yikies kids

​i wish this was in my cart and not someone else’s

you can just take it from their cart. its not their possession if they haven't bought it yet

if i were thrift shopping and you put your hands into my cart to take a unique handpicked item i was intending to purchase i would break your legs

Had a dream where mini golf was added to the Olympics. And one of the Olympic mini golf athletes lost the gold because she hit the windmill.

And she tweets with a picture of the windmill and the caption “bout to go through my Don Quixote phase” and honestly I think that’s the funniest thing my brain has ever come up with.

Yo mistah white I'm gettin' Booped over here

tumblr just gave everyone a cardboard tube and said go wild

as a child being told "the moon controls the tides" with no additional explanation was like. oh okay. you want me to believe in magic? you're talking about magic right now? okay. fine

sorry. only semi-related but i simply wasn't ready for "the sun is a distant gorilla". thank you NASA

for april fools we’re deleting this entire site sayonara you weeaboo shits

stardew valley flora 🌻

i've been wanting to try one of these botanical posters in my style, and the 1.6 update was the perfect excuse✨

you BOOP miette? you BOOP her head with you paws? oh! oh! love for mutual! love for mutual for One Thousand Years!!!!

wish i had a bit going where whenever i said "the prophecy" like three of my friends would repeat "the prophecy" in different tones while squinting into the distance and rubbing their chins like sages deep in thought. i would also do this for them, im a team player

okay, so, be me, 27 years old at the time, an adult by any definition in the world

be me at the los angeles zoo, one of my very favorite places in the world, because i love animals. i am immedietly 8 years old when presented with a little creature. i can’t help it. 

okay, wait, go back. we must establish two things for this to hit right

first: 

the year before, i’d gone to the san diego zoo with my aunt and grandma and! they let you feed giraffes there!! 

how wonderful a world and how wonderful a life, where for $10 I can hand feed a giant creature three crispy biscuits. i go “i am feeding the giraffes right now” and go in line to buy the biscuits and return moments later triumphant, 3 biscuits in my grasp

“oh good!” my grandmother says, “one for each of us!” 

“yes,” i say, despondent, “one for each of us.” 

i wanted to feed all three to the giraffes myself but since i am an actual adult and not a child i do not say this and share the biscuits 

second: 

my friend group echoes. a lot

someone tells a story and ends it with “and that’s what happened!” and the rest of us will repeat “and that’s what happened!” 

often in unison. and it’s constant, all the time, even to little stuff. often said in the tone of “they don’t even have dental” 

ok, so we’re back at the los angeles zoo. they have opened the giraffe feeding 

i am not going to be thwarted again 

my two friends (K and M) get in line to feed them and i go to buy the biscuits. i return with nine biscuits because i am going to give the giraffes three biscuits myself and i do not want to hear a word of protest. i am being fair. i am being equitable. i am sharing. no one can judge me 

“wow!” says K. “that’s a lot of biscuits!” 

“the cult provides,” i say generously, handing over their share, because what is a friend group if not a small cult 

and then, automatically, in unison, like they have so many times before and thinking nothing of what exactly they’re saying, M and K reply, “the cult provides” 

two different people in line turn to stare at us while we all blink at each other and then M nervously shouts, “we are definitely not in a cult!” which sounds like something someone who is in a cult might say 

and ever since it’s been a running bit where one person says “the cult ____” and everyone echoes it as seriously as possible, no matter where we are or who we’re around

which is to say, OP, that you could be living the dream if your friends weren’t cowards 

hey why did the dead by daylight devs give the xenomorph queen so much ass

Hold on I gotta look something up

hold on i also gotta look something up

for reference this is the original xenomilf

and this is the Dead by Daylight version

kinda going through it rn