as SO dom shares it at large, lessening the “exclusivity”, but also making that focus more tolerable as it is not as intensely concentrated on one individual.
Also, in both case, Aux Sx acts as a sort of reminder that you have something exclusive shared with either the SP/sx or SO/sx. But the main goal of Sx aux is to select something or someone that could be interesting for their main dominant instinct. It acts as a “weed out” instinct and also as a way to strenghten or maintain the “life” or intimacy of the relations the Sx aux has.
So, concretely, Sx aux comes off as an invitation and then you are drawn on a whole new level of interaction. It comes off as a lure of some sort at first. Always very apetizing but always there for another purpose. Of course, it is never done with ill intention unless you have fallen on an unhealthy SP/sx or SO/sx, Aux Sx feels very lightly, enjoyable and is surely very sincere. Sx is after all very selective and select out of interest and “vibes”, not solely to see if you can be “used” for pure selfish purposes. It selects throught who and what can be “compatible” and so worth being “investigated” and invested. But it is a lure in the sense it tests if you are a threat to their dominant instinct or not, auxiliary instinct are some sort of weed out function after all. If you show no “compatibility” within their focused interests, they won’t even bother. And ultimately, its effects are tempered by the dominant instinct, which gives the more balanced aspect of Sx aux.
Dom Sx is almost obsessive in comparison to Aux Sx. The intensity can be intimidating to a non Sx dom, from what I have observed. It is demanding compared to Aux Sx, since it is dominant, it asks always to be perpetually fed. It always ask for more exclusivity, energy, depth, focus and intensity literally. It always digs further and further to create always the most exclusive and intimate setting possible. Because SX dom’s goal is to perpetually maintain that focus or to have something to focus and canalize its energy onto. Thus why it is a never ending demand of exclusvity, connectivity and privileged relationship. However, you won’t “taste” that ever demanding sense of connectivity and belonging until you go through the auxiliary Sp or So. So, at first, it is hardly possible to determine if you face an Sx dom, unless you are good at visual typing. But usually, you can sense the intensity or focused desire behind the presented Aux Sp or Aux So.
SX/sp will usually place a distance or a game of come and go at first, seeing and testing if either the person or new hobby, passion, object of interest, etc. can offer the intimacy and/or connectivity they want. So, at first they might speak of very platonic or basic things, like what they have eaten at dinner, what they plan to do when they come back at home, complain about a coworker, maybe mention a hobby without any extrapolation to test if there might be a mutual interest, but very basic and platonic stuff. The first goal is to economize themselves to look forward an opportunity for their Sx and then focus all their energy there. Though, as an SX/sp myself (until proven otherwise), even in the very platonic I tend to let out some peaks of things I like or really dislike to see if the opportunity I seek will present itself. Like if I talk about a coworker I have problems with, I speak of the traits I dislike, and I do so usually if I am alone with a coworker I already know and trust a minimum of course. I let my guard down if I feel reciprocation, but mostly if I feel there is connectivity possible. It is hard to describe, it is a sense of knowing this person and I will understand each other, that we are on the same wavelength. When the Aux Sp falls though, which can take a long time tbh due to Sp’s nature, the SX just pops up very abruptedly and it feels like being engulfed in a very passionate discourse of whatever you have triggered in them. All the energy is released at once and also all focused either onto you or the novel interest that have captivated them. It will be extremely focused and lazer-like, since Sp is already about selecting and setting trust, confidence and/or safety before letting SX out, and it won’t let it out until that setting is set, thus why the energy is hyper focused compared to SX/so where the SX energy is always more diffused and shared due to So aux. You will know you have reached SX when they will try to maintain for the longest possible the mutual sharing and will share quite openly and passionatly about those shared interests (be it hobbies or their life philopsophies). And they will share those almost only with you or other very closed one. If it is a new discovered interest, they will be engulfed in that interest for a while and you won’t see them until they will have poured out all the juice they could from that new interest. And then, be prepared to have a very passionate discourse about that new interest if you happen to be close to them and share that interest in the slightest.
