my ghosts within

In the midst of what seems mundane lies a hidden world

Ghosts surround me, accompanying my every step

The lost, the unmet, the real, the imagined

These translucent entities haunt and console me

Wispy figments shift in and out of awareness 

Subdued whispers, their presence felt but never seen 

What may seem ordinary masks profound challenges

I push aside my ghosts who yearn to be acknowledged

Fragile mind oscillates betwixt clarity and confusion

A perpetual struggle to live in the present 

The universe is littered with daily reminders

of what once was… 

of what could have been…

of what I have lost…

of what was never mine…

of what will never be…

Every hushed whisper, every reverberating echo

My ghosts represent these fragments of my narrative

An incomplete history of distortions and illusions

Leaves me feeling incomplete

So, who am I?

What may often be overlooked carries significance to me

Unanswered questions ignite chaos within my mind

I navigate an unsolvable labyrinth of mystery

External investigations cannot unveil these buried truths

Healing lies in reconciling with my ghosts within

Dialogue with them holds the key to my liberation,

Clearing away the misty fog that clouds my perception

By forgiving the past and accepting the unknown,

I can release my ghosts from my internal world

Empowered, I can forge my own narrative,

Finally discovering who I am

diseased writing may as well be deceased

i didn’t want to be one of those writers who only writes about relationships, romance, and heartbreak. not that there is anything wrong with that, it’s just not what makes me proudest. unfortunately, here i am alive during the worst year of my life to date writing romantic tales of nonsense. out of all the tangles and drudge accumulated in my mind, romantic tales are all that leak out of the sutures. they are the easy ones for me. everything else i feel that is genuine, authentic, and deep is too temporary like dreams fading away faster than i chase them to remember. these substantial thoughts vanish before I am aware of them. pointless to pursue fleeting time, so i’ll continue to record silly love thoughts that spill through the cracks as the rest aggregates and hardens, causing blockages in my degrading mind. a foggy haze obscures my road to the future to the extent that i cannot see how long this disease will go. what if it’s forever? maybe decline doesn’t always have to end in catastrophe. anyways...

cheers to love!  cheers to hugs!  cheers to all of the above! 

scared there’s fear and the coast is not clear

that’s all

sunrise unearths

a gaping hole inside me

grappling for the edge

stranded in the past

sitting in the present

petals mulched underfoot

sticky liquor bottles

remnants of adventure

evidence of you

being here

romantic with me

last night

but no sign of you today

an unfinished song

a half-written poem

not even a whispered goodbye

just a faint echo of the lock clicking

and the memory of your back

as the sun continues rising

erasing any indication

that you and i ever existed

eisoptrophobia (fear of mirrors)

she loathed who she saw in the mirrors

an aversion so severe eisoptrophobia blossomed

the slightest glimpse of her reflection

triggered a plethora of tears welling in her eyes

detrimental to her vision but coincidentally perfect

a defense mechanisms she would’t mind keeping

a heart devoid of blue

this farewell has left my heart cracked

parched and yearning for nourishment

like a drought in a river, rock edges sharp

jabbing me relentlessly with every heart pulse

the brilliant blue tint of the sky mocks

as the blueness in my heart evaporates

bare, deserted, and meaningless is my life

the passion i once believed to flow with time

is simply a lonesome photograph of what was,

a still moment of what will never be again

komorebi

my love, my love, watch the sunlight filter through these trees where the spaces are window-wide, you will feel my love and warmth for you shining though no deviations, no blockage all my truths transpicuous you are my everything you are the one and only for me

please never let go of my hand whenever you are frightened scared you can hold me tightly notice the crisp air relax your lungs reconnect with the forest, trees, and your beliefs

i only want the best for you whenever you are lost and hurt you can tilt your chin up notice the light peer through the shadows reminder of the sunlight, skies, and your visions

my love, my love, watch the sunlight filter through these trees where the spaces are window-side, you will feel my love and warmth for you shining though no deviations, no blockage all my truths transpicuous you are my everything you are the one and only for me

we’re destined for forever together, infinite sunsets to view promise me with this kiss that you will share every night with me penetrate the mysteries of mother nature

my love, my love, watch the sunlight filter through these trees where the spaces are window-side, you will feel my love and warmth for you shining though no deviations, no blockage all my truths transpicuous you are my everything you are the one and only for me

my love, my love, watch the sunlight filter through these trees and remember my oath to you always

