My Experience
I remember a few months ago. Me and this guy were talking in class, and he was talking in to me about LGBTQ. He is gay, and he is very proud of it. We had been talking about my sexuality, and he had been guessing as I hinted to not being straight. He had ran through pansexual, bisexual, homosexual. I had said no to all of them. I had gotten really nervous, as I know some people don't really take well to asexuals, but I was really hoping he would be okay. I remember saying it really quietly, and he kinda just looked at me. I remember my heart beating through my chest, I felt like I was about to cry. I didn't know what he was going to do. He made a joke, I swear I can't even remember what he said, how loud my heart was to me. He walked up to me and hugged me. I was shocked, I remember he told me, "God accepts all of his children." I really thought I was about to cry. I had told people in passing that I was asexual, but they all kinda brushed it off. When I told him, I felt a feeling I can't even describe. When he brought up God, I think that really threw me over the deep end. I live in a really conservative town, South you know, and to hear that... I was just overwhelmed
I have tried to come out to my mom, but it didn't really work. She brushed me off, saying that I'm too young to be knowing those things. She compared my situation to another person we knew. He had never been in a relationship, and my mom had brought that up. "(His name) isn't in a relationship. He hasn't dated anyone? Is he asexual too?" She had a demeaning tone when she said this. I had quietly said no. I didn't know him well enough, his situation wasn't mine. Ever since that night I haven't tried to press that situation. I feel like if I try to come out to her again, she'll just brush me down, saying "You just haven't met the right person yet." Thinking of that night always makes me sad. How even my mom didn't believe what I was trying to explain. She even outed me to other family members, telling them about that night. She outed me, in front of them, and I didn't even know what to say, and even they brushed it aside. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed.
Though my mom is tough, my younger sister saves me so much. I thank the Heavens above for my sister, every day. I say random things about random people I think would be nice to date (I am panromantic asexual). She is by far one of the most accepting family members I have. And I love her so much. I would do anything for her. She accepts me for everything I am, and she knows how I feel. If my family says something against the LGBTQ+ Community, she holds my hand. I don't say anything in fear that I'm going to get called out. But she is always there to help me, for that I am thankful.
There are still many people I haven't come out to, in fear of rejection, of hate, of abandonment. One of my closest friends has talked about certain dislikes on the LGBT community, and I always try to correct her. I'm scared that if I tell her who I really am that she'll leave me.
It is easy to come out to people you barely know, cause if you lose them, the loss isn't too great. But coming out to people you are exceptionally close with is the hardest thing. To wait and watch their responses as you tell them, it's nerve racking and a roll of the dice.
I just wanted to rant a little, and I'm not trying in any way to take away from anyone else's problems with coming out. I just wanted to share my story.
I'm still in the process of finding myself as a person. And that's all I can really recommend to people. So sorry if you wasted your time reading all of this.
Have a great day and stay healthy💜