SX/so on the other hand are usually very open individual contrary to how SX/sp comes off. However, the SX is still not given out so easily. They use So as a way to discover as many “SX potentials” as possible, if I may say, since So aux’s goal is to create quantity to better find the quality they seek. Be it to know from a friend of a friend X girl or boy have the same interest as them, or have X, Y and Z quality they search. Or that X person knows someone who can offer them an easy access to an exclusive whatever thing about a hobby or passion they have. They are at first volatile, opportunist and knows how to slip here and there in a conversation to get to what can offer them their SX. And it is done with ease. So, they first look like volatile people, more concerned about what can be offered to them, then very concerned about what is going on around them. Even introverted SX/so are very “agile” to get to their main concern; SX. They can politely enter a conversation just so they can have the information they unconsciouly seek and just slip to the next to get to another person that interested them more. And then, when SX arrives, the very formal and social person shift to a very focused, interested and captivated person either observing you or getting completely absorbed in their hobby, passion, etc. Same intensity, same obsessivity, same hyper focus and constant digging for more depth and intimacy than with SX/sp. Their way of getting to that point is just simply different, but the result is the same. They are very intense and are said to show the most pure form of SX because due to So they are less likely to “hide” and keep for themselves their interest and more into showing and sharing to their cared “networks” that new interest. Therefore, the intensity is seen and shared to many, but nonetheless focused and intense, and still able to set intimacy but to a larger “audience” (more likely to have small but very close gangs to which they confide).
So, concretely, SX dom comes with a veil on their SX and then you get totally absorbed in a wave of energy and desire for always more depth and intimacy between you or the hobby, passion, etc. and the SX dom. It is like sucking out (or being sucked out…) all the juice a fruit could offer and hoping to find one that will refill on itself or in part thanks to the shared link with the the SX dom forever and after.
But it can feel very demanding if you are not an SX dom and an SX dom have developed an interest for you, as they will want to get from you the most they can, while you have another priority. Of course, depending of their core, fix and cognitive function, if they see it bugs you, they’ll stop, but know that when an SX dom get captivated, it is hard on them to step away from that interest. In the end, Sx is an instinct that have for goal to focus and strenghten the relation between them and the focused interests; either be it people, passions, hobbies, etc. Sx is all about the notion of energy and how much that energy is concentrated on the goal of creating an exclusive relation between the Sx user and the object of interest. When you get used to the three instincts, the distinction will come up clearer and easier since the contrast will show better between them.
Before ending my response, I would like to address what I conceive by hobbies, passions, interests, etc. since I used very loosely those words in the previous paragraphs. Those are all fundamentally very human, they are not what makes someone an Sx user or not. Sx blinds do totally have passions, interests, etc. or can be interested in someone, and appreciate those wholeheartedly. It is the way how those hobbies, passions or interests are explored, invested and used that tell if we face an Sx user or an Sx blind. It is all about how the energy is used and put into those. Like I said, SX dom is all about a focused energy, or simply the intensity of energy that is put into those, and create a very intimate setting toward their interests, in the sense it is accessible to few people to none depending if they are SX/sp or SX/so. It is a constant quest of seeking something they can latch onto and canalise what they have, which can become obsessive, and therefore they’ll go all into those interests. They will explore in depth or at large (depending if High Pe or High Pi) those interests and put a vast amount of time into those interests. Sx Aux are more balanced in their way of channeling this Sx intensity and creation of connectivity, it manifests as a first contact and some sort of “strenghtener” of their relations. Therefore, their hobbies and interests are used as a first contact but are still shared selectively, according to Sx’s sense of exclusivity itself and their dominant instinct. They will explore in depth and/or at large but with much more temper than Sx dom their interests and give a good amount of time to each of those interests.