(photo & writing by @internalearthquake​)

seagull sorrows

blue hues

smooth views

i lost my place

up here in this space

shifting through clouds

etched upon terrains below

is the home of cries and sorrow

something tells me i’m not ready

so i keep flight

long into the night

(photo & writing by @internalearthquake​)

Song Tag!

I was tagged by the amazing @sadmorgen to list 5 songs I’ve listened to recently. This was difficult for me since I listen to music non-stop. Here are 5, each with a mini blurb. I highly suggest you take a listen!

Stranger - Dimash Qudaibergen Watch/Listen here Qudaibergen is a Kazakh singer and musician. He might objectively be the most skilled vocalist in the world at the moment. Stranger showcases his technique, range, and musicality.

Now We Are Free - Ellen Williams Watch/Listen here Williams is a Welsh soprano singer. This is one of the best renditions of this song, in my opinion. Her classically-trained voice shimmers and soars.

Le pire - GIMS Watch/Listen here, Lyrics (FR & EN) GIMS is a Congolese and French singer and songwriter. Le pire’s insightful message demonstrates his exquisite songwriting abilities.

Autumn Finds Winter - Yiruma Listen here Yiruma is a South Korean pianist and composer. This is a lesser-known piece of his but it’s one of my favorites. The blend of the piano and strings takes your breath away.

Les blues du businessman - Céline Dion version Listen here, Lyrics (FR & EN) Dion is a French Canadian singer. This song’s lyrics are relatable as an aspiring writer/artist. Beyond her powerful belting and intricate melismas, she conveys the message with the right emotions.

I’ll tag @illbeyouranchor @mysticlostdog @blackinkmess @aslice-ofpoetry @smp-writes @wysewordsblog @poppiesandpromises @followcb @instruth @mirrorworld12 and anyone else who wants to share! (note: you just have to list the songs, not write all the extra stuff I did)

Every time you rise to face a challenge and overcome an obstacle, Your eyes reflect the strength and wisdom you gained Eventually you will perceive the world through that reinforced lens, Scarcely noticing what you’re doing you once believed impossible

to be a chameleon

dreams of the suns

not overlooked

as a pedestrian

not scrutinized

like an alien

just perfect

blending in

without

disappearing

confidently insecure

i join in the conversation, ya sure want me here? don’t think i don’t notice the adjustment of gears when i reappear polite and rigid tones to my ears your internal pains wreck my brain

i admit i’ve grown insecure in my years saying “sorry” every other sentence in fear my uneasiness cure there is one thing i’m confident about though my self worth is at an all time low and i can’t help but say i’m sorry 

i turn from the party gossip, d’ya regret missed moments? don’t think i don’t notice your natural accents when i’m not present cheery and lively fun with your friends your sighs of relief kill my peace

i admit i’ve grown insecure in my years saying “sorry” every other sentence in fear my uneasiness cure there is one thing i’m confident about though my self worth is at an all time low and i can’t help but say i’m sorry 

for what i cannot control, (believe me, who i am is not the goal) for existing in your presence, (don’t worry, en route to do penance) i am sorry for bothering you please accept my apologies

tea, coffee, and bagels

do you remember the day we met? tea, coffee, and bagels? the giddiness you said you felt well, it was absent in me my perceptions have betrayed me before i vowed to avoid any chance of regret learning from mistakes is important optimism swallowed the pessimism my wide smile agreed to see you again

