Avatar

Welcome to The Shitshow

@unipenguin0720

Avatar
reblogged

(Snape accidentally crashing a party)

Snape:

Draco (Absolutely blazed): This isn’t what it looks like!

(Walks over to the snacks)

Snape: A little tip about weed brownies.

Draco (accepting death):

Snape: Start off with one wait about an hour and see how you feel. Don’t eat 15 in one go because you’ll see the Devil and he’ll try to rip your heart out through you kneecaps.

(Picks up a brownie and leaves)

Draco: What the hell just happened?

Avatar
  1. Condoms are only 98% effective when used correctly.
  2. Sugar can cause infections in the vagina. This means things like chocolate sauce, honey, and lubricants with glycerin can be harmful.
  3. Having sex with an intoxicated person is legally rape in most US states, even if the person verbally consents. In the eyes of the law, drugs and alcohol impair your ability to consent to sex.
  4. Unprotected anal sex is the most dangerous sex act when it comes to spreading STIs.
  5. Not everyone can climax from oral sex or even likes oral sex. Don’t assume—ask your partner what they want!
  6. Condoms expire! Check the date on the wrapper. Also, storing them in wallets is not a good idea (see #8)
  7. If someone with a vagina has unprotected anal sex, semen can drip down into the vagina and pose a (slight, but still real) risk for pregnancy.
  8. Do not keep condoms in your wallet. The friction and heat exposure of keeping them there can make them ineffective. Keep them somewhere cool, dry, and out of sunlight.
  9. You should be tested for STIs with each new partner you have. Annual appointments are not enough protection if you have multiple partners in that time.
  10. Having anal sex does not lead to a gaping asshole unless your partner is literally an elephant.
  11. Sex with elephants is illegal. Don’t do that.
  12. Masturbating while wearing a condom can help people with penises get used to wearing them before sex.
  13. Penis size does not define your worth. It is not the be-all, end-all factor for most people.
  14. In fact, lots of people with large penises have trouble having sex without hurting their partner since the average vagina size is 6”-8” when aroused (it’s only 3”-4” when not aroused!).
  15. Your first time will almost definitely not be your best time. That’s okay, I promise.
  16. Herpes and pubic lice can still infect you if a condom is used if testicles come in contact with a vuvla.
  17. Only one out of three people can orgasm from receiving vaginal penetration alone. You’re not broken.
  18. People with penises can orgasm without ejaculating.
  19. The muscles in a vagina can be abnormally tense and cause intense pain when penetrated with a toy, penis, or tampon. This is called vaginismus and treatment for this includes relaxation therapy and using medical rods to help the muscles relax.
  20. The number of sexual partners you have does not define you. This rule applies to all genders.
  21. A diet of lots of dairy and meat can cause ejaculate to taste bad. Fruits that are very sweet (like pineapple) help combat this for some people. However, due to body chemistry, medications, and other factors, it might not always do the trick.
  22. Dental dams make oral sex with someone with a vulva safer. They are thin sheets of latex and can be home-made by cutting the ends off a condom and slitting it lengthwise to make a alternative option if you don’t have access to dental dams.
  23. The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings in it. That’s twice that of a penis! So, go gently until encouraged to do otherwise.
  24. Sex does not have to stop when someone ejaculates. Remove any condoms or clean up any mess, and keep going until everyone is satisfied!
  25. Communication is the number one factor to a better, healthier sex life.
  26. The hymen is not a bone, and does not break. It is a membrane layer that stretches. It can tear, which can lead to pain and bleeding. However, sex for the first time (or ever!) should never hurt. Go slower and focus on foreplay to increase natural lubrication.
  27. Sexuality is fluid for a lot of people. Don’t worry about labels until you’re sure in your sexual and romantic interests. Explore freely and worry about terms later.
  28. Orgasms release hormones that are natural pain-killers. This is why some menstruating people masturbate when they have cramps, because the body naturally reduces pain after an orgasm.
  29. The hormones released also account for why some people cry or get very emotional after an intense orgasm. It’s totally normal.
  30. There are limitless kinks in the world and so long as they are safe and consensual, there is nothing wrong with them.
  31. Medications and mental health disorders can mess with your sex drive. Talk to your doctor if your sex drive has suddenly increased or decreased after starting a medication—there may be alternatives.
  32. There is nothing “un-manly” or “gay” about enjoying anal play. Most men who try anal enjoy a little sensation in that area. People with penises also have a p-spot (prostate) and can have intense orgasms through anal penetration.
  33. Always use lubrication generously to avoid vaginal or anal tearing.
  34. Urinating after sex can reduce the risk of a UTI in people with vaginas.
  35. Enjoying casual sex does not make you a bad person if you are up-front with your intentions and don’t maliciously seek to hurt others.
  36. Condoms come in multiple sizes! It should never be loose or painfully tight.
  37. Being sex-positive does not mean that everyone needs to enjoy sex. It simply promotes the happiness and sexual exploration (or non-exploration) of others.
  38. Porn is not an educational guide to sex.
  39. Certain positions feel better than others. Switch it up and find out what works for you and your partner(s).
  40. Condoms are more likely to break if you don’t leave a reservoir tip for ejaculate.
  41. Labia are often asymmetrical. Your long/uneven/poofy/dark labia are beautiful and there is nothing wrong with your body.
  42. Up to 80% of people with a vagina can squirt with either g-spot or clitoral stimulation.
  43. Drug store pregnancy tests are just as effective as brand name ones. In some cases, they’re even MORE effective.
  44. Elevating your butt with pillows can make missionary sex easier for those of us with a big tummy or thick thighs.
  45. Plan B does not work on people over a certain weight (160-175lbs).
  46. There are safe alternatives to condoms or oral contraceptives. Talk to your doctor about your options.
  47. Sex toys can open up a whole new world to folks willing to explore.
  48. Orgasms can be highly psychological. Most people can’t climax when they’re upset or distracted.
  49. Birth control can cause people to miss periods or spot in between periods.
  50. Sex doesn’t have to be gentle if you don’t want it to be. There are healthy ways to explore rough sex or BDSM.

