PEOPLE BORN IN 2000 ARE ADULTS THIS YEAR. I FEEL SO OLD.

2001. THIS IS NOT HAPPENING.

2002. STOP.

what is context…

their shadows are almost kissing

I think it was before I started posting story concepts on tumblr but I had an old concept called ‘apocalyptia’ which was a dark comedy about a world where every apocalypse movie premise happened simultaneously

The big joke was that all these HUGE disasters cancelled each other out. A bunch of shit flooding kept the zombies contained. The super intelligent apes stopped global warming. The leather-clad motorcycle murder gangs intimidate the alien invaders.

Everything sucks in like 8 overlapping ways but it’s just become the norm at this point. There’s a guy named Cannibal Jack that people trust to cook for them for some reason.

The main character is a recluse with a shotgun who just wants to sit in her shack and give cynical advice to passing young people, but unfortunately, her younger brother and only surviving family member is a conman with his fingers in every stupid decision being made within a ten mile radius

The brother’s name is Sal, which is short for SOMETHING but he changes his answer every time. He seems to think this qualifies as an alias, and bizarrely, it usually works. Notable ‘definitely Sal’s real name’ options include Salt, Salmon, Salamander, and Salad.

His sister’s name is Marian, occasionally called Misery Marian. It is a running joke that young characters think this is a reference to her bad attitude, but anyone who actually CALLS her that is clearly terrified of her for some unspecified reason.

Sal’s got an on-again off-again business partner by the name of Kent Bardsley, who is just.... SO irresponsibly horny. Sal’s motivation is money, but Kent’s is sex. He keeps getting run out of town for sleeping with important people’s wives. He’s an idiot, but he’s not a conman like Sal, he just helps him with his schemes as an in to towns so he can visit his assortment of fuckbuddies.

The joke of Kent’s character is that the ‘apocalypse’ he’s part of is conservative scaremongering about sexual freedom destroying society. He gets a last name because while Sal calls him Kenny, Marian calls him ‘Bardsley’ with deep contempt.

The fuck types of our characters so far:

Marian: fuck off

Sal: fuck you, pay me

Kent: fuck me

Cannibal Jack: what the fuck

There’s an alien named Glipix who is investigating why the invasion failed and her analysis tends to boil down to ‘damn bitch you really live like this?’

Kent is really into her but his flirting goes right over her head. Marian’s the only one she respects anyways.

Kent: Hey, you looking to get those eggs fertilized, beautiful?

Glipix: What pollinators are operating on this horrible planet? Did you see one? I need to speak with them if you did.

Kent: uh

I have a mental image for a TV opening where it’s Marian at like.  12.  watching some apocalypse happen through a window and saying “The world ended when I was a girl...” in a really serious tone, and then it pans out to show like 6 other apocalypses happening and her voice turns sarcastic and she says “about thirty fucking times, actually.”

Alright here’s more content for you guys:

—Marian is 46 and spent her 20s and early 30s as a mad max style motorcycle gang member. ‘Misery Marian’ was her moniker while she was LEADING one of these gangs.

—Sal and Kent are somehow unaware of this.

—Sal’s apocalypse is capitalism. Also Godzilla.

—I’m not kidding about that, Sal and Marian’s parents were killed by a giant dinosaur that still sometimes shows up to bother Sal.

i’m in love with this

Please for the love of god write this book so i can do fanfiction of the characters in already in love with

reverse fake dating: very in love couple has to pretend theyre not actually together

Promising Young Woman script review with spoilers

So when the trailer for Promising Young Woman dropped I was really excited as it seemed right up my alley and the sort of thing that my followers would enjoy. 

In the trailer we see Carey Mulligan playing Cassandra, a woman who pretends to be drunk, gets picked up by men and then confronts her would-be rapists. The whole trailer had a really fun dark comedy vibe and made it seem like a feminist revenge tale. 

But someone linked me to a copy of the script. I’m not the sort of person who minds spoilers so I read the whole thing and I want to say that the trailer is misleading (more on that under the cut) and I think a lot of people who watch the trailer will expect one thing while the actual film delivers something very different. And they’re going to be angry.

I also want to say that it is possible that some elements from the script I read were changed in the final film however every scene in the trailer was also in the script. 

Major Spoilers under the cut

TW: rape

Keep reading

THE VERY FIRST STAR TREK SLASH FIC PUBLISHED

“A Fragment out of Time”, published in 1974. Kirk / Spock. page 1 page 2

I had to share it with you because I can’t stop laughing, and every time I reread it it just gets funnier and fUNNIER

This fan fiction is older than the push-through tabs on soda cans.

