bittersweet.

After reading Luca a bedtime story, Danielle planted a kiss atop her little boy’s head and tucked him in. Jamie entered shortly after to say the rest of their goodnights, and sing him a lullaby – a few times through, usually – while Dani made her way back downstairs to finish up with cleaning the kitchen and picking up stray toys. Luckily, once Luca was asleep, he was generally out for the entire night. It often took him a while to get to that point, but when he was conked out, not even a semi-truck could wake him up.

When the downstairs was in prime condition, Danielle poured herself and Jamie another glass of red wine and carried them to the living room. Sinking down into the comfortable couch, she didn’t venture to turn on the television, remembering how Jamie had mentioned something about taking a bath, and waited for them to return to her.

Sipping at her wine, Danielle scrolled through her news application on her silver iPhone 7, until she heard Jamie bound downstairs on small, quiet feet. Looking up, the blonde’s phone made the locking noise as she set it down on the coffee table by her wine glass, and waited to be joined by her spouse. “Sometimes it feels that way, doesn’t it?” Dani chuckled, unsure how such a tiny kid could hold so much energy.

Upon extending their arms toward her, Danielle smirked, wrapping her own around their middle and pulling them into her lap, cradling them against her chest. Most nights, Danielle tried her best to make room for this intimate time with her spouse, knowing that they needed to keep the connection alive, even when things were hectic with work and Luca. She stroked up and down Jamie’s back, even venturing beneath their shirt after a few moments to remove the annoyance of the barrier between their skin. “Or maybe it’s the other way around,” Danielle theorized softly, kissing Jamie’s forehead. While Luca loved both his parents, there would always be that initial connection that he and Jamie had formed way back in the hospital immediately after his birth. Dani had never minded that; in fact, she loved it. She loved seeing Jamie thrive as a parent – it was what they were made for. “You’re so good with him,” she marveled aloud at their skill, growing in her pride every day that Jamie was whom she had chosen to parent with. It always made her wonder what the addition of another child to the family might look like.

Jamie sighed softly once they were situated in their favorite position that managed to provide the ultimate comfort. When they were wrapped up in Danielle’s arms, their head on her chest to listen to her heartbeat and feel the warmth of her body heat up their own. As much as they loved their son, and they loved spending a ridiculous amount of time with him, there was just something about this intimacy between them they couldn’t get enough of. They also strongly believed that this was what a relationship needed to keep going despite the stress of a family, no matter how small or big. And they dearly hoped they’d manage to keep going like this forever.

do you ever realize that a year goes by in the blink of an eye? one of my favorite photos of my favorite little big boy who turned two already <3 – with @d-milestone

Danielle didn’t like upsetting Amelia – it was the worst thing she could do. But she really had no other option here. Even if it wasn’t today or tomorrow or the next day, Amelia would eventually find out what happened to her. How could she not, when Danielle had a huge gaping wound in her shoulder? It was inevitable, and Dani wasn’t the type to push things off or procrastinate. 

“Yeah…” She finally responded as the brunette took in the injury. The only reason she had shown it was because she knew Amelia was used to looking at bodily injuries due to their major. But after a moment, the blonde moved the tape back in place so that she could keep the area more sterilized, since it was still very much in the process of healing. 

When she was finished, she turned back to the younger brunette in front of her and wasn’t sure what to say either. She wasn’t good with words, and Dani knew that nothing she said could really make up for the fact that not only had she put her life in danger, but she also hadn’t let her girlfriend know about it until a week and a half after the fact. Reaching forward, she placed her hand against Amelia’s thigh as a sort of symbolic gesture that she was still there – she was alive. “I’m sorry…”

Sera nodded, but couldn’t say anything for a couple of seconds when the seriousness of it all dawned on her again and left a burning pit in her stomach. It was terrible to think this could’ve happened to someone she loved. “It’s awaful,” she mumbled and left it at that. “Nice to meet you too, Jamie. I’m glad I’m not alone in all of this today, so thank you.”

“True. We could be old, full stop. Oh wait… I am there already. Never mind that then.”

