There’s something about the way Finn said “That’s the only name they ever gave me” that breaks my heart. He sounded so resigned, so nonplussed, so matter of fact–as if Poe had asked the time, Finn had given it, and Poe seemed confused, to which Finn just shrugged and replied “that’s what the clock says.” He didn’t sound sad or particularly broken up about it and I realized it’s probably because he didn’t know what was stolen from him.
Of course Finn knew what families were and that some people got to grow up with them. He understood what parents and siblings were. He knew enough of the concept of friendship to want it. But these were all things he’d never had and knew he’d never have. So, Finn pushed them from his mind.
Since birth, Finn was told that he could never change his circumstances. So, what was the point of complaining, he reasoned. Why wallow? His hand had been dealt and so he worked to play his cards to the best of his ability.
Because Finn isn’t self-involved. Finn doesn’t pity himself. Finn is selfless, almost to a fault.
That is why it was never anything the First Order did to him that made Finn decide to leave. It was what the FO did to others: the teammates they told him to leave behind, the innocents they ordered him to kill, the teammates they led to slaughter.
That is why every new experience and person is so precious to Finn. He’s discovering the life he never had–the person he wasn’t allowed to be. And he greets each new discovery, not with an understandable sadness borne of deprivation, but with the wide-eyed enthusiasm of exploration.
A nickname? He’s always wanted one. Tries it on. Finds he likes it.
A pilot. A friend? Gone too soon. Finn clings to the only remaining piece of him.
A scavenger. A look. One he’s never seen before but is immediately determined not to lose.
A reunion. He runs to it. Embraces it.
A righteous battle. Innocents to defend. He dares Death to come get it.
When Finn awakens, he’ll find Rey, friendship, love, family, a future. All the things he thought he’d lost. Finn will embrace each new revelation the way Finn always does: not with the sadness of “this is what I missed,” but with the joy of “look at what I’ve found.”
