I’m sorry if no one’s explained this to you before but a content creator telling you that their work isn’t for minors and it’s not their responsibility to jump through hoops to keep it from you is an adult looking out for kids. they’re modeling good boundaries and setting the expectation that you’ll engage with the online community like a person and take responsibility for your choices. if you cannot understand that you need to look out for yourself and take people seriously when they say their work isn’t suitable for young audiences then you are not ready to be unsupervised on the internet.

I’m a slut for sitting in comfortable silence while both of us do our own thing and occasionally show each other something dumb on our computers like that’s the good shit my dude. 

i hate being neurodivergent sometimes bc someone will be like "hey, check out this piece of media!" and i'm like. i would love to. unfortunately if i do i will probably become hyperfixated on it and lose my current hyperfixation and i don't want to do that bc i love my current hyperfixation :/

no but these fics

late night rendezvous

I hc’d that before Ning built the jade chamber, she collected plaustrite from fallen lanterns during the festival and took note of the wishes the people made! anyway, Ning supremacy

hmmm

I love tumblr. I love that tumblr is the best social media site of 2021.

Every other site has spent the last decade perfecting the art of targeted ads. I am a wallet of flesh and blood which must be stripped bare and profiled and picked apart for the maximally efficient way to squeeze profit from my presence. Every other site will fold and morph itself to a shape of my liking - like a fairy tale trickster stealing memories and taking their mold - to lull me into compliance and loosen my coin purse.

Facebook sees me searching fitness equipment and injects my timeline with athletic wear ads. Reddit profiles the subreddits I follow and eagerly promotes a new coding bootcamp or cloud service at every turn. Google overhears me lamenting over my moving to-do list on voice call and fills in my “how much to tip movers” query before I’ve gotten the third word typed out.

Tumblr never even tried.

They could have. The information is there. The basic infrastructure, presumably, exists. Tumblr can recommend me tags based on tags I follow, blogs based on blogs I follow, even posts that for one reason or another may strike my fancy. Tumblr could be - SHOULD be - funneling this framework into advertising, as the only means that free-to-use social media platforms can turn a profit in our capitalistic hellscape.

They just don’t.

Today I saw an ad for treating Hyperhidrosis - a condition, I think, in which a person sweats too much - and I saw it twice, four posts apart, and it is so incredibly benignly impersonally ineptly untargeted toward me compared to all other pinpoint-aimed advertising that I’m endeared to it. Tumblr knows NOTHING about me. 8 years, 51,000 likes, and tumblr has not learned a THING about me.

Advertisements for a mattress? Shitty mobile game ads that don’t make even the slightest pretense at being anything other than a candy crush rip-off? Choose-your-own adventure games either about Royal Espionage or Choosing The Wrong Dress For Your Date with ZERO in-between.

And then this. This here. The culmination, the crown-jewel of tumblr’s nihilistic non-compliance with the state of social media advertising. Any pretense of capitalistic exchange is abandoned at the gas station by the side of the road. This is not a company. This is not a product. This is not anything that fulfills the contract of consumer and seller. 

THIS. THIS IS WHAT TUMBLR HAS TO OFFER INSTEAD.

“Pour vinegar on your bread, fuck you.”

“Put it in the garbage, fuck you.”

“Your wife says you’re a fucking dumbass, fuck you.”

That’s it. That’s the advertisement. You vinegar-breadless cuck. You virgin extraordinaire bereft of bread and garbage can. I am fucking your wife right now in our vinegar-soaked motel bed. She puffs a cigarette which I pulled from the trashcan and we both laugh heartily at her recounts of your immasculine ineptitude. I don’t want your money. I don’t want anything from you. Fuck you. 

Amazing. Amazing. What a state of things to ring in 2021. What a great platform we all collectively choose to be on.

I started screenshotting my favorite ads

Just fucking take a bite out of your soap you piece of shit. Sleep with it and eat it

I don’t even know what this is trying to sell me. Tumblr doesn’t either. The ad doesn’t know either. Did I click on the link? Fucking absolutely. I think it was broken

Beautiful a+ 10/10

A compilation of my favorites:

Hi listen I know I’m OP but I’m losing my fucking mind over this.

i cant believe i fell for that “look angry and upset and hope someone saves you” shit in high school! how boring! what an awful way to live! i want to be so warm that ppl are gently warmed when theyre around me

like a soup

like a soup

hey man ur body does a really good job of regulating and maintaining itself… no homeo…

#this gets funnier the more time goes on

happy anniversary 

OBSESSED