it hurts to become

listening to sad music bashing my own head in choking myself out

you know it’s bad when you have to put on relaxing ocean sounds, your eye mask, turn all the lights out, blanket over your head, full body grounding techniques, and counting sheep

intimacy so tasty and yummy mmmmm

trying not to throw up at the fact that pete wentz seemingly wasn’t at andy hurley’s wedding

i would give anything to have my grandmother back. i would give anything for her to see me now, just for one day. i would give anything to talk to her one more time.

she doesn’t know i got out. she doesn’t know i became what i know she saw in me.

she doesn’t know one of my happiest memories is going to the library with her and picking out a goosebumps book and reading it all in one sitting.

i feel such grief…next year it will be 10 years without her and it’s fucking unfair. she doesn’t know who i became in 10 years.