Random Memories

Your child literally reads smut with a straight face while eating breakfast like it's the morning paper.

Ngl I was not prepared for where this was going

Me: oh okay she’s lipsynching her song

Me: Is that-

Me:

I LITERALLY had the experience of seeing Tony Hawk and going “a man” and then he picked up a skateboard and I was like “TONY HAWK???”

Tony Hawk is literally the irl equivalent of Perry the Platypus and Dr Doofenshmirtz. We see him out and about in public and we’re just like, “Oh, a man.” But then he whips out a skateboard and we all gasp and screech, “TONY THE SKATEBOARDING MAN?!”

Those tags are a big fat mood, hen

(O_O).

Sex before marriage is a sin. Unless you do it doggystyle, cause all dogs go to heaven.

Follow me for more biblical loopholes.

besties

Once again, critics are wildly put of touch with what the average moviegoer wants.

Harley Quinn in The Suicide Squad (2021)

Can't believe Peter Griffin really tried it.

Ok but I'd the second dude like...a vampire? Because my straight ass is bewitched.

[Transcript:

(the first person has text over them that says "being fat and wanting a girlfriend")

First person: "See what's behind this door..!"

(Door has text over it that says "fat girls" while The Toccata and Fugue in D minor plays in the background)

First person: "Noo, is there a bett-"

Second person: " Yo it's funny that there's an entire demographic, of petite women who love bigger men. But because you've just ousted yourself, as a cunt, it's never gonna happen for you mate. You're really out here body shaming, all these beautiful shawties, big body Bugatti (kiss noise), exquisite; but you're built like a less cool Bling Bling Boy from Johnny Test. Make it make sense mate. It doesn't- it really doesn't. Could've kept your mouth shut. But you had to say something. And you even went so far as to put it on the internet. And you thought that was a good idea because-? Please, take yourself elsewhere. Sincerely the entire fucking human race."

End transcript.]

The moment that man started speaking -

That transcript up there is great, but it fails to mention that the second person? Has a voice like... warm caramel. Like a blanket on a rainy day. Like the gentle creak of an ancient tree in an even more ancient forest. A voice that's a low, deep -- far deeper than expected -- warm, and has a soothing timbre that, honestly, I could listen to for hours.

I feel it needs to be further clarified that his voice is like warm caramel if warm caramel was still delicious but also haunted. A warm blanket knit from the fleece of an unnamed beast that roams wild lands where humans were not meant to tread. An ancient tree in a beautiful forest where you don't want to linger after dark.

Kang was here for the drama

instagram | twitter | kofi

theladynerd on IG:

Adding to the pile of "Tom Hiddleston is a gentleman and kind human being" stories, he unknowingly stopped me from an intense panic attack on set last year.

While filming Episode 4, I had a brain injury flareup. I couldn't keep focused and was forgetting everything Sophia Di Martino did in rehearsal. It got bad enough that Tom had to step in to tell me what to do and where to go. I was insanely embarrassed as I prided myself at being good at my job, yet I couldn't remember basic choreography.

As my internal anxiety was growing to panic levels, Tom suddenly took me by the shoulders and just held on for a minute with a gentle gaze. I realized later it was actually part of the scene, thus was likely just Tom being in the moment. But I like to think somehow, subconsciously he picked up on me needing comfort at that moment.

Touch is my communication style/love language and during COVID touch was especially rare. That simple hold on my shoulders and kind eyes took me down from teetering on a crying panic attack to just mild embarrassment I could then shake off and continue working.

I'll never know if Tom did it on purpose or not, but I'll always be grateful to him for it.

olny one survived

Thats his victory dance

It’s been a year and a half or so since I’ve been in a room full of people so this isn’t a recent story, but I thought about this while talking to a fellow introvert friend. Do any of you have to take breaks from social gatherings to just stand all alone in the bathroom and mentally recharge?

PEDRO PASCAL | DISNEY GALLERY: THE MANDALORIAN, MAKING OF SEASON 2

{+ bonus}

What does it take to teach a bee to use tools? A little time, a good teacher and an enticing incentive. Read more here: http://to.pbs.org/2mpRUAz

Credit: O.J. Loukola et al., Science (2017)

@clockworkrobotic

“Friend? Friend push ball? I push ball. I do good.”

Bees.  Smart enough to push a ball, not smart enough to not be fooled by a stick masquerading as a bee. 

maybe they know and they’re just being polite

Other dimensional beings are undoubtedly amazed at what human beings will accept as human beings too. “But it’s just a stick with a person on it.”

#excuse me neil but what the FUCK was that #thanks for that terrifying thought (nooby-banana)

NEIL WHY. WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT.

This turns up on my dashboard. And I read it and am impressed that someone writes exactly the post that I’d write, without actually reading the name of the person who posted it.

And then I’m puzzled at all the Neil Why’s, and realise that this was me in the Wayback Long-ago.

At least I’m consistent.

And, I should point out, we are no closer to being able to spot the extra-dimensional stick “people” who move unobserved among us.