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leave me blurry and fall toward me

@judydreamer

lucy cameron | any pronouns | never been to wichita but I think I know how the lineman felt
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judydreamer

court case probably not until 2025. would like to get married and have baby. difficult

okay I have solved this problem it is if no referral for charging decision by end of November (two years since police report) I will simply tell the police not to bother. and then get married and have baby

we are all going forward. none of us are going back. etc etc

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judydreamer

court case probably not until 2025. would like to get married and have baby. difficult

okay I have solved this problem it is if no referral for charging decision by end of November (two years since police report) I will simply tell the police not to bother. and then get married and have baby

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since getting an iPhone i have been tracking my sleep (just hours asleep i do not have the tech to go into any more detail) and i am typically sleeping between 5h and 6h30 a night but in 3ish hour chunks. bad

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remembering that there was a solid 15 year period of my life where I was deathly afraid of films. not just horror films. not just films about other things I was afraid of. almost all films (about ten were safe). couldn't be in the room if a film was on without crying. made excuses to not go to the cinema. bunked off classes where we would be watching a film instead of doing work. and then one day in my early 20s I was just like huh why am I actually scared of films they're just like a long tv show. instantly cured. what was that all about

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judydreamer

pretrial counselling! for my me! very soon!

this is going far better than expected actually! counselling has historically not worked especially well for me because, in all honesty, I had not particularly wanted to change, only felt that I should be trying to. but now with a concrete issue to focus on I kind of get why people say it helps them

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judydreamer

my mum's brother, my uncle, we'll call him aron, is a good man. he has always treated me like a person. even when most of the rest of my family weren't really equipped to treat me like a person. he is also severely mentally ill and an addict. he has been those things for as long as I can remember but now all my grandparents are dead he is worse. my parents and his children don't like him that much - they would say they love him and that might be true but they don't like him - and I can see why but honestly sometimes you just click with someone and I really like him. I want to reach out to him not because I think I can stop him being mentally ill or drinking too much or using too many drugs but just because I like him, I've always liked him, I'm not sure if he knows I like him, and it's nice knowing people like you and spending time with people who like you. but I live 200 miles away and I've never spoken to him directly in my life and he'd probably think my mum had put me up to it. but honestly I'm not sure he has that many years left and I don't want him to die thinking that nobody in his family likes him.

he died a week ago, I never reached out to him but it looks that he died relatively suddenly and without time to suffer or be afraid. he was a fan of star wars, oasis, liverpool football club, and his two children, despite everything. I will miss him, though I still haven't worked out if I regret not being closer to him

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