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The dust under the bed

@paranoidwino

She / Chronically late / Answering as soon as she's ready to post. Whoops.

For a second I didn’t realize it meant “high” as in a stoner--I thought “High Geologist” was like a rank of geologist or something and he was insulted you would challenge him to naming stones

great poast every one👍

I have drawn him.... The High Geologist

Can’t believe he’s ace

He is now And here’s the photo evidence:

the high geologist has ascended

every time i see this post it gets.... better? but also weirder.

People being like "why is Ken just Ken" and thinking it's a gimmick for girl bossing Barbie clearly never watched Barbie Life in the Dream House because if they had they'd know that Ken is a very smart and capable guy but chooses to dedicate his life to Barbie because he loves her. He literally has a sixth sense for if Barbie is unhappy or needs something and will drop everything to help/cheer her up. Ken chooses not to pursue careers like Barbie does because it would interrupt his Barbie time. Ken is a self imposed trophy husband and I won't let people question his decision!

{Kermit the Frog, 1955; Ken doll, 1961}

And Galavant is a good parody because it recognises the good in the genre! It recognises how we want the hero to win! We want the knight and the princess to get married and be able to settle by the sea! We want so bad for the lizard to actually be a dragon! We want the world to be fair and just and a little magical and heroic! And then it gives us all those endings we want because they're good things to wish for, and the value of the genre is in large part that it gives them to us

A thing that bothers me about wizard schools in popular media – outside of the magic-grade-school stuff, anyway – is that they're typically depicted as being basically magic universities, but their actual curricula and pedagogical approaches look much more like those of a technical institution. Like, buddy, that's not a wizard university, that's a wizard trade school. You can't just slap university student culture on top of trade school pedagogy. It doesn't work like that – the one emerges from the other!

"Well ACTUALLY wizards are" wizards are made up. They can be analogous to whatever real-world class or vocation the author wants. Wizard-school-as-university and wizard-school-as-technical-institute are both perfectly fine; what I am grumping about is wizard-school media that doesn't seem to have a clear picture of how different sorts of educational institutions actually operate.

Okay but now I really want to know what a Wizard technician would look like. Would he wear magical overalls with all kinds of reagents and magic tools sticking out of his numerous pockets?

A guy like that walks into your tower with a toothpick in his mouth, takes one look at your summoning circle and goes

“I see yer problem. You used chalk B12 instead of S3. B12 is only for transmutation circles. Gimme a sec I think I have a piece somewhere here.”

He fixes your circle, test summons an imp and goes.

“There ya go. Fit as a fiddle.”

“It’s the chalk.”

“The chalk? I always use that chalk, it’s never been a problem.”

“Ah - yes. This stuff will work just fine for most circles, but, uh - here, take a look with my loupe. You see the off-color flecks? Can’t hardly see them with the naked eye, but those are impurities. Silicates, might even be some iron in here, to be honest. Usually won’t cause a problem, but - you said you hadn’t tried this particular summons before?”

“First time trying a 5th level, yeah.”

“Those silicates will make your scribing a little fuzzy when viewed from the astral plane. You see, for example, these three fine lines here? With this chalk, on the astral that looks like one thick line with fuzzy edges. They can’t tell exactly what you want, and they’re picky lil’ critters so they just won’t do anything in response.”

“Really? Oh. I always thought the expensive chalk was just fancy to be fancy.”

“Making pure chalk is difficult, you need a dedicated production line or dust gets in the finished product. To be honest, you don’t need to bother with it for most things, but 5th and up, 5th level and up, it actually is necessary. Anything with lines within about two millimeters of each other.”

“So I need to start over?”

“Unfortunately yes. You’ll have to erase all this, but with some good chalk it should work just fine. Next new moon your summons should go off without a hitch.”

“Dang. At least it’s not my sigils, I was worried it was my sigils.”

