which is definitely not an omen

This is where Brexit Britain has gotten us. Can't even have a proper apocalypse now.

what if i just rest my eyes for a second

what if i just check out whats going on under this cozy blankie for like a minute. two minute

oh no

I had to find this post. I read this in 2017 and it had a profound effect on me. I couldn’t stop saying it. It was echolalia. And now to this day, for seven years, I can still quote it perfectly Word for Word and often do when I do something stupid. This is the perfect post in my opinion 

moonrise; catalina island, california

instagram - twitter - website

"The highly anticipated Criterion Collection release of 'Goncharov' has cinephiles buzzing. Directed by the legendary Scorsese, this cinematic gem is a must-have for collectors, offering stunning visuals and insightful commentary. Available now on DVD and Blu-ray."

hey everyone its april fools. but dont worry i dont have anything planned. just going to sit here and...

I LIED !!!! GET PRANKED

POST BELOW ME GET FUCKING WET

Hi guys i'm so glad no one's doing april fAAAAAAAHHH AHHHHHH AAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! WHO DID THSI

oh this orange is going to be so fucking dry and juiceless

you seeing this shit my liege???

peeled off one of the sections and i was like that’s what bad pussy sounds like

get her ass

That’s a yellow

you ever feel like you were born with something rotten inside you and if people get close enough they’re gonna find out

I wore a red checkered shirt today and my coworkers are roasting me RELENTLESSLY for it

"which picnic table did you pick that up from?"

"you're making me crave some french fries"

"woahh is that like. A chip truck uniform."

"you're transporting me to an italian restaurant..."

The shirt in question btw:

[image id: selfie of op that cuts out their face and below their waist. They are wearing a large oversized checkered red and white collared mens shirt with short sleeves. End id.]

a collection of my favourites so far :}

[image IDs:

a reply from subspace skater that reads: "bro stop squirming your making all the chess pieces fall off."

a reply from soapoey that reads: "if I was an ant i would crawl.on you. Btw. <3"

tags from thesnacken that reads: "op ready at ALL times to help out at a food truck or perhaps the bowling alley."

tags from samathekittycat that read: "a hand towel i would find in my grandma's kitchen."

reblog from mugenfinder that reads: "is this you?" followed by an image of wrap wrapped in checkered red and white sandwich paper next to a bowl of salsa.

tags from pudd0x that read: "This looks wrong it should be laminated. sorry."

tags from synthwizardromance that read: "you could play chess on that beast."

End ID.]

#get roasted one way or another you funky sandwich

Oh damn happy 10k to my shirt! My coworkers still make fun of me and i still look awesome in it 😎

people who only use conventional social media are so funny bc they’ll casually be like “can I see your tumblr??” are you Insane. this is no instagram or twitter. this is my vault of secrets

"Oh can I see what stuff you see on Tumblr?"

one of the most challenging skills i've had to learn as an adult is the art of figuring out whether i'm proportionally annoyed with someone or just tired and overstimulated and looking for reasons to be pissed off

Reblog In 5 seconds for good luck

​this worked last night lets go for round two

I really need some good luck rn

I’m not sure whether I want the $100 or the baby goat; I guess I will leave it up to fate.

i dont care what i get. luck is luck mates

i think it's fucked up that there are plants that decided they wanted to eat meat

a plant's job is literally to just exist but the venus flytrap chose violence

what if i gently laid an uncooked steak on the soil for it to absorb

my tree biology teacher fed her calcium-deficient tree a whole-ass bbq rib bone - she stuck it in the ground near the base of the tree (after eating the meat off of it), and when she came back to collect it to show the tree biology class it was GONE

the tree had grown a root up through the center of it & out through the sides

also there’s an old story about a man who was buried beneath a tree, and when they went to exhume the body it had been completely absorbed by the tree’s roots- you could see the shape of the body in the way the roots grew, splitting up for clearly defined arms and legs. trees will absolutely eat a steak if you bury it & they need the nutrients.

that’s horrifying! thank you

I mean yeah? Bone meal and blood meal are common fertilizers for plants.

And plants' roots actively forage, seeking out the areas of the most nutrients as they grow, so it makes sense

"What are corpses on the ground but uncooked steaks for some tree" is my new favorite quote