Sx blind on the other hand don’t possess that same sense of “exclusivity” or “intimacy”. Yes, Sp is selective, and the most by far, and can create intimacy in the basic sense of the word, but it is not “intense” nor have the sense of connectivity Sx users have. It selects out of safety and necessity, those concepts themselves defined by So too. Their way of addressing their hobbies and passions is not met with the same sense of intensity nor “obsessivity”, nor is it kept to some few select people. It is used as a diffuser, shared either at large as a way to spread So (like simply as a subject of conversation, blatantly like any kind of subject) or kept very privately without anybody ever knowing a single word about it, since it is either what helps them conserve their ressources or energy and simply because they never saw the point in sharing these hobbies. As contrary to Sx, it doesn’t help them connect in the way they want. When they talk about it, they might tell they enjoy it, be happy about it, extrapolate for a decent amount of time, but it will be done very casually compared to an Sx user where it is like a way to create an “exclusive” bubble. And it will be done for Sp or So purposes as well, so not to be exclusive but to create safety, stability or to ensure a role, place or maintain a branch of their “network”. There is a sense of casuality, of normality when they share about those, it is done platonically. Because Sx blinds do not aim to create that exclusive setting, nor that sort of “intimacy” where nobody but them or a few can “truly understand” or feel “connected” in an exclusive way. And I do insist, they do not aim on themselves to create exclusivity or intimacy, but it doesn’t mean they cannot create something exclusive or intimate or cannot be intense, but they won’t see the point nor even notice that setting as they don’t care. Blindness means they simply do not see it and therefore do not seek it, but it doesn’t mean they cannot create it or be part of it. Soc also has its own sense of exclusivity, but it is different by far from Sx and is sometimes born from Sx overfocus more than from Soc’s healthy nature itself.
I hope thise could answer your question. I am not the best at describing how it comes off concretely tbh. Only the impression remains from my observations. Be aware of the focus (how absorbed they are) and intensity put onto the person or hobby (passion, etc. bla bla) to determine if any Sx is at play. If you have any other questions or want clarifications about this one, don’t hesitate to ask.
personalitypie reblogged
Anonymous asked:
I just read your response on how to id sx users and wanted to clarify one thing. you claimed that sx doms extend their aux variant first to people, and thus would not obviously stand out as their dom instinct at that time (your words: "you won't 'taste' that ever demanding sense of connectivity and belonging until you go through the auxiliary Sp or So...Sx dom comes with a veil on their SX"). so, do you think it would typical to mistype a sxso as any other soc variant? yes or no?
Well, any mistyping is possible, but I wouldn’t say they necessarily come off more as Soc variants, so no. SX/so are more likely to be mistyped for SO/sx or SX/sp if you don’t know much the SX/so or are not that experienced yet with IVs. Any dom will show through their Aux and be noticeable despite not knowing much the other person, so I’d say that kind of mistype would be mostly due to inexperience or a misunderstanding of IVs, because each instinct is pretty distinct; the Aux So of SX/so and SP/so are not the same.
Let’s say I have a hard time to imagine someone mistyping an SX/so for an SP/so or even SO/sp. Yes, the Aux puts some form of “facade” or “test” on the first glance before letting the dominant fully out, but to begin with, the Aux is first and foremost dictated by the Dom. Therefore the Dom always taints and shows througout the Aux. Aux So doesn’t look like SO dom nor even look the same if SX/so vs SP/so.
Let me examplify what I mean by that; let’s take SX/so again… The So of SX/so seeks people or any interests at large as a way to find more easily someone or something they can canalize and focus their energy onto. It helps SX to better spot what and who possess the traits and qualities that allow connectivity, and so that are worth investing their ressources with. So, yes it diffuses and exposes at a large audience, but contrary to SO doms, it doesn’t seek to aliment the quantity, but rather the quality. Therefore their goal is to reduce the quantity to what and who they can have or create connectivity with, to what and who they can focus their energy onto and establish an intimate, shared and “connected” setting. Contrary to SO doms who seeks to aliment the quantity, to keep it the largest they can; either by going and focusing onto relationships they have the greatest connectivity and intimacy with (aux Sx) or through maintening the basic and necessary relationships that allow to keep a stable and large network (so that create “Soc opportunities”) (aux Sp). And this way SX/so have to network with So will show and be noticeable in their approach; in fact that’s why they are described as contraflow.
