idk if anyone remembers me here, but i got my tumblr password back! almost one and a half years later, here i am. sorry for leaving suddenly! i don't think i'll go back to writing fanfics but who knows, right? sorry to everyone who sent requests that i didn't answer as well. it's really nice to see all the love you gave my stories after all this time!! love all of you, mar

eleanor douglas - eleanor & park

"in the postcard, there were only three words"

moodboards (2/?)

mare barrow - war storm (red queen volume 4)

"to rise, and rise alone"

moodboards (1/?)

Secrets

I’M BACKKKK! Okay, so, clearly, school is a bitch. School and the fact that I haven’t been feeling well lately made me take a loooong time to update. But here it is! Btw, most of this was written since last Friday. A week and a day ago. I just had to write the final scene and it was hard for me to get time + motivation. But your requests are making me so happy and so inspired! Thank you so much!

Request: Could you write a Luke alvez x reader where the reader is part of the team and had a difficult past but confides in Luke?

Warnings: Mentions of rape, I think that’s it.

Word Count: 1,5K

Pairings: Luke Alvez x Friend! Reader (I didn’t know if you wanted romance or not, so I opted not to make them a couple. I think it fits better the story <3)

“Hey, (y/n)!”

“How are you today, (y/n)?”

“Take care, (y/n).”

“Glad to see you, (y/n).”

Those were the words you heard everyday from your coworker, Luke Alvez.

“Hey, Luke!”

“I’m good, how about you, Luke?”

“You too, Luke.”

“Glad to see you too, Luke.”

This was how you answered.

You were friends. You hung out outside of work, you told things to each other… You were friends.

Becoming close with Luke Alvez seemed like a fairly good idea when you met. You were the two new agents on the BAU. You knew no one. So, while you got closer to the team, you also got closer and closer to each other.

But he didn’t know everything about your life.

He knew most of it. He knew about your experiences in school, he knew about your family… He didn’t know about the most important thing. The thing that gave you goosebumps, that kept you up at night. No one knew about it.

Except for your family and Hotch. Probably Garcia, too. He had your file and she probably had done a background search on you when you entered the BAU. They kept it a secret. And you were so grateful for that.

But the next case would be in Baltimore. And last time you were able to fool everyone and say you were getting nightmares because of the case. But this time, you were going to share a room with Luke. And you were super nervous.

He was your best friend. He would support you if you told him.

But would he? Or would he start to treat you differently?

Best case scenario, he’d start to look at you with pity every case and start treating you like you were made of glass.

You didn’t want that.

And the nervousness didn’t get better when you two entered the room and saw that there was only one bed.

You wouldn’t be comfortable. You knew it. You weren’t comfortable being in Baltimore and you weren’t comfortable sleeping in a bed with someone else. You definitely wouldn’t be comfortable doing both at the same time.

But you decided to do it anyway. If you didn’t you were sure you’d have to explain. If you did, there was a slight chance you wouldn’t have nightmares. Or that you’d stay still having them. It had happened before.

But you’d never divided a bed with a man in Baltimore ever since the worst day of your life.

You had never.

And you would now.

You sighed and asked yourself why had everyone left you alone to sleep with a man.

They don’t know you’re still traumatized, you idiot.

You’d passed your psychological exams. You were cleared. Not even Hotch knew you still had nightmares about it.

“Are you okay?” a voice took you out of your thoughts.

“Yeah, Luke. I’m just a bit tired.”

It’s not like you were afraid of Luke, or something like that. You trusted Luke completely. He’d never do something like that.

You didn’t trust yourself. You didn’t trust yourself to be quiet, to have a peaceful night, to even fall asleep.

“You can take a shower first” Luke offered, taking off his shoes.

“Thank you, Luke” you answered, taking your bag to the bathroom with you.

You quickly locked the door and stripped. You analyzed your naked body. There were no scars. Nothing that could remember you of that day.

Only your mind.

For a moment, you asked yourself if that happened at all. Were you delusional? Were you creating traumatic events? No, you quickly thought. You could remember the feeling of the handcuffs on your wrists too well not to be real.

You slowly sighed. You felt dirty. You entered the shower and turned the water on, after taking your soap inside it.

You scrubbed, scrubbed, scrubbed, but it seemed like the dirtiness would never get off you. After a while, you just gave up. You shouldn’t be a burden, making Luke wait that much.

