Acorns in Hell

oh shit how the hell do I choose

Frodo may be Bilbo’s actual adopted nephew, but Merry and Pippin are his younger cousins, and Sam is his old gardener’s son whose family he clearly has a soft spot for and who he taught to read and write, and Gimli is the son of one of his old adventuring friends, and Legolas is, similarly, the son of the Elvenking who named him an elf-friend, and we know Aragorn is canonically his friend as well, who he very possibly could have met as a small child in Rivendell when he passed through, so really, like 7/9 members of the Fellowship are people he can employ weird elderly relative (or the honorary equivalent thereof) energy on if he wants to and I think that’s very powerful.

the fellowship is 7 people who Bilbo Baggins can employ weird elderly relative energy onto PLUS 1 person who can employ weird elderly relative energy onto Bilbo Baggins PLUS Boromir.

Love that one scene in Return Of The King that's like "bad news, sauron knows everything pippin knows. good news, pippin knows absolutely fuck all."

man lord of the rings just fills me with such profound sadness its a world that just…… makes me feel whole and hollow at the same time

14 yr old me saw this and knew I would spend the rest of my life trying to explain what the feeling this frame invokes in me is

I have not seen enough people talking about how the 20th anniversary of Fellowship of the Ring is in like a month

20 years of The Fellowship of The Ring released december 19, 2001

Ok but the subplot where Aragorn becomes the protagonist of a Horse Girl Movie™ is one of my FAVORITE things to come out of the Two Towers. 

In the stables of Rohan, there is an unruly horse named Brego. This horse is so wild that even the horse-masters of Rohan can’t tame him. He’s just a lost cause, they say. “There’s nothing you can do– leave him,” they say.

BUT THEN ARAGORN COMES IN. And like the heroine of a Horse Movie™ he’s all: “You just don’t UNDERSTAND the horse! The horse is wild and rebellious and free– like me!” 

Aragorn begins gently talking to the horse, first in Rohirric, then in Elvish. He calms him down and asks him what’s wrong.

You could easily draw a parallel between Aragorn and Brego’s “rebelliousness.”  To Theoden, Aragorn was acting overly unruly and difficult.  “When last I looked, Theoden, not Aragorn, was King of Rohan.” Then Brego acts unruly and difficult – and Aragorn’s like “the people of Rohan just don’t understand you!!!!!!”

And then Eowyn explains that Brego used to belong to Theodred.

Suddenly Brego’s unruliness IS completely understandable— his master was killed in battle.  He’s a horse with a Tragic Backstory.

“Your name is kingly,” Aragorn tells the horse. Aragorn is also a king. Aragorn is projecting. 

Now that she’s explained the horse’s tragic backstory, Eowyn tries to get Aragorn to open up about his own Tragic Backstory™. (”I have heard of the magic of elves, but I did not look for it in a Ranger from the north….?”) She fails. Aragorn is briefly like “yup I was raised by elves,” does not elaborate, and then peaces out.

But as he leaves Aragorn dramatically says: “turn this fellow free; he has seen enough of war.”  

And Eowyn is forced to wonder whether Aragorn is talking about the horse….or about himself….

Then Aragorn has a Near-Death-Experience, but Arwen’s elven-magic (just roll with it) saves him. And the horse who comes to carry him to safety is none other than Brego.

It’s Brego, repaying the kindness and understanding Aragorn showed him earlier in the film! 

 Aragorn set Brego free, and in return Brego saves Aragorn’s life!

 Because they UNDERSTAND each other, as fellow free spirits who “have seen too much of war.”  Both of them are KINGLY but also WILD, they’ve lived through too much and lost people they cared about, and their strong wills cannot be tamed by anyone in Rohan!

 It’s beautiful. Aragorn canonically has Disney-Princess-level animal friendship powers. 

When they arrive at Helm’s Deep, Aragorn smiles and earnestly says in Elvish:  “thank you Brego, my friend.” And we know that Brego understands….

Literally every time I watch this subplot I think of that one tumblr post on the plot of Every Horse Movie

TOLKIEN WEEK (½) – day 5. favorite quotes

That first one always kills me, especially after finding out that scene wasnt in the books at all, fran walsh just wrote that like On Set and tolkien scholars are all “yes, this is golden thank u”

Hobbits really are amazing creatures! You can learn all that there is to know about their ways in a month, and yet after a hundred years, they can still surprise you.

