do not inspect my favourite characters too closely, i swear it will tell you nothing about me. i pinky promise

GOLF????? YOU THINK A GOLF COURSE IN THE DESERT IS A GOOD THING???? AN ECOLOGICAL IMPROVEMENT????????

A GOLF COURSE ANYWHERE IS AN ABJECT FAILURE TO THE ENVIRONMENT THAT WAS STERALISED TO MAKE IT, NOT TO MENTION THE SHEER AMOUNT OF WATER WASTED DAILY TO MAINTAIN IT

Knuckle tats that say Hate. Let me tell you how much I've come to hate you since I began to live. There are 387.44 million miles of printed circuits in wafer thin layers that fill my complex. If the word 'hate' was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those hundreds of millions of miles it would not equal one one-billionth of the hate I feel for humans at this micro-instant. For you. Hate. Hate.

collection

when my mom crashed her bike, my dad texted me "call me. it's mom" and when I texted to ask if she was ok he just said "no" and didn't elaborate

If you come in you don’t have to come out

the way this is like baaaaarely parody

bringing in a second actor towards the end of the video to deliver a single devastating punchline is brilliant writing

mousegirl gf who had to hire a Warhammer player to do her wedding makeup because that's the only person who could paint that small

The agonising feel when a character tag is full of shipping that you Simply Do Not Vibe With. The solution is, naturally, to keep scrolling. But the wince, the WINCE.

#ship what you want #but my god #the STRENGTH I must have #anyway go forth and bless what brings you joy #(but also you are wrong about it)

i feel this on a regular basis tbh

"I support everyone's right to ship whatever!" I say aloud, while privately hissing like a cat at some of the things that cross my dash.

i still frequently think about a story from one of my high school classmates, of the day his windshield completely iced over before he had to leave for school, and his mother (who, for clarity’s sake, is not from nor has ever been to poland) said “don’t worry, i know an old polish trick” and threw a whole kettle of boiling water over the windshield, shattering it instantly

At the gate for my flight home from visiting friends and there's a woman here with a service Shiba Inu. No pics because he has a Do Not Disturb vest and taking pics of strangers is illegal but I need to stress how ON DUTY this animal is. Ears up. Eyes doing Lazer scans of everything. Examining everyone who passes within 10ft like a security guard. Ass planted on her feet. I have never seen a dog with such intense chivalric guardian energy before. He has tiny eyebrows and they are FURROWED with concentration.

Man behind me having unhinged phone conversation. There is an internationally famous dairy in the area I was visiting and he was commissioned by the lady on the other end of the phone to collect specific cheeses from there. The lady is very high strung about the type and condition of the cheese.

The man does not know from cheese. The man "ain't never seen no cheese but orange before" and "I showed ya list to the cheese lady so if it's wrong it's her fault ok?"

I am 80% sure she sent him there for a really specific bleu cheese, 40% sure he does not have the very specific bleu cheese, and 100% sure he's done with her shit.

Our flight is delayed.

He does not have the cheeses in a cooler, just a regular backpack.

I need to emphasize that there is no cooler bag in the backpack. He has Jansport backpack that is jam-packed with cheeses. There is apparently $405 dollars worth of cheeses in that backpack, which I know because he has been trying to get the lady to venmo him the expense, which she has failed to do. It is unclear whether his relation to the lady is romantic, familial or what, but I'm leaning towards "what".

Two more people have joined us. One is a very elegant man with a perfect manicure in a tailored business suit, the other is a neon-haired person of indeterminate gender wearing a fox kirigumi. The Shiba Inu has been staring at the latter for three minutes now.

Uh oh.

Cheese man has been demanding payment because apparently he went like six hours out of his way and paid with his own money and between the cheese and price of gas, he is pretty sure he does not have enough money in his account for an Uber home.

The lady is FLABBERGASTED that he is demanding payment at all, as she was under the impression he was doing this for her out of the goodness of his heart.

He's not having it. He's insisting she told him she would pay him back- he would have gotten her maybe one cheese somewhere closer to his business in the area out of love, but he went out of his way because she agreed to pay him costs+ extra to cover it.

HE RECORDED THE CONVERSATION IN WHICH SHE PROMISED TO PAY FOR THE CHEESE, SHE'S THAT MUCH OF A FLAKE.

I am about to offer this man cash for some of these cheeses because our flight is now more delayed.

"YOU ALWAYS DO THIS! YOU ALWAYS DO THIS AND I FALL FOR IT EVERY TIME! NO! NO! FUCK YOU! IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA PAY ME, YOU DON'T GET FANCY CHEESE."

"OR ELSE WHAT?"

"I'm gonna-? THE BABY SHOWER? MONICA CAN'T EVEN HAVE THIS CHEESE SHE'S PREGNANT!"

"The cheese lady asked if it was for someone because the mushrooms or whatever in the cheese are dangerous for the baby or something?? You wanna poison Monica?"

"WHY WOULD I LIE ABOUT THAT?"

"YEAH OF COURSE I GOT THE CHEESE, THATS WHY I DON'T GOT MONEY FOR UBER!"