Dani knew that she was drawing out the inevitable – and, in the process, drawing out Amelia’s anxieties. She didn’t mean to, but she also didn’t want to jump straight to scaring them with the reality of her job, either. Sometimes it seemed like Danielle was invincible; or maybe that combat wasn’t as bad as they portrayed it to be in movies. Civilians had never seen the battlefront up close, so all they were left with was imagination when it came to what soldiers experienced on a daily basis, and sometimes Danielle wondered what it was that Amelia thought it to be like. 

After passing her an unopened bottle of water, Danielle sunk into the mattress with a sigh, taking in the worry in Amelia’s voice, and wondering how she was going to go about this. Should she ease into it? Start out with the facts of military injury and go from there? Or should she skip speaking altogether and go straight to showing her the gaping bullet wound in her shoulder – so close to her heart. Sure, it might frighten her with the latter, but Danielle had never been one to sugarcoat things. She was an incredibly blunt person, so the fact that she had held off this long in telling her girlfriend about her shooting had been a feat in itself.

Feeling the hand at her thigh, Danielle exhaled, setting her water bottle off to the side on the bed and straightening up as much as she could. Steeling herself for the pain with the range of arm movement, Danielle gripped the bottom of her v-neck with one hand and attempted to discard the fabric over her head, without moving her injured shoulder. When she had completed the task, Danielle sat in her sports bra, a large, white gauze packaging and taping extending over the majority of her broad left shoulder. Reaching up with her right hand to the area of her clavicle, she gently pulled at the medical tape until the binding opened up, and then she tore the rest of the way to reveal a large expanse of stitching, bleeding, and swollen black and blue skin. 

“I, uh…” Danielle muttered, barely above a whisper, her head turned to look at the injury that very easily could have claimed her life, before eventually meeting Amelia’s eyes. “This is why i’m here.”

“Yeah. I never feel older than when choosing my morning coffee.” Nate laughed. “I mean, there’s not much I can do about that. It’s nature.”

“Yeah, exactly? I think that’s what makes it even harder to understand… That it happened right here, so close to everyone we love.” She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair to just keep them busy. At least it wasn’t just her who was thinking these things — as absurd as it was, it was nice to know she wasn’t alone. “Oh, you don’t have to thank me,” she said and smiled. “It’s nice to have some company. I’m Sera, by the way.”

“That it probably could have happened to the ones we love.” Jamie agreed with a soft sigh, shaking their head just thinking about it -- it sent chills of fear down their spine. “You’re right, company’s always good.” They admitted with a small smile on their lips. “Jamie. Nice to meet you, Sera.”

Dani giggled as Luca squirmed in her arms, trying to break free so that he could continue his naked tirade through their home. Unfortunately for him, the grown-ups had won, and his reign was over. Handing the toddler over to her spouse when Jamie claimed their prize, she turned her head as the brunette leaned in and captured their lips in her own small victory. It was the domestic, loving moments like this that truly brought happiness and peace to Danielle’s heart – the two most important people in her life playing around, laughing, and stress-free.

“No problem. It’s small and easy to lose,” the veteran winked at Jamie after they transferred Luca’s now towel-clothed body between them. Dani nodded as the other declared that they’d both be downstairs in a minute, and then turned to exit Luca’s room. Making her way back to the kitchen, Danielle went to the pantry to open Patriot’s food bag – which the German shepherd easily heard all the way from upstairs and bounded down for dinner – and scooped some dog food into his bowl so that he could eat with the rest of the family. By the time she was finished, the other half of her family had joined her at the dinner table.

Rolling her shoulders, Danielle noticed how tense she was from the long day at work; the murders weren’t exactly unbearable to handle yet, but they were causing a strain on the department, as well as the citizens of Atlanta. That bath that Jamie had mentioned was sounding better and better by the moment. “Bone apple tit,” Danielle joked with mispronunciation when Jamie claimed that the dinner smelled amazing. The blonde knew that she was no chef – as she just knew basic recipes – but they both liked to tease about how they needed to take a cooking class. 

Jamie pulled the door shut behind them as slowly and quietly as possible. Usually, Luca felt right asleep after dinner -- he was the kind of boy who needed way too much energy to digest; not that Jamie minded, it was actually great to have an easy time with putting him to bed. However, tonight it just wouldn’t go so well. After having to go through a second washing routine because he put his food anywhere but into his mouth, he kept escaping Jamie and ran around the house, chased by Patriot, and usually caught by Danielle. He wanted to go back to the playground and wouldn’t have his parents nos. 

