The Omniship Armada

She’s right.

is that you @professorflimflam? 

That was the last we saw of him… 

(via)

AU where the war ends for (reasons), Fire Lord Azulon is still on the throne, and the Southern Water Tribe and the Fire Nation are struggling to broker a truce. So the Fire Nation decides that the best way to foster peace is with an arranged marriage.

Hakoda would never force any of his people to go through with this, so as the chief, he steps up and agrees to marry, no matter how much his heart still aches for Kya. Katara and Sokka are furious on their dad’s behalf, and agree to make things difficult for their future “”””step-parent”””

But Fire Lord Azulon has Ozai whispering in his ear, so the person he sends to the Southern Water Tribe is 16yo Prince Zuko. The least useful royal.

The Fire Nation ship arrives. No one had high hopes for this political marriage, but everyone is horrified when a terrified teenager steps onto the ice and introduces himself as Hakoda’s future spouse.

Zuko is quietly freaking out, but trying to hide it. Azula and other people at the palace have been whispering about how dangerous and violent and savage the Water Tribe Chief is. Hakoda seems polite, but he’s so much bigger than Zuko and the same age as his father, and Zuko has no choice but to marry him for the sake of his nation. 

Except Hakoda isn’t having any of that. There’s no way he’s marrying a scared kid the same age as his son. The deal is off. How can he keep negotiating with the Fire Lord, who sent his terrified grandson to the other side of the world to marry a man twice his age?? No fucking way.

Cue Zuko being adopted into the Water Tribe family. And who knows, maybe Katara and Sokka will take Zuko out in a canoe to work off some steam, and they’ll accidentally discover a certain frozen monk that helps them bring about real peace.

i need every single part of this, but then again, when DON’T i love every single of of captainkirkk’s ideas?

where’s muffinlance, lets get them collabing on this shit, it’d be PEAK chaos and also PEAK fluff

also peak angst but that’s a given considering its Zuko in the Southern Water Tribe, engaged to Hakoda of all people. 

Bato would lose his fucking mind over this whole situation yes hello This Is My Son Now, out of my way Hakoda you already have your own kids, this one is now OFFICIALLY MINE

Zuko sitting in an igloo screaming internally and being an awkward turtle duck and maybe screaming a little externally 

When is Uncle Iroh going to sail full steam into the ice like EXCUSE ME GET YORU HANDS OFF MY NEPHEW BUT LIKE. IN A NICE WAY? OVER TEA? DON’T GET ANY WRONG IDEAS MR CHEIF HAKODA MY DUDE HE’S STILL TECHNICALLY A GENERAL DO NOT! TOUCH! HIS NEPHEW!

i just need more brotp Iroh and Hakoda okay? they both get yelled at by their children who also give them heart attacks. oh. oh god there they go. they’re enabling each other. would you like some whiskey in that tea bc i think we’re going to NEED IT! Bato stop fucking LAUGHING they brought back aNOTHER KID? UM? EXCUSE ME??? WHERE DID YOU THREE EVEN FIND ANOTHER CHILD OUT HERE?

Ok, but looking at if from Zuko’s perspective. Because. He gets dropped off on the ice to marry the Chief of the Southern Water Tribe. Who talks long enough to confirm that they have the right person, etc. before the other Fire Nation people leave him all alone in the frozen South Pole.

…and Chief Hakoda is no longer hiding his anger so much, as he introduces Zuko to his family. Including the scowling elder “Gran-Gran,” and the Chief’s son and daughter. The son and daughter, who are close to his own age, and who are very pointedly polishing their weapons as he comes in.

And maybe he missed part of the conversation, because there are a lot of hostile eyes on him, and he was focusing hard on regulating his breathing the way Uncle taught him…

But apparently, the Chief was not happy with the fiance the Fire Nation sent, and is no longer open to Peace Talks with his Grandfather, Firelord Azulon. And apparently Zuko now “"belongs”“ to the Chief’s second-in-command. Bato.

How did he mess things up so badly so quickly?

Zuko - High kicks completely over his head regularly. Kicks through metal (with shoes) and a solid wood table (barefoot). Able to balance easily on one foot on a half broken table. Master of dual broadswords. Hops around like its nobodies business. Is practically a ninja.

Zuko… WHY DO YOU RELY SO HEAVILY ON YOUR BENDING?

