the transition im crying

they’re so happy

I love this caption because I entirely trust it, even though they look unabatedly miserable.

the worst part about being an adult is thay its no longer socially acceptable to just roll down a really big hill and then run back up it and roll back down again. "oh is this a syphilis metaphor" passerby would ask. "is this for a tick tock". no i just wanna come home covered in dirt and scratches and bask in the the solace of childlike mirth

SISYPHUS. FUCKING AUTOCORRECT.

Yoooooo!!!!

cmon child safety lid you know it's me

WHAT does this tag mean

Richard Nixon once called in staff to help him open an allergy-pill bottle. It was the childproof type of bottle, with instructions saying “Press down while turning.” The cap had teeth marks on it where Nixon had apparently tried to gnaw it open

its that time of year

it’s always why the fuck are you making a periodic table blanket and never how was the periodic cloak did you have fun wearing the periodic cloak

after 13k notes we finally have an original joke

I keep posting this because it's important people see the tricks the US Empire will pull in order to ensure the occupation of Palestine doesn't end.

When Netanyahu is removed and scapegoated for the crimes Israel has committed, his more moderate replacement will go on a media tour in order to repair Israel's image in the West and a diplomatic tour in order to restore diplomatic relations with the countries that have recalled their ambassadors or cut diplomatic ties entirely. The genocide we're witnessing will be treated like a mild mistake that will never happen again (that Palestinians have brought on themselves). More money will be allocated to Zionist groups in the West to ensure that the public doesn't turn on Israel again.

Meanwhile, Palestinians will continue to get imprisoned, tortured and killed, only now without the world paying attention (just like what happened after the 2021 war). It's our duty as people who are pro Palestine to ensure that this fails. We need to make sure they don't sweep the genocide under a rug. We need to make that Western politicians and journalists don't clean the blood off their hands in the same way we've spent 45 days countering Israeli propaganda

when the door's closed it says FIFTH-DEGREE KEBAB FAMINE, it's the name of their band

getting the house ready for the kittens arrival. i am so nervous. i haven't cared for a kitten in a decade 😳 I'm trying to imagine their tiny little selves walking around and what they might do. the house is so big compared to them. the anticipation is killing me

somehow this is pretty good advice about kittens

lou immediately found a plastic knife under the couch, so.

"A KNIFE!"

"NO!!!"

the grim reaper being armed with an enormous razor sharp scythe becomes a lot less intimidating when you understand just how common a tool scythes actually were in the pre industrial era of agriculture. it's like if we invented a personification of death called "the dark handyman" who takes souls by loosening them from the body with his wrench.

lunch break at the grim reaper factory

Whoever wrote the algorithm for generating the usernames for the current wave of spambots is a genius. I'm so mad that foreign-policy-cutie and universalfartcowboy and genital-ripoff aren't real people.

the thing about microbiology when you're NOT working in human health is that you have to make peace with the fact that a big chunk of bacteria out there were first identified, described, sequenced, and named from the human microbiome. like, specifically named in reference to where it is found on the body. even if it exists plentifully elsewhere.

and this makes sense okay but it's mildly weird when you're doing literally anything other than human medicine and you've gotta be like, "Hello! We found the bacteria Sciencename comesfromvagina growing in our fish stocks. We promise nobody dunked their cooch in the water. It's totally natural. Anyway, we discovered that it helps the fish grow, so we're going to give them more pussy bacteria."