xx SF

more articles in the Library For Kinksters.

I’m glad this came up

Do not keep condoms in your wallet. The friction and heat exposure of keeping them there can make them ineffective. Keep them somewhere cool, dry, and out of sunlight.

However, if you want to carry condoms on you for that “just in case” situation, I highly recommend you get you one (or several) of these.  They’re carrying cases for condoms.  They tend to hold 2-3 condoms, and you CAN keep them in your pocket or purse.  The condoms will be protected from wearing down to body heat or accidentally getting punctured by keys or anything else in your pockets or purse.  

And if you want a really posh non-plastic one: 

You might even be able to check with your local Planned Parenthood, County Health Department, or HIV/AIDS foundation to see if they have any for free.  Back when I was in my college’s GSA, we got boxes of these to prep full of condoms and hand them and condoms out at different events.  Don’t be stupid with your condoms.  

Avatar
Avatar
stcrlghts

latin phrases worth knowing:

(in case you wanted to know because i fucking love this language) 

  • ad astra per aspera - to the stars through difficulties 
  • alis volat propriis - he flies by his own wings 
  • amantium irae amoris integratio est - the quarrels of lovers are the renewal of love 
  • ars longa, vita brevis - art is long, life is short 
  • aut insanity homo, aut versus facit - the fellow is either mad or he is composing verses 
  • dum spiro spero - while I breathe, I hope 
  • ense petit placidam sub libertate quietem - with the sword, she seeks peace under liberty 
  • exigo a me non ut optimus par sim sed ut malis melior - I require myself not to be equal to the best, but to be better than the bad
  • experiential docet - experience teaches 
  • helluo librorum - a glutton for books (bookworm) 
  • in libras libertas - in books, freedom 
  • littera scripta manet - the written letter lasts 
  • mens regnum bona possidet - an honest heart is a kingdom in itself 
  • mirabile dictu - wonderful to say 
  • nullus est liber tam malus ut non aliqua parte prosit - there is no book so bad that it is not profitable in some part 
  • omnia iam fient quae posse negabam - everything which I used to say could not happen, will happen now 
  • poeta nascitur, non fit - the poet is born, not made 
  • qui dedit benificium taceat; narrat qui accepit - let him who has done a good deed be silent; let him who has received it tell it 
  • saepe ne utile quidem est scire quid futurum sit - often, it is not advantageous to know what will be 
  • sedit qui timuit ne non succederet - he who feared he would not succeed sat still 
  • si vis pacem, para bellum - if you want peace, prepare for war 
  • struit insidias lacrimis cum feminia plorat - when a woman weeps, she is setting traps with her tears 
  • sub rosa - under the rose 
  • trahimir omnes laudis studio - we are led on by our eagerness for praise
  • urbem latericium invenit, marmoream reliquit - he found the city a city of bricks; he left it a city of marble 
  • ut incepit fidelis sic permanet - as loyal as she began, so she remains
Avatar
reblogged
dentist: open up, please
reid: sometimes I get sad
Avatar