Your grandma wrote this on her Commodore 64.

I miss my Commodore 64

Oh my dear, sweet children. The Commodore 64 came out in 1982. This was produced on a typewriter and probably mimeographed. And while it may seem funny now, it took more courage to write and distribute this than you will ever  know.

Reblogged for that last comment.

respect your elders

Children, in the olden days fanfiction was written on a typewriter, copied and sent by snail mail. Getting one one of those letters from across the world was every bit as exciting as getting a notification that your favorite writer posted a new fic.

It’s been said before, but the fact that this fic begins with the dialogue assertion “We’re by no means setting a precedent” is endlessly amusing to me.

Diane Marchant changed all our lives. May she rest in peace.

The precedent line is especially amusing when you bear in mind that “A Fragment Out of Time” is not only the first Star Trek slashfic to be published in a widely distributed magazine: it’s believed by some to be the first slashfic of any kind to be widely published.

Hey @bassicallyelora I made you a meme

Template was made by spacey_mars on twitter

What are your best Star Trek reaction pics/gifs? I can’t chose one, but these are some favs.

Minerva McGonagall knew Augusta Longbottom’s Charms score, but she’s not old enough to have taught Neville’s grandmother

So they must have gone to school together and now I’m just picturing this awesome rivalry between the two of them.

Just saying if anyone wanted to write me a fic about these two I would be 200% on board

If I remember my best interpretation of the numbers right, Walburgia Black would have *also* been in Minerva’s year, which I think is pretty good justification for interpreting it as not a simple rivalry but a three-way feud.

Hufflepuff House is not sure how they managed to avoid getting drawn into this but they’re not complaining.

Head canon that Amelia Bones was in Hogwarts at the same time and represented through Hufflepuff House

No wonder no one remembers Tom Riddle from his school years if everyone was focusing on the rivalry between these 4 witches

This is canon now.

I sort of wish that they would make a story or something about the second avatar. I mean that must have been strange as fuck to be like, 8 and you’re bending all the elements and no one can give you a reasonable explanation other than “this dude named Wan used to do that”

Second Avatar doing the talking-to-your-past-lives-thing for the first time: Whoa, what is going on?? Literally just Wan, alone: You’re asking the questions I wish I knew the answers to, buddy.

They were probably really close, thinking about it?? This is a really classic setup of a chosen one kid and their weird spirit companion figuring out the ropes as they go alone.

I would watch the hell out of this.

Second avatar: I MADE FIRE! Wan: Yeah, I see that, but… Second avatar: NO LOOK! I MADE FIRE! Wan: Yes. I see that. And it’s in your house. Second avatar: !!!!!!!!!!!!! Wan: You remember that water trick we were just talking about? That would be really useful right about now.

jucika and hilda

t shirt that says “HENRY DAVID THOREAU’S MOM DID HIS LAUNDRY”

US Helplines:

UK Helplines:

FREE 24/7 suicide hotlines:

(Source)

ALWAYS REBLOG WHEN YOU SEE SOMETHING LIKE THIS PLEASE; ITS SO MUCH MORE THAN IMPORTANT TO PEOPLE. IT MEANS EVERYTHING TO SOMEBODY AND EVEN THOUGH YOU MIGHT NOT SEE THIS IN THE SAME LIGHT, SOMEONE MIGHT. INFACT YOU REBLOGGING THIS COULD STOP SOMEONE TAKING THEIR LIFE TONIGHT.

I noticed there isn’t one here for Ireland, so

Irish free suicide helpline: 01-116 123

Low-wage workers are not who you think. #Fightfor15

And even if they were teens, so what??? But yes to all of this.

I keep thinking about how henry cavill had to taper off water for like three days before shooting any shirtless scene in the witcher and how chris evans pretty much did the same thing playing cap, and honestly hearing that full-on broke any sense of attraction I've ever had for that kind of definition on a guy. I'd had no idea that's what it takes, and if that's what it takes then that's not a thing for me. Drink some fucking water, jesus christ

Everyone should know and understand this. Healthy, hydrated skin is plump and soft. If you see anyone with tons of muscle definition, it’s probably because they’re badly dehydrated to the point of needing an IV.

I write a lot about this process, known as starching, for two reasons:

-Images of starched bodies in media are used to prop up painful and impossible ideas about diet and exercise. 

-Attraction is awesome, and I want people who are attracted to men, who are finally getting to explore that, to feel confident in admiring men who are comfortable. I don’t want anyone who’s like, we only just got Chris Evans to feel like oh great, now we have to be ashamed again. It’s always more messy than that!

Discussion of restrictive diets behind the cut, ending with body- and thirst-positivity.