Maybe the Fire Nation considers firebending the most important form of attack/defense and everything else is inferior, so as Prince of the Fire Nation he has to primarily use firebending as it is the Most Honorable™

(Also Zuko is far too powerful and if he relied on his greatest skills the series would have been over by book 1)

You’re probably right. He was probably taught that it’s all firebending and that makes me MAD.

This boy fucking shattered a likely steel (maybe iron) chain with a single kick and he could have done so much more damage.

ALSO. This puts him kicking Sokka in the head in a whole new perspective. That kick could have absolutely decimated Sokka if Zuko was trying. Like… Sokka hun when you said Zuko was no longer trying to kill you you didn’t even know that the closest you came was within 5 minutes of meeting this boy.

AU where Zuko is just 5% more unhinged

Zuko 5% unhinged could have ended that 100 year war in a few months out of sheer spite.

Zuko 5% more unhinged would’ve become firelord as soon as he recovered from the Agni Kai

Are we talking about his first Agni Kai or the final Agni Kai? Either is funny, especially with Zuko being 13 in one scenario.

I meant the first one. But now that I think about it, how funny would it be if Zuko started dismantling the war after his fight with Zhao? Like this admiral gets his as handed to him by a 16 year old who immediately declares he’s going to end the war. Word doesn’t reach the Firelord until a few days before Zuko bangs on the palace doors demanding a duel for the throne, the only catch is that fire bending is only allowed once during the duel

Actually, him doing this after any of his Agni Kai fights would be hilarious.

13 year old Zuko, now the Fire Lord and dismantling the war effort. No one can stop him. Iroh is giving vague advice and doing nothing to stop this angry tiny teenager. Nothing can be done. He’s threatened over half the generals and most of the nobility for trying to speak against him. (teenagers have no fear, he’d just bulldoze through the council)

16 year old Zuko, just having defeated Zhao and decided he’s done with the war and his father. Word might not reach Ozai until Zuko’s almost at the palace, but you bet the Gaang heard, is on there way and are going to laugh as the Fire Lord is brought down by his angry teenage son. (They may or may not offer him a ride to get him there quicker because they want to witness Ozai fail at fighting off an angsty Zuko.)

16 year old Zuko, just healed after being struck by lightning immediately standing up, walking to the generals and telling them to get their troops the fuck out of the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribe areas before he challenges them to an Agni Kai. (He knows Katara would flip on anyone dumb enough to take him up on it while injured. He’d still try and fight anyway.)

Zuko deciding after an Agni Kai that he’s just done is now my favorite thing.

Okay look, this is. The best thing. I have ever had the privilege of reading with my own eyes. And I am so tempted to write it out in a short fic.

One, I would love a fic of this and would absolutely read it. Like, would read it so many times.

Two, how dare you leave this in the tags?

#i am so close to actually trying to write out the scenario after the agni kai with Zhao#like I am SO CLOSE#Because just imagins Aang catching wind of it and running to the gaang like#Aang: Zuko’s ending the war#Katara: what? thats crazy we’re ending the war and he’s out enemy#Aang: no. no. he’s already ending the war Katara#Aang: hes almost to the firenation and he’s going to fist fight his dad#Sokka: okay… this I have to see… lets give him a ride#and so they do#they escort him to the fire nation all the while hyping him up#and then they get there and Zuko challenges him#and tells him that by his honor he is only allowed to use firebending once during the dual#and if he uses it again all that honor is gone#Ozai’s just like aight bet#and then loses when Zuko lands a swinging kick to his head and Knocks him out. the bitch is probably close to death at this point#but who the fuck knows?#not that anybody cares#Aang might care for like two seconds#but after that he’s just like#hell yeah wars over time to party

Imagine Sokka’s reaction, he’s all pumped up for the greatest (mostly) non-bending fight of the century and then Zuko nearly kills Ozai with a single kick

The same kick that Zuko used to fling him harmlessly into the snow back at the southern water tribe

Like Sokka just realizes that kick could have decimated him

The part of me that ships Zukka just reminded me that Sokka seems to have a thing for people that can kick his ass and/or are royalty and all I can imagine is Sokka staring at him in realization and in the background.

“Sokka no”

“Katara, I don’t think I get a choice.”

I had to draw it

Wonderful, absolutely wonderful.

Sokka is absolutely enamoured and nothing can stop him now.

Now. Imagine: Zuko challenging Ozai to an Agni Kai during the eclipse, tho. Like. Hahah. Yeah. Ozai would die so hard without fire at his beck and call.