I saw everyone on twitter tearing Emma Watson apart for saying she’s self - partnered instead of single and decided to watch her interview for British Vogue to know what the hell was she trying to say with that. I was very surprised to find a 30 minute video in which amongst other things she talks about the following:

  • She felt undeserving when she was appointed as UN Women goodwill ambassador and sought out Gloria Steinem to learn about feminist activism.
  • She thinks the criticism she received for being a white feminist was useful because it made her educate herself.
  • She says there’s a desperate need to reform the education system in the UK to change the way they are taught the history of how Britain has been involved in foreign affairs and how they profited from slavery.
  • She felt anxious about approaching 30 because there’s a lot of pressure to have a husband and a baby by then and she’s still figuring her life out.
  • She was so young when she was casted in Harry Potter that she doesn’t remember much of her life before it and she went to therapy to deal with her issues with fame. She used to feel very guilty for being unhappy because she thought she should enjoy fame more.
  • The interviewer is a transgender woman and they discuss transgender issues for a while. Emma is in regular contact with a trans child which makes the topic of trans rights emotional for her because she’s very anxious for this kid’s safety.
  • She talks about her role as Meg March in the new Little Women movie and defends that unlike what many people say choosing to be a wife and a mother doesn’t make Meg a less feminist character and quotes a line from the movie, “Just because my dreams are different than yours it doesn’t mean they are unimportant.”  
  • She wishes more people would realize she’s not Hermione Granger but also understands why they want to see that in her because Hermione is a symbol for her too.
  • She used to think she could never be happy without a partner and now that she has learnt to navigate that better and is genuinely happy single she’s started to think of herself as self - partnered in contrast to the time when she thought of herself as single = lonely.

Every media outlet decided to focus in an out of context quote from the three minutes she talked about her dating life when the actual interview had a lot of depth and way more important things were discussed. I’m sad and angry but not surprised.

Avatar
Avatar
beauxbxtons
ImageImage

Something I’ve never noticed before:

Snape not only deflects McGonagall’s attack but uses it to take down Alecto and Amycus in a single armwave behind his visual field. Like they both had their wands out too but BOY they did not see that coming. Snape knew that he needed to get rid of them before being driven out of the castle so that they wouldn’t harm any of the students GOD what a badass motherfucker 

I can’t

I think everyone’s been so focused on hating/defending Snape, that we forget just what a motherfucking GENIUS he was (which honestly explains most of his whole attitude). The man literally rewrote the best textbook on potion making written in over a century WHEN HE WAS FUCKING 16 YEARS OLD.

Could you imagine going to your AP Chem teacher when you were in 10th grade and going “nah man, your way is ok I guess but there’s like 5 other ways to perform this titration faster and more accurately.” Because that’s pretty much what he did with the notes in HBP.

So it should be no surprise that someone of that level of intellect, who was bullied and harassed from the time their ability presented, would be a goddamn MASTER in duel-combat. You can bet your ass he’d studied that almost more than anything else. He was a master Occlumens (mental self defense and evasion), a master of Potions, a master of any and all forms of strategy, defense, combat, etc, BECAUSE HE FELT LIKE HE HAD TO BE JUST TO STAY SAFE. Why else would a flaming 16 year old come up with something like Sectumsempra? It’s def not a Potion! It’s a self defense spell of last resort. It’s fucking LETHAL. So we can assume he was heavy into combat spells and practice by that point, and given his intellect, would have had virtually unrestricted access to any books on any subject he wanted.

Love him or hate him, Snape was one HELL of a beautifully complex character, with just enough spelled out to keep us filling in the blanks for years.

I saw this post a few years ago on Instagram and IT’S BACK

You are using an unsupported browser and things might not work as intended. Please make sure you're using the latest version of Chrome, Firefox, Safari, or Edge.