As the two disconnected, Amelia lessened a couple inches as she sank down to flat feet, making Danielle smile at their clear size difference. After months of being surrounded by strong, muscular, tall soldiers, she had always loved Amelia’s small stature and the ability to feel like she could protect her from anything. Ironically though, the blonde was currently stuck stateside because she couldn’t even protect herself.

Prepared for the onslaught of questions, Danielle turned and made her way to the hotel’s mini-bar, grabbing a water bottle from the refrigerator – trying not to visibly wince at bending over. “Woah, woah.” Dani smirked, amused by Amelia’s clear concern. “Let’s start with a drink,” she opened her own bottle and took a swig. “You want anything?” Admittedly, Danielle was putting off the rationale behind her brief dismissal, mostly because she wasn’t sure how the brunette was going to take it. Would she be mad? Sad? Unbothered? Truthfully, Danielle didn’t know which she’d prefer.

Moving over to the large queen-sized bed in the middle of the room, Dani took a seat on the edge, patting the spot beside her, indicating that she wanted Amelia to sit before she started. “Come here,” she demanded in a soft voice, which made it sound more like a request. “Maybe I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to distract you from your test,” Dani theorized with a wiggle of her dark brows. “And maybe I got a hotel room because I knew you’d be tired and want to rest.” It was all bullshit, but a good stalling tactic, as Danielle teased Amelia lightly about her motives.

“It’s terrible, isn’t it? I don’t think it has completely sunk in yet — I keep thinking it was just a bad dream, or something…” She sighed and shook her head with soft intention. “Oh, yes of course I’m sure. Please, it would be my pleasure. At least then I’ve done something nice today,” she said in jest, not because she had done bad things, but because she had done nothing at all in fact.

“I won’t say I’ll never try it again, because that’s a very bold statement, but I don’t think I liked it that much to repeat… or make it my daily go-to source of caffeine. I’ll stick to espresso machines or old drip coffee even if it’s rather bland.”

Danielle almost immediately felt bad when Amelia came into view. Her girlfriend looked exhausted – and knowing her, Dani knew that she had probably spent the past couple of days awake and vibrating with caffeine to study for her test. Still, even with the bags under her eyes and the oversized sweater enveloping her small stature, Danielle had never seen anyone more beautiful. The reality of the last six months or so of only seeing her through a screen always made for strange reunions – but not in a bad way. Danielle was just always so blown away by being within arms reach of Amelia again, after spending so long without physical touch at all. It took her a moment to warm up to it.

“Hey,” Dani smiled back, letting Amelia take all the time she needed to adjust to her physical presence and move forward. However, when she did, Dani immediately tensed, not knowing what a hug might feel like against her wounds; she was already having a hard time just standing there with the ache in her ribs. Still, she wanted so badly to feel Amelia against her again, but knew that it would probably have to be after coming clean about her injury so that she knew which area to avoid. Due to this, Danielle decided to gently curve the hug, placing her hands on Amelia’s upper arms to stop her body before it collided against her own – in a soft way, of course – and brought her in for a kiss instead.  

Amelia’s lips tasted like coming home – familiar, warm, and cushioning. A perfect place to land after a hellish tour that had landed Danielle on the brink of death. It was an odd phenomenon, as Dani had a brief bout of deja vu where she flashed back to the battlefield after being shot. She didn’t remember much – only feeling cold and like she was slipping from the grasp of reality – but Dani began to recall the feeling of Amelia’s lips being the last thing she had envisioned before fading away to unconsciousness. Almost like a kiss of death; but the good kind, coaxing her into safety instead of the panic of dying. 

Separating the kiss once the deja vu became too much to handle – and before other, more dark and painful memories had the chance of bubbling to the surface – Danielle gave Amelia’s arms a gentle squeeze, and then she stepped back. With a small smile, she moved aside. “Come in,” she declared, knowing that Amelia was about to unleash a barrage of questions that Dani felt more comfortable answering in the privacy of her room instead of in the hallway where anyone could hear.

Amelia didn’t object as her girlfriend pulled her in for a kiss instead of a hug -- she had missed those lips so much, she would take as many kisses as she could get while she was here. They didn’t get a lot of time together, something the brunette hated quite a bit. If she could, she would spend every hour of every day with Danielle. She was not about to tell the blonde to quit her job -- she knew how much it meant to her, but she was already looking forward to one day hopefully get her all to herself, without any battlefields waiting just around the corner.

