closed starter for @despairsuccessor

1. “I’ll do whatever you want” “Then perish”
2. “My boy, this peace is what all true warriors strive for!”
3. “What you gonna do? You gonna shoot me?! Better make it count! better kill me in one shot!”
4. “If god had wanted you to live he would not have created me”
5. “I am the monument to all your sins”
6. “Will you fight? Or will you perish like a dog?”
7. “You know I had to do it to em”
8. “My city now”
9. “I’d die for you” “you will…”
10. “I won’t hesitate, bitch!”
11. “If it were not for the law of this land, I would have slaughtered you!”
12. “You are not immune to propaganda”
13. “Well, there is no god here today. Just me”
14. “I beg to differ” “then beg”
15. “What the hell is that?!” “You know what this is, bitch”
16. “Trust me, given the legal opportunity, I will kill you”
17. “Don’t ever talk to me or my son ever again”
18. “What the hell are you doing? Are you out of your fucking mind?!”
19. “You better scramble like an egg, before you get folded like an omelette”
20. “Mom says it’s my turn on the XBox”
21. “You put that thing back where it came from or so help me!”
22. “Now I am become death, destroyer of worlds”
23. “Why don’t you just kill me?” “Your punishment must be more severe”
24. “I can’t drown my demons, they know how to swim”
25. “I will face god and walk backwards into hell”
26. “Surprise, bitch. Bet you thought you’d seen the last of me”
27. “You Fool! This isnt even my final form! Wait until you see my true power!”
28. “Do not cry brother. Our time shall come soon enough. For they know nothing of our god…”
29. “Every day we stray further from gods light…”
30. “Hey peebrain, you teleport?”
31. “You may spank it, Once”
32. “Take it easy, dude. But take it”
33. “Pathetic…”
34. “Don’t believe his lies”
35. “Even now, the evil seed of what you have done germinates within you”
36. “I speak for the trees, and the trees say shut the fuck up”
37. “We have nothing to lose but our chains”
38. “It’s my sleepover and I get to choose the movie!”
39. “Well I’ll tell ya what, you can give up now, or you can dig it out, because I certainly can’t do it without you, and I know you can’t do it without me!”
40. “You are already dead”
41. “Then what’s there to stop me from becoming a god?”
42. “I’d sell you to Satan for a single corn chip”
43. “It’s over! I have the higher ground!” “You underestimate my power…”
44. “Where’s your god now?”
45. “If I were not a holy woman, I’d beat you senseless”
46. “From hells heart, I stab at thee!”
47. “Every second you’re not running, I’m only getting closer”
48. “What is a god…to a cowboy?”
49. “I see now the circumstances of ones birth are irrelevant, it it’s what we do with the gift of life that defines who we are”
50. “It’s not over… it’s never over…”

• “Your smile is breathtaking”
• “Oh my gosh, you look beautiful”
• “Truly stunning”
• “Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare you just look ravishing”
• “Now how is the cutest person in the room doing?”
• “You smell nice”
• “Your heart is far too big for your body”
• “You care and that’s what makes you such a wonderful person”
• “You’re the greatest friend EVER”
• “Your hair is so soft and shiny”
• “You have the cutest laugh. I wish I heard it more often”  
• “Your skin is flawless, HOW?”
• “Someone is going to be very lucky to have you”
• “You have a perfect body it’s not fair”
• “Send over some of that perfection this way, I’m in desperate need of it”
• “You’re an amazing artist. How do you draw like that?”
• “Mmm,  your cooking is amazing”
• “You have this way of making me smile even when I’m sad”
• “You’re too adorable, I’m claiming you. You’re mine”
• “Even the way you fall on your face is cute. Need help up?”
• “You have the prettiest eyes”
• “Everyone loves you, how could they not?”
• “Your cheeks are so cute, can I pinch them PLEASE?”
• “With how amazing you are I might fall for you. Watch out”
• “I love your freckles”
• “Once everyone figures out how wonderful you are they might want to steal your time away from me but that’s not happening”
• “You’re very attractive,  I’m attracted to you”

the thrilling saga of shit i’ve heard at college continues; these are all from my first semester of junior year. feel free to change names/pronouns/etc.! more ‘shit i heard/said’ starters!

