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Malkidian Geometry

@davidmalki / davidmalki.tumblr.com

a half-opened door through which marvels may be glimpsed
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Yesterday, @ryannorth​, I vowed to dig up EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EVER WRITTEN and SHOVE IT into the cold light of day.

Today, crammed into a shoebox deep in a file drawer with a bunch of other stuff from 2006, I found this – the script for Friends Forever Till the Universe Explodes. Ryan, I don't know if you had forgotten completely about this, but I had.

Seeing it all wrinkled and worn brought a flood of memories back. Laughing in restaurants – my first visit to Toronto when we walked around downtown and tried to get onto the roof of that hospital or whatever it was – your first visit to Los Angeles when we got stuck trying to navigate the same intersection in Silverlake for like fifteen minutes – laughing, joking, getting to know one another...and then the realization, in the middle of a Whispered Apologies-related conversation as I recall, that we had the makings of a show.

Writing. Revising. Rehearsing. Being unable to decide whether to hold the show in Los Angeles or Toronto, then coming up with the brilliant idea (for a couple of 25-year-olds) that we should split the difference and hold it in Sutherland, Nebraska, exactly halfway between the two!

It was such a fiasco that we vowed never to speak of it again. Well, I'm sorry, Ryan. I'm sorry that I'm breaking that promise now. I'm sorry that I won't forget about the thing that brought us together. I'm sorry that I forgot before.

I'm sorry.

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It's already been well established that Ryan North has written a number of previously-unknown books that, taken as the work of a career as a whole, paint him as a very strange individual (to be as charitable as possible).

But let's be honest, Ryan. You didn't think I – or anyone – would ever find out about your college-era, boutique-press Bildungsroman: an oh-so-precious chapbook written under a pretentious pair of you-thought-unGooglable initials, printed in a positively decadent run of 85 copies (according to the footer on each and every page)...and which is completely unavailable on Abebooks, Bibliofind, Alibris, WorldCat, The Book Depository, and Indiebound.

But not the mighty Amazon.

It arrived today.

HA HA HA HA !!! I'VE GOT YOU NOW !!! HA HA HA HA HA LOOK AT THAT PICTURE ! ! ! ! ! 

THIS WILL NEVER STOP. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS "GOING TOO FAR." I WILL DIG UP EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EVER WRITTEN AND

DE

STROY

YOU

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Do you like having OPINIONS? How about answering SURVEYS about them, for no reason except just for fun??

(note: these are just screenshots. the actual link is at the bottom)

I am working on a new game. It involves guessing the answers to survey questions (kind of like Family Feud). So, to populate the game, we have posted a bunch of surveys.

Most of them are for ANYONE, but there are also some specifically for PARENTS, SPORTS FANS, ACTORS, and so on.

Some are light, some are serious, some get very personal, and some get a little weird.

Please check out the page, answer any surveys that you like (they're all short and pretty fun), and feel free to forward to anyone!

I'll also take any reblogs you care to offer. We are hoping to get at least 500 answers to each survey by the end of June!

Thanks!!

LINK TO ALL THE SURVEYS: cut.com/k100

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It's the LAST DAY for the TBH game on Kickstarter!

We've reached a bunch of stretch goals, which means ALL BACKERS get a pack of BONUS CARDS that won't be in the main game later on. Today is the last day to claim a copy of TBH and get the bonus cards!!

It's been a wild month and today we are LANDING THIS PLANE in MERE HOURS.

Kickstarter link: https://bit.ly/tbh-dmt

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Another clip from my new game, TBH! You craft a dilemma for the other players. Then you have to predict how they’ll answer it. It’s super fun tbh
We've just hit a bunch of stretch goals so we have added over 100 more cards to the base game!
It's on Kickstarter now through April 30: https://bit.ly/tbh-dmt
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This is my new game, TBH! You craft a dilemma for the other players. Then you have to predict how they’ll answer it. It’s super fun tbh

On Kickstarter now through April 30: bit.ly/tbh-dmt

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If you’re a Wondermark reader (OR EVEN IF NOT, I GUESS), I have made a survey! 

Real talk, here: now that I’m starting to come to grips with the time tradeoffs that parenting a toddler requires, I want to be able to focus my energies where they will be the most effective creatively.

This survey will help me prioritize some of my creative plans for the coming months! As well as figure out what kinds of rewards to offer when I introduce new tiers on Patreon, which will happen very soon.

Click through! Take the survey! Have a great time. And thank you!!

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Wondermark Cast Cards Update

For a few years now, I’ve been making Wondermark Cast Cards: little commemorative plaques that memorialize special events and reader participation:

With this year’s end, so ends the program, so I thought this would be a good time to let everyone know how they might obtain some of the last few to be issued!

Here’s how they’re made – and which ones are still available:

• On our Patreon, subscribers at the $21 tier are entitled to a different unique card every month! 