I can illustrate SX/so as the kind of people tending their arms to everyone at first, like sharing a bit of themselves to everyone, but then suddenly making their way through all that festive gathering while ignoring tons of those relations to slip away with one or two particular people and overly priviledge those ones at the expense of everyone else. It is the perfect plan to create conflict lmao, thus the contraflow. But for them, since they already give a bit of themselves to everyone, they don’t see why it offenses some as “everyone has their part”. In the end, the SX is still present and impregnate a focus within that “diffusion” Soc created. In fact, SX/so’s soc feels particularly intense compared to SP/so’s soc, as SX keeps “aiming” and focusing from behind while keeping moving the SX/so to very specific group or to a specific person or interest within the focused group.
By contrast, Soc from SP/so is more equal in its distrubution of energy, as it has for goal to gather an audience so SP can perpetually refill its ressources and maintain more easily the necessary (the necessary including Soc’s relationships). Since SP doms rather maintains the energy instead of focusing it on a selected few, it therefore does not make any favorite, creating the harmonious synflow effect they are known for. SP dom creates a distance so it can assure to provide perpetually in equal and consistent measure the many relations it encounters, so those connections can in return allow them to ressource themselves. Therefore, Aux Soc here also diffuses “a bit of the SP/so” to everyone else, but SP permits to keep a constant and stable sharing of ressources. It allows the SP/so to always keep a safe distance while maintening a consistency in its sharing to others, while on the other hand SX/so needs to select at some point to whom and what they want to focus and give their ressources to, as they don’t have that aspect of conserving and maintening their own ressources. They need to focus on few so they can, from those few relations, renew their own ressources*.
*Note on SX/so: Thus why it is important for SX/so to select particular people with specific criterias, because if they don’t meet those criterias it won’t fulfill them as it won’t provide the exclusivity (or exclusive ressources) they need, why they can also crash horribly if they aren’t themselves that balanced or healthy people (and fall into SP overfocus also, since their choice were also unhealthy and so they are forced to conserve the little ressources they have) and why it creates a self-centered effect as they depend on those intimate bonds to survive and either latch (obsessively) on those but also can’t refrain from finding “more” (through So) to always be sure to be provided in some way. Since they don’t aim on the maintenance of energy, they perpetually diffuse to gather the largest network of potential providers possible. Though, note it doesn’t make them naturally over dependent on other people, just that they are heavily influenced by their social environment. Lastly, when they are healthy, they are usually able to find appropriate SX and also Soc connections, so that volatile tendency lessens and they are very dedicated to those bonds (SX and Soc ones).
So, anyway. I hope it answered your question. If not, don’t hesitate to reformulate or ask for clarifications x)
personalitypie reblogged
Enneagram and Communication Styles
ENNEATYPE 1
Image Statement: I am right; I am good; I know best; I want perfection. One’s want to communicate to the world that they have it together, and are competent, right, and good moral people even though internally they may feel the opposite.
Energy: Rigid, upright, stiff, contained, solid, stoic, elegant, polished, assured.
Communication Style: Proselytizing, teaching, preaching, informing, telling, educating and elevating.
Conflict Style: Faultfinding, nitpicking, condescending, poker-faced, unemotional (or explosive if pushed too far), moralizing, admonishing. One’s are triggered by being told they are wrong and will go on the offensive if their character is attacked. They may become moralizing or scolding. Some One’s may retreat for fear of emotional display or may seem cold and distant.
Conflict Resolution Tips with Type 1: Do not tell them they are wrong, but rather find a way you can validate their opinion while holding your ground. Try to avoid the words wrong, incorrect, or bad all together while in an argument lest you escalate it. Help them see the ways in which they are being angry or hurtful (in a gentle way, as 1s have a fear of their own anger).
ENNEATYPE 2
Image Statement: I am helpful; I am nice; I am giving; My will be done; I have what you need. Two’s want to be seen as helpful and kind people because this supports their self image. Two’s will present themselves as someone who has whatever you need whether it is resources or attention.
Energy: Soft on the outside, hard on the inside, seductive, sticky, clingy, flirtatious, nurturing/motherly.
Communication Style: Effusive, relational, heartfelt, emotional, helpful, complimentary and managerial.
