sorry i cant hang out i forgot how to mimic human like behaviour

I mean if you wanna just loom in the corner like some kinda creature that's cool, we just don't want you getting left out

‘Thoth and the Chief Magician’, 1925. Evelyn Pau

I love tumblr. I fucking love tumblr. Where else am I going to find shit like this

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.

It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

this is too good to leave hidden in the replies

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY? GREATEST HITS of WESTERNS

Honestly, the gifset doesn’t do Colin’s delivery justice:

I can’t stop thinking about this.

I wonder if he was running on instinct…  I watched a man die on the subway a few years ago.  It’s more common than you think - NYC subways carry millions and millions in the course of a day.  People die and there is never a good time for it to happen to anyone. 

There was an older gentleman sitting across from me on the M train.  It was about 6:30am, so I didn’t think much of it when he started leaning over.  It was when he kept going when most people would jerk awake that about 5 of us took action.  We asked if anyone knew CPR in our car, and when we pulled into the next station, we held the doors open and shouted for a doctor (there was a firefighter on the train with us who knew CPR, because that’s how things are in NYC).  No response during CPR.  The older gentleman’s lips were turning blue. 

When the ambulance arrived, the paramedics took over and after 2 minutes of no reaction, I watched something that will always haunt my soul existentially, the way this pic does:  The paramedic yelled at this man that he had to get up because he’d be late for work.  And he got a response.  I don’t know if the older man made it, but he had a pulse when they took up the stairs to the ambulance.

We all got back on the train and heading off to work.  And I sat there completely traumatized by the fact that this man was such a slave to his job that the threat of being late to work restarted his heart.  It’s been over 10 years and I’m still not sure how or to what degree it affected me.  Only that it did.  I’m not bothered by not knowing.  Sometimes you have to let the heavy sit to understand the weight before you can put it down.

This is a fascinating story. Thank you for sharing it. That’s definitely something to think about.

A fae being stands before you.

“Every day you will receive one thousand dollars in your bank account. But every time you lift a glass to your lips to take a drink, you will hit your front teeth on the first try. Every. Time. Do you accept this deal?”

Yes. Quite easily so. You see, making deals with the Fae is down to very specific word choices. They shot themselves in the foot with their own words here while making this deal, even though they thought their word choice was so very, very clever. The Fae specifically uses the word “glass”. This, in turn, limits the person that agrees to the deal to the “hit your front teeth on the first try every time” to only be hitting their teeth on the first try every time if they drink out of a glass. If the person decides to drink out of a container that isn’t made out of glass, like, say for example… A paper cup. Or a soda can. A plastic bottle. Styrofoam cup. Yeti Tumbler. Their own hand. A bowl. Who knows, a person can get hella creative when they realize there are ways to get around the rules without actually breaking them. So. A Fae being stands before me, and offers me this deal. I smile, wide and unassuming, offer my hand to shake. “I accept this deal and all of it’s terms unconditionally.”

I was in a swing accident as a child and lost my front teeth, the ones in my head are implants. That glass is gonna WORK to hit some Mound of medical waste in Tacoma, Washington

Also like. It says lift a glass. What if you leave it on the table and use a straw? I feel like that’s a work-around if you’re like at a fancier restaurant that only uses glasses too. Which you might be a lot if you’re getting $1000 a day.

My name is Valkyrie Exodus Genesis Chicago and i have short wispy grey hair (that’s how I got my name) with grey streaks and grey tips that reaches my shoulder and wise old eyes like swagful stones

Catnip tea for the birthday babies. Malice is so normal about catnip but Vice--unsurprisingly--has a drug problem.

When I say “school should be disability accessible”, I don’t just mean we need handicap rails and EAs. Kids should be able to miss a day without failing out of school. You shouldn’t be dismissed from clubs because your attendance record is “spotty” (true story). I once missed an entire week of school because of a terrible, unending migraine. I was expected to keep up with my studies despite the blinding pain that came with working on my computer. When I heard my teachers say that you couldn’t miss exams, I asked what I would have to do to be excused from them. Their response? “Either get a doctor’s note an hour before the exam or death of an immediate family member.”

I cannot express how rigid this expectation was. First of all, with my condition, I wouldn’t have enough warning about my sickness to go to the doctor and request a note. For many people, this is exceptionally difficult, especially with the current shortage of medical professionals. Next, it ignores the fact that my schedule may not line with theirs because of my medical needs. Once, I had to visit a hospital a province away (which I was on the waiting list of for over a year) on the same day as an exam. I begged my mother not to take me because I was so nervous that I would be marked as an automatic fail. I was lucky enough to make it work, but that’s only because of my spectacular support system consisting of family members and wonderful doctors.

Disabilities aren’t always about needing a bus that can accommodate wheelchairs. It’s already difficult enough for many of us to maintain school attendance without the harsh punishments involved for skipping a day. We need to be able to miss school without being punished. Only than can you claim that the school is “accessible”

School should only ever be about grades. And I mean that in a very inclusive way. Grades should be reasonable.

But like in high school when I was dual enrolled in college I had one professor who marked me as present ALL the time when I wasn’t there, because I was raking in A’s on every assignment and the schools policy was to fail below a certain attendance. And he was like “you’re doing fantastic work. You’re understanding the material. I don’t care how often you’re not present due to your migraines and family obligations, if you’re clearly demonstrating competence in the class, you’re passing my class.”

And he made it so I got a degree even thought I would have fully failed according to the schools attendance policy.

Why the Stargate fandom can officially declare Sam/Jack canon (even though the producers forgot to mention it)

Although the relationship between Samantha Carter and Jack O'Neill has never been officially confirmed, it has been hinted at in both SG-1 and SGA, as well as in interviews with writers, producers, and cast members.

Joe Mallozzi (producer) said in this blog post

If, for some reason, you don’t think that they got together, here’s a big list of reasons why, as soon as they possibly could after the frat regs that had been keeping them apart for so long no longer affected them, they finally managed to have a proper romantic relationship, as well as some proof that was slipped in to SGA and SG-1 when they did.

I’ve tried to take my ship goggles off for this, and to only pick out moments that objectively show the relationship between Sam and Jack (and have, in doing so, had to miss a few of my favourite episodes off the list!), but despite that there’s still a hell of a lot of support for this perfect ship.

Keep reading

Absolutely loving the fact that I am playing Murderbot in our current DnD campaign and the equivalent of “the company” has cropped up in the narrative and we have to infiltrate it and the DM and I have worked up a panic attack mechanic.

Because fr I am doing corporate espionage on The Company I am of course going to be Experiencing the Symptoms™️

Forgot to mention that the moment I saw the company’s logo on a flyer in this city I immediately nat20’ed on a check to do this

To a random market booth and pull the tablecloth over my head in a very conspicuous attempt at disguise

the whump fan’s dilemma

the notes on this post really do paint a picture of the psychology of fans, don’t they

YES. YOU GET IT.

@galaxythreads you slam both these buttons so well and we all love you for it

Happy First Day of Playoffs, let’s go🎉

Every day I discover forms of art I could not have concieved of before, and suddenly I am in awe of being alive.