BREAKING: the Cleveland Guardians have accidentally left Andrés Gimenéz behind while running to catch a morning flight to France. He is now alone in the house and has to defend it against two hapless burglars.

can everybody be quiet im working on my tma au where everything’s the same except theyre american now

theyre drinking big beverage and eating burger now….

this au is rapidly leaving joke territory, good luck with that 6 month coma jon i know your ass doesnt have health insurance

thsi is the most beautiful (horrible) thing ever. thank you ophi for sending this to me

@two-bit-socrates I also didn't know what Midwestern Madness was, as someone who grew up in the Midwest, but figured it checked out 🫠 knowing it's sports actually makes it funnier. Martin in full Packers gear, jersey and all, cheese wedge hat, screaming at the TV

All the "enlightened" Ivy Leaguers turning up their noses at him

Perfect

it’s not sports haha i just mean the general madness everybody born in the midwest carries within them

BREAKING: the Boston Red Sox have just been trapped in a time loop. BREAKING: the Boston Red Sox have just been trapped in a time loop. BREAKING: the Boston Red Sox have just been trapped in a time loop. BREAKING: the Boston Red Sox have just been trapped in a time loop. BREAKING: the Boston Red Sox have just been trapped in a time loop. BREAKING: the Boston Red Sox have just been trapped in a time loop. BREAKING: the Boston Red Sox have just been trapped in a time loop. BREAKING: the Boston Red Sox have just been trapped in a time loop.

this is how we grow the sport

update: let baseballers swallow bigcorp whole

fundamentally i am a petty and mean-spirited person who is also a chill, laidback guy. basically everything is cool with me except for the fact i am irritable and hold grudges. so i’m kind of a weird standoffish dude but yeah i think i’m pretty approachable and friendly

im a nap-pilled snoozecel currently sleepmaxxing and dozing off + catching z’s

I hear sburban jungle playing loudly from a roommates room 😭😭 I gotta get the fuck outta here the meteors are coming

the thing about misha collins coming out as straight that always gets me. ALWAYS gets me. is that he said it. even today in 2024 i have to read “collins made a statement that mistakenly led fans to believe he was bisexual” and then the QUOTED STATEMENT IN THE ARTICLE. is “i am bisexual”. they keep trying to tell me that’s not what he said but he did. i feel like truman in the truman show. like what the hell are you talking about who are you talking to!!!!!!!!! he said it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stop asking me if he really said this YES he fucking said it. misha collins has designed his own personal torture chamber for ME wherein he has invented and convinced NEWS CORPORATIONS (buzzfeed) and MANY PEOPLE (tumblr users) of this new rule of language where standard logic DOES NOT APPLY and it’s DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!!!!! if you ask someone if they’re happy today and they say “yes i am” you DO NOT ASSUME they mean yes i am [going to the store later] because they DONT. they mean yes i am [happy] BECAUSE THATS HOW IT WORKS!!!!!!! misha collins found some impossible way to loophole his way around the english language except it isn’t even a fucking loophole he just pointed at it and said it was a loophole and now you have a million and one people saying oh but did he actually say he was bisexual though?? and every time they do i start screaming and losing whatever grip i still have on my sanity. i’ll kill him for this

Muskox are so powerful that they have an air pocket between their brain and skull to prevent brain damage when they charge each other