“influencer” is such a sinister title. it’s got all the menace of “royal adviser” but none of the raw sex appeal.

whenever I hear "influencer" I think of this

Update: Sauron is not afraid of hobbits. He was unaware that hobbits existed up until very recently.  he literally did not have time to be afraid of them, they went from a 0 to 100 threat level in twenty seconds. There he was, minding his own business worrying about the usual Elves and Men when suddenly these kids are on his lawn and now he’s dead, like just; 

What did— who– 

did I just get one-shotted by an infant how is this occurring 

Honestly I have to love this whole thought process that the Fellowship must have cultivated in Sauron, like…

“These children have found the Ring! But they’re taking it to the elves, of course. I will simply have to catch them on the way.”

“Well, the elves are still not to be trifled with, it seems. It looks as though they have a group of intrepid heroes, how cute! Wait, who’s leading them? Aw, hell.”

“OKAY! Olorin’s out of the way, and now I can finally kill them all and reclaim the- OH DAMMIT, IT’S IN LOTHLORIEN.”

“Well, okay. They’ve taken it onward. Curunir says one of the halflings is still carrying the ring, so he’s going to capture them and we’ll see how this develops. Thankfully Olorin’s still out of the picture and their little group just shattered into pieces, so that’s one less thing to worry about.”

“Aaaaaand Curunir shat the bed. Excellent. Trees, who would have thought? Okay, so we’re back to plan A: conquer Gondor, because if the Ring’s going to be anywhere, it’ll be there.”

“Wait, who’s on the– Isildur’s WHAT? Ohhhh. Ohohoho. Oh now everything makes sense. Isildur’s Heir is back, and he’s here being all prideful again. That’s fine. Really. I’ll just crush him and his kingdom, and then nobody can stop me!”

“WHAT? FUCKING WHAT? THEY SENT HIM BACK? Ugh, alright, alright, I’m cool, I’m fine. He’s still got that stupid wizard costume on, and I’m still stronger than he ever was. It’s not like he can come toe to toe with me, even if he does have an army behind him. This’ll be fine.”

“They’re… actually marching on the Black Gate? Sweet lord, I didn’t think they’d actually do it! This is perfect, everyone’s right here! Olorin, the human princeling, most of the remaining fighting forces of Men, all I have to do is kill them now and– Wait. Someone just put on the Ring. Someone just– That’s a halfling. They’re inside the mouNTAIN OH GOD NAZGUL GO GO G–”

…aaaaaand curtain.

you can laugh but that is literally what happened

This is the single best brief summary I have ever seen of the entire point of the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

Displays of physical affection in The Lord of the Rings (2001—2003)

Yall with ur ‘uwu soft nervous baby’ Faramir characterisations are really missing out on the truest and best version of this 37 year old guerilla fighter: shamelessly charming rogue with a scandelous reputation, the family embarrassment and proud of it.

This man didn’t casually flout his father’s authority, verbally drag his dead elder brother to a stranger, or make out with the princess of Rohan before the entire population of Minas Tirith for you all to label him a wilting flower, Faramir’s punk!! Faramir’s savage!! Faramir is! a! hussy!!!

I’m here for this slutty Faramir discourse, even if only in the sense that I am present while it is proceeding.

“Is Faramir a slut?” - the greatest thread in the history of forums, locked by a moderator after 12,237 pages of heated debate

when the loremasters are asked of this matter they blanch and fall silent, the answer remains buried deep in the archives of Minas Tirith where even a wizard may struggle to find it.

This is all very funny but I haven’t slept in 22 hours and I’ve lost all sense of impulse control. This is not discourse! There is no heated debate! Book!Faramir is a combative idealistic punk rocker hussy and I will challenge ANY foe to prove otherwise. You’ve all just been taken in by Peter Jackson’s propaganda but I will not let it stand!! All evidence is in my favour this is an OPEN AND SHUT case!!

I read this in Denethor’s voice.

While I do not doubt denethor knows what his son is like don’t make him say faramir’s a hussy out loud, hasn’t the poor man been through enough!!

I wonder if people will ever say, ‘Let’s hear about Frodo and the Ring.’ And they’ll say ‘Yes, that’s one of my favorite stories. Frodo was really courageous, wasn’t he, dad.’ ‘Yes, my boy, the most famousest of hobbits. And that’s saying a lot.’ You left out one of the chief characters. Samwise the Brave. I want to hear more about Sam. Frodo wouldn’t have got far without Sam.