“Nah Your sigils look good. Even and balanced. You know what you’re doing, it’s just an equipment problem.”

“Thanks for the help, sorry to make you come all the way out here.”

“No problem! It’s my job.”

ROUND 1: GILGAMESH (the epic of gilgamesh) VS SCRATCH (ice age)

@headspace-hotel time to do propaganda

Is Scrat canonically bisexual and part of a world-shaking gay love saga so enduring it's the oldest known work of written literature? No. Is Scrat known as "He Who Saw the Abyss?" No. Did Scrat build the great walls of Uruk? No. Does Scrat wield a sword that weighs 120 pounds? No. Did Scrat commit so many atrocities it required the gods to build a gay soulmate for him to keep him occupied? No. I rest my case.

actually that last one definitely happened with scrat. it was his acorn.

How is the acorn gay

When I say Gilgamesh and Enkidu are canonically gay for each other, I don't mean "oh the text says they love each other and [untranslatable] so that means they're obviously gay" I mean "there are real ancient Sumerian poems where it is made 100% clear that Gilgamesh and Enkidu Had Sex"

Gilgamesh literally is The Character Of All Time. He's been mankind's blorbo for well over 4 millennia. He invented homoeroticism. All y'all are just illiterate

I fell the need to put this here, even if it's in spanish, i think everyone loves musicals, so...

From Pascu y Rodri, a very popular youtube channel in hispanic media, it's an animation, enjoy.

OMG I LOST THIS VIDEO FOREVER AND HERE IT IS AGAIN

reminding you all again to vote gilgamesh

everyone is saying "okay but voting scratch is funnier" Is it though

is the world really such a terrible place? yesterday i asked if oat milk was extra and the barista said yes so i said ok just regular milk then and when she gave me my chai latte she whispered “i used oat milk ;)” doesnt that make u want to live another day?

here is my life philosophy: next week there might be someone ahead of you in line at the store who’s short a quarter and you have a quarter and you can give it to them. if you weren’t there, they’d have to put something back. the week after that you could be getting lunch and the waiter might ask if you want some pancakes someone else ordered and never picked up. you could find someone’s lost cat. you could watch someone’s bag while they go to the restroom. there are so many ways you are going to touch other people’s lives and they are going to touch yours and there’s no way to know when it’s going to happen. so you have to keep living!!! i wouldn’t want to die knowing that tomorrow the barista will give me free oat milk just to be nice. 

When I was 11 years old - we went to Sea World for my birthday. This was to avoid the realization I had no friends, and no one to come to a birthday party and probably because someone gave my mother free tickets at work. It was kinda a shitty day despite being at a theme park full of cute animals. There was a new roller coaster there that had just opened so we decided to go on. I was nervous. I’d never been on a roller coaster.

A group of 6 college kids were ahead of us in line and started chatting with me. Full on just having a fun conversation with someone literally going through the beginning of a very awkward middle school period. I was so shocked they wanted to talk to me. I think my mom mentioned it was my birthday. They were very nice about it. When we got on the ride they told us to go ahead of them so we could sit at the front of the car since it held 8 people.

Now the ride (called Journey to Atlantis - I believe it is sadly no longer there) started with a slow ride of beautiful visuals of dolphins and oceans and computerized images of this imaginary Atlantis before going up the hill to the beginning of the coaster, where it paused for about 30 seconds, and then the ride started. The college kids must have known there would be a pause. Maybe they’d ridden it before I’m not sure.

But as we sat there on that peak, 6 people I’ve never known, and will never know again, sang a very very lonely 11 year old happy birthday. Loudly. And with gusto. They were happy and laughing and joyful. And it made me feel less alone in the world.

I am 29 years old this year, and I still remember them. I still remember that kindness. It is so important. It doesn’t go into a vacuum. It exists beside me in my daily life. And I love the idea that I have been that person to someone else too.

It’s stunningly lovely to be human when we’re kind to each other.

