perhaps vampires is a bit strong but...

my brain after i 100% locked the door:

this is exactly how this scene went

presenting the safest kittens in the world

Oh dear god

St. Bernards are not real. They can’t be.

they could all comfortably ride on top of that dog’s head

“I WILL PROTEC THESE WEIRD DOGS

THEY ARE MY CHILDREN”

hey look it’s me

me alone in my bedroom at 3am on a tuesday

Some dude: Hey bro you got the time?

Me: Yeah it’s fuckinuuuuuh [pulls a cat out of the inside of my jacket and looks it dead in the eyes] about 6pm

reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)

Дефицит кадров

“Staff shortage” (the name tag reads “trainee”).

he’s doing SUCH A GOOD JOB PROMOTE HIM MAKE HIM STORE MANAGER

… brb making a playlist called Weird Songs From The Nineteen Hundreds

y'all ever hear a song and just. immediately adopt it into your aesthetic and self like “oh this,, this is me now,,, my whole identity,, is this song”

Toucans are pretty weird, right?

I mean look at them, they’re all fucking beak.

But they get weirder.

Have you ever seen a toucan skull?

I MEAN LOOK AT THIS THING THEIR BEAK IS TALLER THAN THEIR ENTIRE FUCKING SKULL

@thestalkerbunny toucan lich

It gets worse:

Without the added volume of feathers, a toucan’s beak is the size of the whole rest of its body put together. They are literally and without exaggeration 50% beak by volume.

Super Dad

Conclusion: human evolution has always depended in part upon some unassuming father’s ability to literally backflip his child out of the jaws of death.

This is what I want all 2018 posts to be like. Wholesome and protected.

I hate when they make you describe yourself on the first day of school like???? me????? tired angry egg trying to live an honest life

Cat Circles, the amazing phenomenon in which a cat will deliberately sit in a circle on the floor.

Photos via Reddit

that last cat looks sick