Patreon is a great way to contribute any amount to support the things you like to read, and the very kind folks who are able to contribute a higher amount are rewarded accordingly. Pictured above in the top row are the October, November, and December cards.

There are still a few days to qualify for the December card if you like – just be in that tier by the end of the month. The December card is Bill Claus, from the holiday storyline a few years back

And that’ll be it for the subscription tier! That tier will be morphing into something different in January.

• Then, there are two Wondermark Calendar-related cards: Sir Kel F. Finnt is awarded to anyone who gets a copy of this year’s calendar AND/OR a copy of the new The Elephant of Surprise mini-collection, both of which are still available while supplies last.

• If you qualify as a Calendar Ace (a patron of that product five or more times over the years), then don’t forget to claim that card as well when you make your order this year, if you haven’t already.

• And finally, there will be one last card in the spring, shipping with the next hardcover Wondermark collection, Friends You Can Ride On.

If you’ve reserved a copy of that book already thanks to backing our Kickstarter, then great! You’re all set.If you missed the KS but would still like to secure a book (and card), I’ll reopen pre-orders via BackerKit in January, so you’ll have another chance! Watch for that in a few weeks.

How Cast Cards are made

It’s been a while since I first introduced Cast Cards, so I thought maybe it’s worth a little refresher of what they are and what goes into making them.

I wanted some kind of premium item to honor reader participation and accomplishments. Cast Cards are mini-commemorative plaques that each feature a character from the Wondermark cast on one side, with all their relevant “stats” on the back.

The base piece is laser-cut tempered hardboard (Masonite). Each blank is cut out of a sheet, and engraved on both front and back, by our giant industrial laser:

Each sheet of wood yields 44 blanks:

I lay out the artwork in Illustrator, then print out a set of 9 cards’ worth at a time onto label paper:

Then each individual piece is cut out with the laser! I used to do this part by hand, but why, when you have a laser???

This process creates a series of individual stickers.

I transfer each one onto a blank sheet of sticker backing paper – so they can be removed again – then match each front and back with a glossy gold foil cover sticker (rolls of which I had custom made):

The back is just a frame shape, while the front also has the WONDERMARK text in gold:

The gold foil is really the part that gives it the special touch, in my opinion! I’ll have to figure out what to do with the leftover gold stickers.

Then each combined sticker gets applied to a wooden blank, front and back sides both:

Yes, I custom-made a little form for my thumb to fit onto, because it was starting to hurt putting pressure on the corner of the roller over and over.

And the card is finished! The “feet” are cut separately – each card ships with a foot, of course, so it can stand up.

That’s the whole process! It is fun and satisfying but also elaborate and painstaking. I am happy to have done it for so long, but equally happy to try something new in the future. There will be 52 in all once all of these last few have been issued.

If you’d like to get ahold of any of the final few, now you know how! And thanks once again to everyone who has participated so far. I hope you enjoy the ones you have!!

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Dang no kidding! These grinch ads are PULLING ZERO PUNCHES.

I dunno how this helps advertise a movie for children, but grinch is woke, dang.

W-what are you saying here, grinch

All right grinch THAT is taking it too far

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prokopetz

Wondermark has literally spent the last six weeks doing nothing but comics revolving around increasingly bizarre wordplay upon the phrase “check out my sick elephant”, and I think it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

(The first comic in the… arc, I suppose you’d call it?… is here, for those who wish to experience them in the intended order.)

For the benefit of the morbidly curious, the Sick Elephant arc concludes as of today. What began as a one-off gag became a three and half month saga exploring every conceivable permutation of an already-forced pun. The link to the first page is in the original post – and may God have mercy on your soul.

I kept up with it in semi-real time and it was quite a journey. The slow realization that every single comic had the same punchline, the morbid curiosity of seeing how each one was going to work into the format, and the psychotic amusement as he occasionally just layered them in there. I think there’s like twelve in the final comic, but that’s just a guess. There’s probably more than twelve variations of “Check out my sick elephant”. A lot more.

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davidmalki

Twenty-one in the final comic. Someone counted them all, in the whole series, and they claim there’s sixty-three in total. (I believe them.)

The other thing no one’s pointed out yet is that in the first Chekhov strip, the dialogue is largely Chekhov short story titles strung together. I lost count myself (because so many of them are just single words, like “Art”) but I think there are forty-two in all.

I went back and added more after taking this screenshot, but it gives you an idea:

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shulabramble

@kitrona sent me this picture.

“Check out my sock holephant!”

We love Wondermark.

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davidmalki

What can I do but approve

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Just under a week left on this campaign to print my first new Wondermark collection in six years! I figured I should mention it here. We’re close to hitting the next stretch goal, which will add even MORE pages of comics to the book!

The book will contain about 200 comic strips, such as this one:

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agoodcartoon

i mean, “he didn’t assault me so he couldn’t have assaulted anyone” is basically a lie

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davidmalki

Um...

I see you there being proud of your own cleverness, Tinsley

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