do you remember our first kiss? cookies, cocktails, and movies? the euphoria you said you felt well, it was absent in me my feelings take a while to process i recognized that firsts differ from nexts comfort and happiness develop hope consumed the doubt leaning in, my lips reached for yours again

do you remember our “i love you’s”? burgers, fries, and baseball? the warmth you said you felt well, it was absent in me my mind goes blank when surprised i focused on orchestrating a response how do I know I am in love? anticipation stifled the uncertainty i breathed those words into the air again 

do you remember our breakup? trees, rivers, and canoes? the confusion you said you felt well, i felt it too my heart beat as if it was injured i knew this was the mature decision losing someone in your life hurts finality defeated forever i was alone with my regret once again

life is said to be fragile but we endure so much that it makes me think that is not the case. to be able to dance between the moments that challenge our mental, emotional, and physical limits attributes to us never losing sight of the blooming flowers amongst the weeds. we open and close so many doors in our lives. for when we are nearing death, we can look back and be proud of what we have accomplished and overcome. we take chances, make mistakes, and have regrets. nonetheless, we have endured life. that’s what makes us extraordinary. each day we have a choice to lie down or get up and the majority of us choose the latter. we don’t settle. we do more than simply exist. we keep trucking with the awareness that we will encounter obstacles, resistance, and disappointments. we hold a gentle curiosity and unceasing hope that we will find a sense of peace, love, and happiness this day. that is what makes us strong. this is evidence that life is not as fragile as we believe. our bodies are strong. our minds are strong. we are strong.

an empty sparkle

sleepless nights and starless skies give the impression that everything is empty. everything is nothingness. but this is incorrect. all the times i have laid my head on my pillow at night feeling empty, the stars still shone. i would eventually fall asleep, whether it be from plain giving up or the tears between my eyelashes gluing my eyes shut. the emptiness is rampant but the stars still sparkle outside my window. Sleepless nights and starless skies, on the other hand, are special. exhilarating. extraordinary. unique. they rarely happen. i will admit i have never experienced this. therefore, i will imagine what it would be like for me. Would you like to join me? i am sitting comfortably by the window with some soft instrumentals and only my thoughts. knowing me, i begin conducting a story within my mind. intricate characters and animated worlds emerge -- ones that have never been experienced before. the magic of the story-making process and the urgency to know what happens next keeps me alert all night. my eyes peer through the window up at the solid-black sky. there is not a twinkle in sight. the silence of the night sky erases all those rancid thoughts and memories that make me feel empty. i am at peace. here, i am peace. Oh, what a unique experience this would be. it seems like an equilibrium must be maintained. lonely emptiness inside, busy night sky outside. animated existence within, blank night sky beyond. i await the latter. what about you?

———

For @writerscreed “Sleepless nights & starless skies”

confessions of a workaholic

I keep my schedule tight, rushing and bustling around documents hiking the mountain of projects on my desk nearing the four cups of caffeine resting on the edge my cortisol levels rise with the long work hours high high high, up up up  -  that’s where I go the world takes a piggyback ride as I ascend the ladder everyone’s dependence on me should have me shaking but I am sturdy, I am not scared because I am in control in this position, everything is tangible - each rung is in front I hunt for stressful situations, insert myself into the crossfires some say I am not in my right mind, but I know I am because whenever I hesitate or blink too long, I start falling lower, lower, lower, down, down down - that’s where I go there’s no one to carry, nowhere to go when I am alone the devil evaporates the cortisol that protects me leaving my brain naked and my body quaking in this position, I am not in control - that bodiless mind with no escape, the devil within plays tricks on me, reminding me of the vulnerabilities I shoved away, whispering to me the victims of my past choices, the path up and out of this canyon is miles harder for me than climbing the mountain of papers on my desk that is why I volunteer first at the battlelines I have a better chance of helping the world than blasting the devil out of my mind