#1 Toki Wartooth Apologist

raiee your hand if you've been personally victimized by smosh reading fic on stream and saying "cummies" multiple times

im getting my oil changed and i heard the mechanic go "tee hee hee". whats happening

Not enough people are insane about The X Files

there are literally worse things than being in a saw trap like for instance openly expressing that you have wants and needs and are a real person

you'll just be minding ur business and then suddenly the air smells like an august evening in 2005

I cant with these boys

agent scully your cringefail loser boyfriend has broken into a government facility again

i think there's a non-zero chance that at some point around seasons 1-3 scully fell asleep on the couch watching a history channel documentary about world war ii naval battles only to wake up at 2am to the sound of mulder's voice, panic thinking he broke into her apartment, and then realize he's a guest talking head on some proto-ancient aliens show. and then she mocks him mercilessly about it the next day at work.

I love that Scully is so deeply deeply possessive of Mulder from day one. Girl calm down no one is taking him from you!! You’re the only one that even likes him!!

sometimes i wonder if scully ever leaves reviews for the motels they're staying at.

"acceptable mattress quality, nice sheets, room was burned down by an artist but otherwise okay. 3.5 stars"

"wonderful view, rustic charm, good water pressure in the shower. i was kidnapped in the middle of the night and the lock lasted a surprising amount of time before being kicked in. 4.7 stars"

she takes her field reports very seriously.

Mulder truly is the male character of all time. He's a whore. He's repressed. He almost dies more times that I can count on one hand. He gets into physical fights with his boss. He believes in aliens. He's right about the aliens. Scully holds him on her lap and strokes his back once. He wears a kickass coat. His first name is Fox, for God's sake.

the x files should’ve done a gag where at the end of the episode both mulder and scully are seen writing up their reports (aka thinly veiled excuses to wax philosophically) and both are doing their monologues at the same time so it overlaps and turns into nonsense and then it cuts to skinner at his desk with his head in his hands as he tries to cut through the bullshit and figure out how they actually wrapped up the case of the mysterious knife alien

Eminem’s life story is actually mine

He took my wallet and lived on my dime

the film 8 Mile was based off me, for real

Eminem lied and i just couldn’t deal

So I moved to the burbs, under a house

Live in a crawl space, rap with a mouse :(

If my rhyming isn’t great, can you really blame me?

That man lived my life and then tried to defame me!

I’m just out of practice because my crib is a hole

will i ever take back what Eminem stole?

(high pitched backup vocals: his only friends are two mice and a mole)

Funniest x files moment is the jersey devil episode when scully goes on a date and it doesn't go well and she has a character development moment about weighing how much she wants a normal life and relationship vs being dedicated to her career and the x files. And then it cuts to mulder looking intently at a drawing of a bigfoot with boobs