• “Bippity-bop, is that the name of a song?”
• “I’d like to die in Spain, in my lover’s arms. Or just not be murdered, that’d be cool too.”
• “You’ve gotta hydrate before you die-drate.”
• “We are going to steal Niagara Falls.”
• “Roundabouts are my bitch.”
• “Being confused with a freshman isn’t the worst thing to be confused with. Better than being confused with a serial killer.”
• “It was when I was three and almost burned down the house.”
• “Is that in the interview? How’s your immune system?”
• “The devil’s weakness is shrubbery.”
• “I have a very strong immune system because I’m gross.”
• “It’s supposed to help my hairline… it’s not gonna help my hairline.”
• “You have to rest to fight the chairs.”
• “If you scroll back far enough, you’ll see her post pictures from her mission trip, as the whites do.”
• “She used to be full of sunshine and rainbows and then she turned into a bitch.”
• “No hand holding. Only blowjobs.”
• “Elon Musk is gonna cry.”
• “Are you about to be in a porno but in real life?”
• “Autocorrect is a Jewish saint.”
• “He’s a claymation penguin and he will change your life.”
• “Our fridge was just organized like… shitty Tetris.”
• “I had two bananas and six pieces of cookie dough… I need to go to the grocery store.”
• “Goodnight, you… people…”
• “There’s only four very very sticky coffee colored pennies.”
• “When you’re kinda kinky: spank-esque.”
• “Officer, you can’t arrest me. It’s gameday.”
• “Welcome back to Sophie Doesn’t Know How To Accurately Portion Food. On this episode, we’re making a fuck load of pasta.”
• “On a scale of one to ten, he was fine.”
• “I’m gonna pour barbecue sauce all over my finger and act like I cut it off.”
• “The cornbread might be a minute, but the porn-bread won’t be.”
• “First of all, fuck you. Second of all, fuck you.”
• “After this game, we could go to the dining hall and get unlimited biscuits.”
• “We took a vote. You’re going to have to start needlepointing.”
• “I thought it couldn’t rain in here…! I thought that was a myth…!”
• “No, I can make soup. I can’t make pie!”
• “The leather riding crop. A classic.”
• “You want me to distill the water? Harvest a fucking raincloud?”
• “I need to straight up snort caffeine pills for it to work.”
• “You do your homework, you die.”
• “If you accidentally stab me, it would be really funny?”
• “Do you guys take ghost money?”
• “When I was little, I really liked showering in the dark.”
• “Not to be dramatic, but are you going to tell him you love him?”
• “Somebody broke into my car last night and smoked meth.”
• “Maybe they were talking about someone else, but now I’m sad.”
• “Am I eating sawdust or cardboard?”
• “And then he sent three pictures of Mediterranean food.”
• “Just stand there and be sad.”
• “There are no more Toys R Us kids. Only Crate And Barrel adults.”
• “That cake almost killed me. I’ll have more, please.”
• “Would you like some Jesus?”
• “I don’t care how convenient it is, never buy milk at the gas station.”
• “He just destroyed his table with an ax that he found on the street.”
• “Deep fried Coca-Cola…! Solidify it, deep fry it, eat it.”
• “You Uber to class? Like… all the time?”
• “I’m not even going to try. No, you know what? I am going to try.”
• “How do you pronounce "p-h-t-h”?“
• “That’s a good cloud! Let’s cheer for that cloud!”
• "Also, I was sad and drunk, so…”
• “What happens if you pour beer on a candle?”
• “Nobody minds a little violence in October.”
• “Apparently, they don’t poop out of their mouths.”
• “Are you ever $270 in credit card debt and you just don’t care?”
• “You know what we had to read last year? 1200 pages of Don Quick-sote.”
• “She had an attack of religious conscience and she was like, mmm, the devil.”
• “I’m Billy Wilder, and you can go fuck yourself.”
• “I paid for these with student loans and complaining.”
• “I was so stressed I blacked out.”
• “I was listening to a sad audiobook, about to cry on the Stairmaster.”
• “So God comes out, dick swinging…”
• “It’s only from May to September, because that’s… prime goat season.”
• “Really tempted to buy a dog or a raccoon right now.”
• “He’s such a cute little tall man.”
• “Sammy serves no man.”
• “Tell me I did a great job.”
• “I’ll speak for everyone and say we have no idea what’s going on.”
• “Maybe we can have an affair next week.”
• “The colors of the wind need to chill.”
• “It has 18 wheels! That’s too many wheels!”
• “I had a nightmare about that ham.”
• “It’s almost like Groundhog Day, but awful.”
• “Come to the darkness. We don’t have cookies and we have sad but like still come.”
• “Alright, let’s go eat this ass.”
• “Military hardware is not my thing.”
• “Put me down for two scoops of pain, please.”
• “Gotta get away from the capitalists.”
• “Color schemes like this are what happens when you don’t have any gay men in your life.”
• “I won 86 cents.”
• “Can we kill death itself?”
• “Stuff on bread – a category I can get behind.”
• “If I can’t be gay in my own home where can I be gay?”
• “There was a little tiny towel that I used to dry most of my body.”
• “Frazzled onions - they have an exam tomorrow.”
• “Everybody loves you and the ones that don’t, they’re going to jail.”
• “It’s no big deal, but Buzzfeed told me I’d find my husband abroad, so…”
• “These two men, a combined height of 12'10”…“
• "It was one AM and I was not about to get into the Pussy Discourse but I am now.”
• “I’m a Suffering major.”
• “That’s my 1/100th of a cent that I worked for.”
• “They misspelled canoeing ‘canerfing’.”
• “I sent nudes in a Waffle House bathroom”
• “On Monday, let’s all get together and cry.”
• “I’m never going to do that again. But probably tomorrow.”
• “All I know is that those two glasses look like six.”
• “If you play a draw four card, I’m gonna sneak into your room and slit your throat.”
• “I don’t wanna drink for men.”
• “We are stressing in Chili’s.”
• “I’m just going to start violently screaming.”
• “Now you’ve become a catfish with a cause.”
• “Blessed be the power of bullshit.”
• “I love that movie. I’ve seen it one time. I love that movie.”
• “Taco Bell could fist me in the ass.”