ok i’m back and i’m going to try to be NORMAL and talk about my feelings. i feel unwelcome here right now. i feel like everyone hates me. i know these things are not true but that is still how i feel. but lately my anxiety has become paralyzing. i can no longer leave the condo where i live. i can’t walk down the hall without feeling shame about everything about myself. i have not left the condoin over 3 weeks. i want to be brave. i want to be confident. i love myself when i write. i love myself when i’m on this blog. i want to make this a safe space for myself, but the truth is everyone who follows me WANTS to follow me, for whatever reason they do. everyone here doesn’t hate me. you might not like my content, but if u wanted to block, u would just block. i’m here now. i’m going to be brave. i’m going to pretend i can be okay, that i can love myself, that i can love myself by loving my writing and my friends more fully. i’m here now. i’m going to try to be here a little every day. i don’t want to shut the world out anymore even if i can’t yet muster up the courage to go outside. being here will be my little baby step into being brave and going outside again.

be gentle with me, but i’m here again! and yes, this is an ask box call for me to send you something from your tag or something i make up! let’s get it going, gays, bitches, and bitches who love bitches

[finger guns] i feel like trash still but i’ma be hitting u with those asks soon

here’s the truth, how zag knew he wasn’t nyx’s child by birth/’blood’:

nyx tried. so much harder with him. even just to have him, she tried so hard to bring him into the world. nyx was hard on hypnos, who clung to her for attention and caregiving in a very human way despite all godlings being born from a childhood as an inanimate object into a full grown adult. thanatos was much better about needing attention. but she treated all her children as employees. it wasn’t quite her fault. some of her children were outright monsters. she thought she needed to be harsh to prevent having to imprison these even more powerful gods of SLEEP and DEATH. gods with important titles, necessary to the humans that seemed so strange and delirious to her, but not her children.

an important word. delirious---beautiful and wonderful and kaleidoscopic, like a hallucinogenic. sometimes humans would bring her joy. sometimes they would bring her sadness. but always a sense of confusion---humanity had no place in her own realm, of this she was most certain, and it belonged not in her children...

except for zagreus. while the furies were raised soldiers and so were her sons---zagreus was....a pet project in growing the perfect humanity. something soft and sweet. something that wanted more than the underworld, the same way his mother did, the same way they all did, but in a way she thought... that perhaps he could reach the world of his mother, and connect them all again.

she wanted him to be like persephone, and he was. and it hurt her more. and it hurt her family, too, treating him so different. it hurt zagreus---strained his relationship with his father, strained his relationship with people he would not even be able to think of as siblings because they treated him as such a burden. it would not be until he met his ‘cousins’ that he ever felt like a part of a family, except with nyx. nyx was the only one who gave with him, freely, kindly. everyone else seemed to want to withhold, and that, along with nyx’s constant tales just for him of the humans, made him ever more curious in his charming boyish butch ways.

meanwhile, her other children would hold firmer to what they thought their mother wanted them to be. less human, more their aspect. they never truly turned against zagreus, though. if anything, only jealousy, that was born out of their mother, and then out of begrudging respect for the strength of the blood god’s beating red heart.

i think i am just going to softblock literally everyone except for like 5 people i know want to rp with me and u can refollow if u want and u can also not refollow if u want! livin la vida loca (i have depression and i think everyone else hates me LOL)

NEW INTERACTION/FRIENDSHIP CALL

i no longer know who wants to interact bc i’ve been so awol i’m sorry!!!! RIP!! i will be softblocking some of the people who don’t like this call

send asks perhaps [eyes]

hey...

suite life of zack and cody meets hannah montannah meets raven au. 

my secret is that even tho i’m a wicked stan and want to kiss elphaba and glinda firmly on the lips the only lyrics that get stuck in my head from that musical are ‘nessa, listen nessa, i have something to confess-a---a reason why, well, why i asked you here tonight.’

GUESS WHO’S MOTHER FUCKING BACK!

LIKE THIS FOR A LIL SOMETHING SOMETHING IN UR INBOX! SPECIFY WHICH MUSE U WANT IF U LIKE!

i cant believe people watched the crown and made rpf blogs for it. i’m watching it and just thinking about how much the fashion sucks except for this ONE cape matt smith wears during the coronation. who cares about the crown when u can look like cruella deville

it seems the date i will be free of this moving hell is december 3rd. i will be back... to write and party... then!!!

every wlw couple in cartoons is like ‘the key to a first meeting... is murder’

except for bubbline who was like ‘the key to a first meeting... is going to a concert for a hot punk vampire girl bc ur a big homo’

three days until birth. tbh last night i was #suicidal so this month isnt going so great. i just want to be held like a small child. i can’t do this moving shit anymore. i cant do anything anymore tbh