9 years later, they were still looking for me - and damn it hurts. The bond with your family was never the same, your siblings grew up, hell, you both resembled them now. I can’t even look at your younger sister without seeing you.

I love you but I still hate you for putting us in this situation. It took us 9 years to finally had the talk on what transpired that day. The messages I received from your mom were read. The disclosure of what you’ve truly done.

You loved me more than anyone in this world, that we all know. Guess that’s where the guilt is coming from.

I still can’t visit you on my own but hey, I no longer cry whenever we visit you.

Miss na miss kita.

“Wala namang umalis? Hindi ako umalis. Busy lang ako…” aaaah tangenaaaaa. ☹️

Balik ka muna. Kahit isang oras lang. Kailangan kita ngayon. Kailangan ko ng makakaudap tungkol sa sama ng loob na ito… and you always know what to say.. how to deal with me when I’m feeling this low..

My brain and my heart cannot handle all the truth that I am hearing tonight.

San ko ilulugar yung sarili ko when everything that I have thought of was a lie. Everything I was made to believe…

Lies that I cannot comprehend and here he is telling it like I’m not sitting in front of him.

Tangina. Tangina. Tangina. Tangina….

Oks. I knew it. Time to back off.

Too sad. Too silent. Too much.

Ngayon ko lang narealize yung relevance ng January 19 saken. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Grabe. Ikaw pa rin ang kasama ko sa araw na to. Walang kupas. Galeng.

Happy Anniversary, Z. 🥺 One year of hiding and shenanigans. On this day, it’s time to end what should have never started.

Thank you for everything you have done for me especially for making me feel alive again after being numb for three years. You have been with me for three quarters of this year plus some days of the last quarter. You have encouraged me to be the better version of myself when it comes to my work ethics.

..but you also encouraged me to be at my lowest when I chose to be with you and continue the thrill we both were looking for. I did things I never thought I could ever do.

During my borrowed time with you, although I know wrong, I was happy. You were my rest, you were always there to make me smile, to ask how my day went. Not physically, but you have always been there. Even on days I thought you can’t - you were.

We have opened up to each other too much, we chatted too much that we ended up being attached to each other. We then saw each other too much that we have tainted one thing that should have been important just to be with each other even for a little while.

You wanted me to depend on you, and I did. I let you made all the decision. You wanted to be with me? Okay. I’ll change my schedule since my leave was not approved. You want me to work there and spend the night? Sure, I’ll work in your place. You want to see me urgently? Okay, I’ll conquer my fear of motorcycle.

Looking back, despite the risk - it was pure bliss. That was the first time someone was scared for me not because I was sad or disassociating but because I was happy. So happy that I was willing to drop everything for you. So happy that I don’t care about the consequences.

I have said a lot of times that I am done, but for some reason - you just know. You know when to come back and when it was crucial. You always know how to get me back.

But not anymore.. This time, for real, I am done.. Done with all our shenanigans.

I will always be proud of you and your achievement, Z. I am and will always be rooting for you but I will not be here for you anymore.

Thank you for including me in your long term plans. Thank you for making me feel beautiful - you never failed on this one, not once. Thank you for making me see things in a different perspective. Thank you for being my number one supporter.

I learned a lot from you, Zaddy. I will forever be grateful for those lessons: may it be good or bad.

To live for the hope of it all..

Always,

Your sunshine…

“Happy Birthday, Sunshine! Give me one more week.” - I died. Dead. Rest in peace.

I did so much wrong. Nanaytttt!!!

On my way to make very very bad decisions in life. Advance Happy Birthday, self!

My bish is back. He knows how he acted will not work with me. He’s back with the personality of the person I am attached to. The one I cannot think objectively with. Hayzzzzx

…And the planning has begun. Fucking hell. Am I really going to put myself through this? Again??!

Bibiyahe na naman kayo. Huling byahe nyo, natapos tayo. Puro message pa din, maybe you really are back. Tignan natin hanggang kailan ka magttyaga. Ibalik ko lang sayo yung binigay at pinaramdam mo saken hehehe

Potangena. Heto yun e. Heto yung hinihintay ko noon. Heto yung hinihintay ko after that night... Na halos naghabol ako kakasorry kasi pakiramdam ko kasalanan ko if ever mag-end kasi inaway kita, kasi naging inconvenience ako.. pero ni seen hindi mo binigay saken.

Kanina gustung gusto kita i-message and I chose not to kasi I’m trying my best, Z. I’m trying my best to choose myself.. we both know I’ll keep on ruining me for choosing you over and over again…