Conflict Style: Dramatic, wet, emotionally explosive, entitled, sulking, martyring, or blustery anger. Two’s are triggered by the message that they are not kind or helpful or by the implication that their efforts to help are not well received.
Conflict Resolution Tips with Type 2: Assure the 2 that you appreciate their efforts and that they are not in vain but remind them that they choose to do whatever it is they are doing. Remind the 2 that you want them to take care of themselves because typically their anger stems from the misdirected feeling of having to care for others. Acknowledge their emotional displays but do not pay too much attention to their histrionics.
ENNEATYPE 3
Image Statement: I am successful; I am a winner, I am impressive, I go for the goal. Three’s want to be seen as someone who is successful and attractive. They will present themselves as popular and accomplished even if internally they feel lacking.
Energy: Tough exterior, hollow, steely, energetic, high powered, glossy, chameleon like.
Communication Style: Expedient, professional, polished, peacocking, bragging, smooth, trendy, competent or mentoring.
Conflict Style: Evasive, arrogant, superior, dismissive, sly, undermining, narcissistic and condescending. Threes are triggered when they feel undervalued or dismissed. They may become angry when their success and driveness are misunderstood or undermined.
Conflict Resolution Tips with Type 3: Try to set aside a predetermined amount of time to discuss problems. Don’t allow them to smooth things over with promises or apologies if they don’t understand the situation. If in an interpersonal relationship with them try to appreciate the hard work they put in but emphasis the important of relationships. Help them feel comfortable with expressing feelings rather than “just the facts” as this is a method they utilize to prevent feeling too much.
ENNEATYPE 4
Image Statement: I am intuitive; I am deep; I am creative; I am different; I am correct. Fours want to be seen as special and creative and will exaggerate their differences to cover over feelings of being ordinary or mundane.
Energy: Fluid, flowing, poised, sensitive, intense, emotionally charged, melancholy.
Communication Style: Breathy, lamenting, metaphorical, haughty, symbolic, specializing, discriminating.
Conflict Style: Haughty, condescending, emotionally explosive, detached or cold, hatefully articulate. Fours are triggered when they feel misunderstood or the sense anger or abandonment from the other person. Fours can become pointedly articulate and hateful when provoked.
Conflict Resolution Tips with Type 4: Don’t try to have a completely rational discussion devoid of emotional content, it won’t engage them. Try to recognize their intuitive insight while still maintaining your own personal truth (4s like to tell other people what they are feeling, and they are usually onto something). Don’t let their histrionics or emotional outbursts drive you away. Take a time out if necessary so that emotions can calm down. Let them know if you’ve been hurt too and that your feelings are just as important as theirs.
ENNEATYPE 5
Image Statement: I am knowledgeable; I need more time; I am intelligent; I think; I am different. Fives want to be seen as intelligent, rational and idiosyncratic. They may cultivate intelligence to cover over feelings of insecurity.
Energy: Prickly, detached, disembodied, contained, cerebral, removed and remote.
Communication Style: Technical, knowledgeable, unemotional, detached, high strung, know it all, idiosyncratic.
Conflict Style: Detached, cold, cutting, dispassionate, childlike, passive aggressive, arrogant, overly logical. Fives are triggered by the presence of expectations (particularly emotional expectations) and emotional displays. Fives may become distant or blisteringly angry when faced with an emotional expectation.
Conflict Resolution Tips with Type 5: Try to maintain some emotional stability while arguing. 5s like to keep to the facts of a situation and will detach when emotions get too heated. Walk away from the argument if you are to emotional as you will be unlikely to get a response. Tell them that your feelings are hurt without expecting them to do something about it (they become angry when there are emotional expectations). Don’t let them use knowledge or arrogance as a weapon and remind them you are a person not a robot or computer.
ENNEATYPE 6
Image Statement: I am clever; I must be safe; I am loyal; I am harmless; I am “real”. Sixes want to be seen as responsible, clever and loyal. They may cover feelings of insecurity with ingratiating niceness or sweetness or rebellious provocativeness.
Energy: Mentally active, hyper-vigilant, anxious, contained, suspicious, penetrating, punchy and high strung.