You got out of the shower, dried off,  and put on some comfortable clothes. Sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt, so you wouldn’t feel triggered for being exposed. Even more.

“I can sleep in the couch, if you’d like” you had told him when you first discovered you’d sleep together. Well, not together. In the same bed.

“Nah, it’s okay” he’d answered. “I mean, if you’re okay with it. I can sleep on the couch if you’re not.”

You’d said he could sleep in the bed with you. Why had you done that? Oh, your idiot need to please everybody, make everybody feel comfortable.

And now there you were, lying down in a bed. You started thinking of anything, anything that wasn’t your past, while Luke was in the shower. You needed to sleep. Since you were tired, it didn’t take long. Your mind drifted off as you closed your eyes.

 You felt some pressure on your waist. A hand. It was trailing down. It touched your sweatpants. No, you couldn’t let whoever was that person do that. You couldn’t. You tried pushing the hand far from you, you tried, but it was stronger. You screamed, “no”. You couldn’t, you couldn’t, you couldn’t…

“(Y/n), (y/n), wake up!” you heard a distant voice.

You needed to hold on to that voice. It was going to pull you out of that nightmare, make it not real.

“Wake up, wake up!” the voice was louder now, it seemed like it was closer.

You suddenly opened your eyes, and you comprehended what you had just done.

You’d had a nightmare. About that day. And you had screamed. In front of Luke. Your coworker, your friend.

“I’m sorry” you apologized as you sat down.

You only realized the tears on your cheeks when Luke wiped them away.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.

You didn’t know how to answer, you didn’t know how to feel. Did you want to vent for him? You didn’t know.

Maybe you should. You should explain to him that there was a reason behind that breakdown. You needed to explain yourself.

“Luke, I think I should tell you something…” you said, quietly.

“What is it, (y/n), please, so I can help you?” he asked.

“You can’t help me with that, Luke. I was…” you stopped. You could do this. “I was… I was…” your voice kept trembling, and your hands, shaking. “A man, he… I…” why couldn’t you do this? “Once, here in Baltimore, a man…” you were frustrated. Why didn’t you let yourself finish the sentence?

“A man raped you, is that it?” Luke asked, blatantly. You just nodded, tears falling. “Son of a bitch!” he exclaimed.

“He… He…” your voice was trembling again. You couldn’t let it. “He tied me up in a hotel bed, and…”

You were almost pulling your hair out. And then, suddenly, you just broke down. You hugged Luke, your face on his chest, wetting the T-shirt he was using.

“Shhh, it’s okay. It’s okay” he whispered, while you held on tighter and let it go, closing your eyes, drifting away from your thoughts again.

Luke watched you as you were asleep, still hugged with him. He wanted to hold onto you like this forever. He wanted to be there with you at all times, he wanted to protect you. But he knew he’d need to let you go. He didn’t want the events of that night to happen again.

He slowly lay you in bed, being careful not to wake you up. Then, he went to the room couch and got comfortable there. He fell asleep fast.

When you woke up the next day, you almost couldn’t figure out why you were so tired. Just after a few seconds wanting to close your eyes again, the events of the night appeared in your head. Luke was already up and dressed for work.

“Morning” he greeted, with his signature smirk.

“Morning” you smiled back, but got serious almost immediately. “Luke, about last night, I–”

“You don’t have to explain, or apologize” he relaxed you. “It’s not your fault, and it’s okay.”

“I was actually going to thank you” you told him, smiling.

“No need to thank either” he chuckled lightly.

You got your clothes and went to the bathroom to shower. After you were ready, you and Luke went down to have breakfast with the rest of the team. You all had solved the case quickly – thanks to loads of coffee – and could go back home in the afternoon.

You were sat down in a seat on the jet. There was an unoccupied seat in front of you, which was quickly taken by Luke.

“Hey” he said, with a little smile.

“Hey” you smiled back.

“I’m sorry about yesterday. You didn’t have to tell me anything. I’m just… I’m sorry” he apologized.

“Luke, don’t be sorry. Look, I didn’t tell you just because that happened and I felt like I needed too” you explained yourself. “I told you because you are my best friend, and I trust you. If I didn’t, I’d just have created a lie. Seriously.”

“Really? You really consider me your best friend and told me that because you trust me?” he asked, his face lighting up.

You smiled at him.

“Of course, you silly!” you chuckled. “Luke, I love you.”

“I love you too.”