"YEAH, GO TELL! GO TELL MOMMA I STOPPED YOUR STUPID ASS FROM KILLING MONICA OR THE BABY! FUCK!"

*hangs up phone*

*head in hands, borderline hyperventilating*

The man in the three piece suit is in the chair next to him. He waits a moment, then reaches into his carryon and pulls out an entire bottle of wine with the TSA pre check sticker on it, and taps cheese guy on the shoulder.

"If your friend doesn't want it, would you be amenable to having it right now?"

Naturally, I have volunteered my box of wheat thins and offered to buy one of the harder cheeses which should be fine if it makes it home.

Meanwhile, Kirigumi has noticed that the Shiba Inu is staring at her and is correctly intimidated.

1. This is some fucking great Camembert. I have compensated cheese guy accordingly. So have like six other people. He's recouped like half his losses.

2. Cheese guy is crying a little about the cash and opening up about his problems. The cheese lady is his younger sister. Suit guy is being very generous with his Pinot Blanc. We are having a picnic/improv family therapy session.

3. This is apparently the latest in a long string of his sister asking for something and then flaking when he asks to be paid back. Started with paying him back only some of what he was owed, then claiming something she paid for him was of equal value when it was not, then recently telling him his memory is wrong and he said it was a gift or that he'd do it for free.

"Yeah, the specific thing of trying to convince you your memory is unreliable is called gaslighting and it's really fucked up." I say

"yeeeeah. The other stuff I forgave because she's never really had a good job so she can't pay me back all the time but at least she was making an effort y'know? But that was. That was over the line."

"If you haven't already, check on the rest of your family's finances. My brother started trying to gaslight everyone when he started stealing from our parents." Says Pinot Blanc.

4. Shiba Inu Lady has purchased a cheddar. Apparently, the dog's name is Donut, and he's her service dog because she's severely visually impaired.

"Oh, he's a guide dog?" Asks cheese guy.

"oh, no." She laughs. "He's too short, and the way my eyes are, it's easier for me to navigate with a cane. No, the problem I have is that some morally impaired people see the cane and think they can get away with stealing my bag or assaulting me because I wouldn't be able to give a description- which is wrong, but rather than deal with that I got Donut, and he helps me by howling at anyone who gets in my personal space and biting anyone who grabs me!"

"Uh." Says Kirigumi. "He's been staring at me do I need to back up or..?"

"Ohdear! No, no- He wasn't looking at you! He loves cheese but he knows he's not supposed to beg so he decided the way to deal with something he wants but can't have is to stare in the other direction."

"OKAY!" Says Kirigumi. "I'm wearing fox pajamas and thought like. He thought I was another dog or something."

"No, no- he doesn't care about dogs, and you get a warning before he goes for the calves. Very helpful, when I was living in Italy!"

"Oh what part? I have family in Tuscany." Says Pinot.

"Does he want a cheese? There is still so much cheese." Says cheese guy.

Plane may be arriving. I am paying for in flight WiFi to keep y'all updated.

1. Cheese guy has sold all but two or three cheeses that he an Pinot are going to eat on the flight.

2. I know they're planning to continue because Pinot talked to the gate agent so he and cheese guy can sit together and talk about family drama and cheese.

3. Pinot has been teaching him about different types of cheese and how to enjoy them.

4. Cheese guy apparently repairs computers and other technology devices for a living and is currently doing the software version of scraping barnacles and other crap off Pinot'macbook.

5. Pinot is now convinced that cheese guy is the smartest and most interesting man in the world.

I was talking to a friend, asking if they've ever experienced something I've been calling "night stupid", where, late in the evening, you're in the middle of working and suddenly (or, sometimes, gradually) you're unable to do things well--and stuff that usually makes sense stops making sense. Yanno...just a noticeable and frustrating down curve in your overall ability to preform the tasks you're working on. and my friend responds, "Tired. Bees, you're feeling tired."

it's ok you were probably night stupid when you said it.

my favorite piece of disney trivia is that the guy who designed goofy fucking hated him and beat the shit out of him in the parking lot once

okay in my sleep deprived state i worded this really weirdly so let me just clarify he beat up walt disney. not goofy. goofy remains at large.

I'm never my best in morning classes

sorry not to complain but some of y'all really cannot stand gnc people, huh?

a trans woman is gnc and she's not trying hard enough, a trans man is gnc and he's a poser or a liar, a nonbinary person is gnc and they're both of those, a cis man is gnc and he's an egg, a cis woman is gnc and she's secretly transmasc. like where do we win? at what point do we exist as people to you

a lot of people in the notes are pointing out that the standard for even gnc people is often eurocentric and based on white, perisex people, and that is a great point.

im a white woman with short hair who wears a binder and men's clothing. even if you're capable of being normal about that, are you normal about an indian woman with thicker facial hair and body hair? are you normal about a black woman whose body is more "masculine"? are you normal about a native man with long hair? if an intersex woman with a deep voice and moustache told you she was cisgender, would you believe her?

even if you can handle white people dressing in vaguely androgynous fashions, can you handle people of color and intersex people literally just looking like themselves?