Communication Style: Tentative, funny, friendly, warm (or prickly), engaging, rebellious, provocative.
Conflict Style: Vacillating, blaming, victimizing, distrusting, cross-examining, quick and relentless. Sixes are triggered by feeling mistrustful or feeling blamed. They may become terrier-like and questioning when feelings of insecurity or abandonment are brought up.
Conflict Resolution Tips with Type 6: Admit any ulterior motives. Try to stay calm but don’t dismiss them, Find common ground and allay their fears of abandonment or anger. Do not get lost in their arguing circle, if it feels like a marathon walk away. Hold your opinion but don’t be stubborn about seeing their point of view. Do not insult their intelligence or flatter or appease them. Don’t try to win, this will only escalate the argument. Don’t tell a 6 to calm down.
ENNEATYPE 7
Image Statement: I am free; I am exciting; I am entertaining; I want it all; I am positive. Sevens want to be seen as interesting, entertaining and fun. They may cover over feelings of inferiority or fear of boredom with big plans and interesting stories.
Energy: Amped up, restless, airy and light, quick, spritely, mischievous, fast.
Communication Style: High energy, fun loving, entertaining, storytelling, enthusiastic, evasive, exaggerating.
Conflict Style: Fleeing, disinterested, condescending, arrogant, unaffected, mocking, explosive tantrums. Sevens are triggered by feeling trapped or limited and may try to flee the conflict or may react explosively to break free of negativity.
Conflict Resolution Tips with Type 7: Try to allow them their space but hold them to a time when the conflict can be resolved, 7s will flee at difficulty and let them know how this affects your relationship. If they try to leave ask them to set aside time for you to discuss it (5s like this too). Don’t harp too much on what they are doing wrong or they’ll shut down. Don’t sugar coat things but try to reframe things so they can take in the information without feeling too threatened.
ENNEATYPE 8
Image Statement: I am strong; I am a survivor, I am in charge; I protect. Eights see themselves as strong and in charge. They want others to recognize their strength and to the extent they feel vulnerable they will project more power.
Energy: Strong, solid, powerful, intimidating, big, overpowering, irreverent, laconic.
Communication Style: Bold, direct, unemotional, matter of fact, brash, impactful, empowering, offensive or limit pushing.
Conflict Style: Blustery, domineering, violent, unemotional, dismissive, uncaring, rageful, vengeful. Eights are triggered by feeling controlled or dominated or by feelings of abandonment or disloyalty. Eights may become domineering, aggressive or incredibly cold when triggered.
Conflict Resolution Tips with Type 8: Stand your ground and do not waiver in your opinion. They want someone who can hold their own against them. 8s will spar with people they love to test their strength. Try and set ground rules in an argument with an 8 and don’t be afraid to let them know if they hurt your feelings (this often surprises them). Try not to react to their intimidation tactics but don’t egg them on either.
ENNEATYPE 9
Image Statement: I am peaceful; I am calm; I am easy; I am drama free; I am uncomplicated. Nines want to be seen as easygoing and peaceful and may deny problems or negative emotions to cover over secret feelings of anxiety or anger.
Energy: Peaceful, grounded yet spacey, detached, open, sleepy, slow, vacant, doormat.
Communication Style: Peacemaking, agreeable, complacent, stubborn, saga-telling, passive (aggressive), noncommittal, receptive.
Conflict Style: Passive aggressive, stubborn, pacifying, occasionally explosive, sleepy, unaffected, clueless. Nines are triggered by feeling internal chaos or being unable to escape negative feelings or emotions. They may go to sleep to the problem or suddenly become angry and belligerent like Eights or scolding like Ones only to calm down soon after.
Conflict Resolution Tips with Type 9: : Don’t attack aggressively or take a blaming tone, they will tune you out. Try to acknowledge that they want to find a point of agreement between the two of you. 9s will be afraid of your anger and may become stubborn or withdraw when you begin to show your anger. Assure them that your anger doesn’t mean that you don’t like/love them anymore (unless of course you don’t) but that it’s important to resolve this issue.
Source: insightfulinnovations.com