OH THIS CAN’T BE LEFT IN THE NOTES

The Arctic Fox Research Center in Iceland put cameras in some bird colonies to see if foxes were stealing eggs/chicks

and turns out the foxes were UNJUSTLY ACCUSED

the culprits were horses

HEY THIS IS BAD

My grandfather grew up on a farm in Kansas during the Dust Bowl. He and his brother shared a horse named Patches, which they rode to school each day. Despite being poor as shit and not having quite enough to feed their animals, his family noticed that this horse looked great. His coat was unusually glossy and beautiful all of a sudden - he looked healthier than they did. 

The mystery was solved when my grandfather went into the chicken coop to collect eggs, and saw Patches lifting the window cover, pushing his muzzle underneath the hens, and eating the eggs right out of their nests. 

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politeq

Horses have been known to also eat meat.

1) The BBC filmed horses eating fish on a beach of an English Island.

2) In Iceland pastured horses are provided, salted fish as a protein and mineral/salt supplement.

3) Horses have been known to consume raw meat and blood willingly in Arabia, New Zealand, and United States.

4) Lord Chamberlain of Bhutan confirmed that the 40 kings horses routinely received a special meal of Tiger fat and still feed their horses beef, and yak meat.

5) There was an American gelding in 1958 that routinely hunted and killed and even consumed small birds. He also repeatedly attacked humans. He was known as “Freight Train”.

6) Lisette a French mare, killed and consumed a Russian Officer during the Napoleonic Campaign.

Horses are now literally the most terrifying shit what the f u c k

I love how that list goes “fish, fish, opportunistic and pre-prepared meat, small birds, A WHOLE RUSSIAN OFFICER”

Starting a new thread of insane shit I over hear my husband say to our toddler.

  1. “Here, will this rice cake cracker sate your dark passanger?”

2. “Come now my child.”

*bluey the album starts playing*

3. “Oh I am so sorry. You’ve been mildly inconvenienced. How dare I truly”

4. “It is she! Her Majesty, Queen of the Sludge, Keeper of Goo, DJ Baby P (In the House) Dropper of Beats and Clapper of Hands”

5. He is in charge of bathtime and he lifted the ghoul tonight while singing “come with me and you’ll be in a world of baby sanitation” and I laughed so hard I snorted pasta

6. Okay this is more one that he said to me about the toddler but he was home with her while I was at work and I just got this text

7.

“Happy Independence Day Sweetie! Nationalism is a cancer!”

8. This is another one he said to me about her but still it made me laugh so hard I nearly choked

9.

*Penny babbling in the back seat, many la la las coming from her car seat*

“Are you singing us a song? Ah yes the dulcet tones of goblin”

10.

“Listen kid, I can’t let you have the cup anymore because you keep chugging the bath water, so we just have to remove the cup from the equation.”

11.

*penny is screaming, trying to climb back up a big slide at the playground*

“Someday you’ll learn about ,I don’t know physics and the myth of Sisyphus ,and you’ll start making a lot of connections I think. “

12. *Pen is still screaming and baby cussing about not being able to climb back up the slide*

“The problem is that you set goals for yourself that are unattainable by both man and baby.”

actually the most significant difference between fanfiction and Serious Literature is by and large the latter is written by people whose life circumstances aligned such that they had at least the bare minimum of time and energy needed to write a novel, whereas fic authors will upload an equivalent amount of words in a single chapter update between the ceremony and reception on their wedding day because an earthquake hit and they “had some free time” while the search and rescue team was digging them out of the collapsed church

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tomhiddlestunned-blog
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laineybot

IT LOOKS LIKE LOKI IS VACUUMING THE FLOOR

IT’S HURTS TO LAUGH, I’VE BEEN LITERALLY LAUGHING AT THIS FOR 10 MINUTES STRAIGHT
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mon-hiddlestoneans

Damn you. Now this is ruined for good!

SNORT

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