Danielle smirked knowingly to herself when Jamie declared, sarcastically, that fighting over pajamas was their favorite thing to do. Despite their tone of voice, Dani knew that it was, indeed, their favorite thing to do. The weathered veteran had never seen anyone slip so easily into parenthood like Jamie had. They were made for this – chasing, fighting, and corralling included. Peeking over at the brunette as they also came to terms with how big Luca was getting, Dani chuckled lowly and outreached a hand to slap Jamie’s behind as they retreated from the kitchen.

Spending time alone in the kitchen as she cooked dinner gave Danielle a lot of time to reflect and just relax. She didn’t get much alone time anymore – not with her spouse, son, and dog always lingering around in some capacity. She didn’t mind much at all, since she enjoyed all of their company, but it was nice to just have a little while to spend alone with her thoughts every now and then. Of course, she could still hear Jamie and Luca’s vague voices with her enhanced, military-trained hearing, but it brought comfort in this large house.

It didn’t take long to finish cooking, as she had just whipped up some of Luca’s favorite macaroni and cheese, along with throwing a salad together for the adults. So when she was done, Dani set the table, including Luca’s bib by his high chair since Jamie would be exasperated if he got messy again after his bath. She then filled up Luca’s sippy cup with apple juice, and two glasses of fermented grape juice for herself and Jamie.

“Dinner’s ready,” Danielle declared as she walked through the door of Luca’s safari-themed bedroom, and approached the en-suite bathroom, only for a naked little boy with wet, shaggy blonde hair to almost run directly into her legs in escape. Due to her reflexes, Danielle was able to scoop Luca up before the collision and cradle the toddler in her embrace as Jamie came running out of the bathroom after him, holding his pajamas. “Looking for this?” Dani asked the brunette with a smirk.

There were worse things to do with Luca than try and get him into a bath, but it also wasn’t the easiest thing out there. He was way too busy playing with Patriot to really pay any attention to Jamie, who was desperately trying to get him out of his clothes and into the warm water. It was a playful fight between the two of them, but it lasted what felt like forever until the little boy was finally sitting in the warm water, his attention directed towards his favorite bathtub toys while Jamie was rubbing shower gel into his skin, and shampoo into his light blonde hair, always paying attention that none of it would run into his eyes -- there was no worse way to end his day than to let that happen. He wouldn’t stop screaming as if it was the worst pain he had ever experienced ( quite the boy there, Jamie thought to themselves with a smirk ).

“I’m a bitch, I’m a lover, I’m a child, I’m a—Holy shitballs! I didn’t even hear you knock! Put a goddamn bell around your neck next time to spare me from having a heart attack at twenty-two. For the love of Ariana Grande, you scared the shit out of me. What’s up, were you in the neighborhood or just hankering to scare a bitch today?”

“I... did knock? But apparently you didn’t hear me. I could have guessed that. But -- what? No, of course not, I’m not trying to hanker anyone. I was actually just in the neighborhood. No murderous plans there.”

“This morning I went to put my regular order of coffee in and the barista asked if I wanted it from tap… I was so confused, I honestly double checked that I hadn’t, in fact, walked into the bar instead of the coffee shop. No. There’s such a thing called nitro coffee. I’m not sure how I feel about it yet.”

“Nitro coffee? I can’t say I’ve ever heard that before. I didn’t even know it could exist. And it sounds kind of weird, if you ask me. I’m not... entirely sure I would trust coffee coming out of a tap, no matter how good it might taste.”

“So I guess you heard the news too, huh?” Sera looked up from her drink — bourbon was her go-to, something her mom insisted she had inherited from her dad, which he was oddly proud of. Sera would normally spare him a thought when she sat down at a bar like this in the middle of the day and had his favourite drink, but her mind was too preoccupied today after the news about the murders broke. “Either way, the next round is on me,” she said, looking at the person next to her with a sad smile on her lips.

“Who hasn’t?” Jamie asked quietly, a soft sigh slipping from their lips. The news seemed to be hanging over the city like a dark cloud, and it was hard to miss them. For Jamie it was even harder not to let them affect them. “Are you sure? I can pay for my own drink just fine, you know.”