childe getting accused of the serial disappearances, which started over twenty years ago, like

ppl managing to live where they grew up is really bizarre to me

Hi! Croatian here. As an inland country, I found a job processing uranium. We have a lot of it.

God I wish I was processing uranium in Croatia

I think about this post every day

Hey, another Croatian here! Croatia has a coastline and I can’t find a single mention of uranium in Croatia. I don’t know what kind of paralel universe this person is from.

Roommate went out of town once, asked me to look after her cat.

Night one she comes down meowing at me. I go check her food/water, they're full. Litter box empty. Make sure my roommate's door is still open and she's not locked out of her room or something. I try to pet her and she dodges me, offer her treats and she won't have it, try playing with her but she won't play, try just ignoring her and she won't stop following me around meowing at me.

So I call my roommate, concerned maybe she was sick or in pain and that's why she was being so insistent despite having all her needs met.

Roommate goes: "OH! She wants you to go to bed. Go upstairs to my room and just sit in my bed with her for a few minutes. She should curl up and get comfortable. Once shes laid down she usually lets me go back to what I'm doing she just can't seem to go to bed on her own"

Sure enough, I go sit on roommates bed and she just happily jumps up, curls up on the blanket, and purrs herself to sleep.

I like when cats try to give their humans healthy habits.

From Theophile Gautier, mid-19th century, about his very floofy white cat:

Cats : trying to make us go to bed at a Reasonable Time since forever (so they can wake us up at 3 am for treats)

Thinking about when I worked at a shitty restaurant + one night it was just me + 3 other women on closing shift, so some guy came in the back and waved a knife around, presumably for money but I’m not actually certain, bc he was met with the bartender holding a much bigger knife, a tiny teenager wielding a cast iron pan, an elderly woman holding up a crockpot of clearly boiling water, and me, turning on the meat slicer with eye contact for maximum effect. He left, but the moral of the story is not girl power or whatever, it’s just. Why the fuck would you threaten a room full of underpaid and sleep-deprived blue-collar workers surrounded by lethal weapons.

Even ignoring the quantity of workers or weaponry, I think there’s something special about specifically

not the

not the shar

not the sharpest kn

motherfucker said PROFESSIONAL

Here on tumblr we are all professionals.

You know what? Fuck you.

*unshrinkies your dinks*

no..... my dinks....

*unskrinkies you*

when andrew garfield’s peter parker was saving ppl in cars hanging from a bridge and that one little kid is too scared to climb up so he rips off his own mask and says “see? i’m just a guy” like. mcu really truly could never have such a simple and compassionate moment ever

no offense but if your friend is trying out a new hobby be fucking nice to them

friends say hurtful things, whether it's out of jealousy, trying to be funny, etc. I don't believe it usually means they're an irredeemable person who you need to cut off. I just think we should be mindful of how snarkiness can impact someone's confidence and likelihood to keep pursuing their interests

*walks up to the bar* get me a white gilgamesh. and make it warm, its gonna be a long night

TWO THIRDS BEER AND ONE THIRD MILK

FROM A GOAT OR OF ITS ILK

GOES DOWN HARSH, IT ISNT GOOD

MAKES YOU FEEL YOURE MADE OF WOOD

WHITE GILGAMESH IT MAKE YOU SICK

JUST TOO FOUL, JUST TOO THICK

you guys werent supposed to actually drink this

somehow knowing that tumblr is being kept around mostly as a testing ground for advertisers and corporations doesn’t even make me feel that exploited, because every social media site is exploitive. but being basically lab rats to test shit on before it’s refined for use in polite society is by far the funniest possible way to be exploited.

#yeah maybe i’m a marketing lab rat but at least my dash is in fucking chronological order

this ad appeared right after i read this post.

so yeah, they’re testing something, but in true lab rat fashion we have no fucking clue what

my first word was dada. yes like the art movement i was a precocious child

"I've been thinking about" something I've thought of for 5 seconds

"it just occurred to me" this has been bugging me for 11 years.

we all have that one homie who volunteers to take first watch that they might contemplate the heavens in solitude

Fool that he is, not realizing that it then falls to him to comfort the party member most troubled by their burdens when sleep eludes them.