This post has only gotten better with time.

I love this post with a passion

Imagine if your a grown and bitter adult and a literal child starts demanding things from you. Repercussions of not listening to Angry Child? A fight you could never hope to win. Angry teenagers are some of the scariest humans. Angry teenagers that can snap metal no problem with a kick are absolutely terrifying. Zuko would be an unstoppable political force.

Zuko just tells Katara and Sokka if they have issues to use him as a threat. He wouldn’t even ask why they’re using him as a threat. He’d show up to the Northern Water Tribe like “What’s up? I’m 16, the Fire Lord, angry, and can break metal with a single kick. Quit making their life harder.”

(Somehow in this universe they still need Toph, she’d love this version of Zuko)

Oh.

Aang finds and wants Toph as his earthbending teacher after Zuko becomes Fire Lord. Her parents won’t let her go. Aang literally pulls the “One of my friends is the actual Fire Lord and he will kick down that wall to help me make a point”. They don’t believe him? They find a busted wall, a delighted Toph, and a vaguely amused Fire Lord.

Azula always lies. 

saw this post by @heavenly-dusk and kinda went insane thinking abt it so i drew it, i hope you don’t mind! 

yall haven’t written the next chapter of ur fanfic and it really shows

Hey now.

what the hell do you think was going through zuko’s mind when he was trying to “rescue” aang from zhao and aang starts trying to collect frogs off the ground and screams about how his friends NEED to suck on those

I think about this every single day

How does Zuko interpret anything they do? He comes from a super repressed culture that doesn’t even have dances and the Gaang is out there mingling with pirates and riding giant sea monsters for fun

I bet Zuko is just like:

I keep using my girlfriend with unusual work hours to get out of coworker interactions and happy hours and hanging out.

But now the company holiday party is upon us.

And I’ve been lying about the girlfriend.

I suddenly really empathise with the characters in Hallmark Christmas movies.

I like that people have two reactions to this post.

Reasonable: “just say she couldn’t make it!”

Chaotic: FAKE DATING AU

Well, which one is it going to be?

And so it begins

having the DMV area Craigslist bookmarked has never come in handy before but now

Update, Craigslist has flagged my post as inappropriate.

Apparently you can’t solicit a date as a “gig”

I now see my mistake

Update: a date has been acquired. This is true lesbian solidarity in action.

My wife has now read this and wonders how baby gays are even meeting and mating

Can confirm I am meeting and mating just fine 😂

By the way I’m in a relationship with this woman now

This is the feedback I’ve been looking for

zuko rly thought the avatar was 100 years old, and he was still fully prepared to fucking kidnap him. imagine if that had actually gone down like zuko thought it would. you’re a fully-realized avatar and you’ve been hiding out for over a century and all of a sudden you get approached by this 13 year old kid who’s like “WHATS GOOD I’VE GOT NO DEPTH PERCEPTION AND I’M READY TO FIGHT GOD” 

IS THAT A GIF IN A GIF IN A GIF

This is officially the best thing on tumblr.

Wtf

I forgot about this and here it is again. Now i will have it forever.

i have never seen this but i am that i had because this is the best thing ever

fun game

We never hear any mention of Lu Ten’s mother, implying that I can make any headcanons I want about this, including:

That’s it that’s the post goodbye

Ok, but this leads to a series of potential follow-up headcanons:

👀👀👀👀

NICE

*Ciri at “Bring Your Dad to Class Day”*

Teacher: Ciri, can we talk about who you brought today…?

Ciri: Who, Geralt? Yeah, he’s not my birth dad but he’s my dad now. So it’s ok.

Teacher:  Yes, of course. But what about–  

Ciri: Oh, Jaskier? Well, he’s my dad too. I have two dads.

Teacher: Yes, thats absolutely fine. But why is she here?

Ciri: Yennefer? Oh well, she’s basically my mother now, and also she’s tougher than both my dads, so I thought I better bring her too.

Teacher: No, your mother is fine. Why is she here?

*Everyone turns to look at Roach, munching straw and generally being a horse in the classroom*

Ciri: Oh…. we didn’t want her to feel left out. 

.

This makes me so happy

And if you can’t find a dad

a lesbian will work just as well

I didn’t think it could get better but it got better

Gradientastic wedding gowns by artist Taylor Ann Linko