whatr if i exploded you right now would you be angry

i would explode with you . lets explode together

“Am I getting Ocean’s-ed 11-ed on my own f***ing show?!”

so i recently got top surgery and this was on my discharge papers after a mild complication

hey. im one of the people who does a specific and noticable thing right after you wake up so you realize youre in a timeloop. yeah im the guy who drops a bucket of paint off a ladder haha. yeah its a thankless job but i get paid per loop so like. dont learn your lesson too quick haha

As many of you know, I recently purchased an Uruk-Hai scimitar.

Well let me tell you, it was quite the pragmatic purchase. It has endless uses in my morning routine.

Such as making the bed:

Making toast:

Getting things off high shelves:

Making coffee:

Reaching the remote when it’s too far away:

And assisting me when I ran out of toilet paper:

I don't know how I survived life without it.

Happy 10 year anniversary to this dumbass post.

the years start comin’ and they sure don’t stop comin’

I have since moved out of my moms house, stopped destroying my hair with drugstore bleach, went back to school, got a job in tv, went through a pandemic, got married, quit that job, moved across the country, and gone back to school again to make video games.

The scimitar is proudly mounted on the stairs surrounded by LotR posters. It is still my most pragmatic purchase, aside from my bread machine. This bitch loves some fresh baked bread.

Anyways stay cool and stay kind everybody. <3

this tweet hasn't left my mind once in the two years since it's been posted

US state borders but they are based off rivers and mountains

@blinded-by-love

I think we should do this but leave Colorado alone so there’s just an extremely jarring rectangle in one part of this

I like how you think.

enough. to the Box with you

“Your pet would eat you if you died near it” yeah well so would a lot of people. My pet isn’t special. I give them food meal & never let them outside. Are they gonna open wet food themselves when I’m gone? Are you stupid? If I have to be the wet food to buy a little guy some time so be it. Fuck off

yay

please, untitled document was my father, call me untitled document (1)

listen i know each actor brings their own spice to a role, but i just can’t take timothee chalamet’s wonka seriously 

where is the madness behind his eyes??? the malice??? the complete disregard for the laws of mankind and decency???

this man makes me fear that i’ll be shoved into a taffy machine at the slightest provocation 

as! he! should!

I’m not gonna let this gem of a tag on this post go unnoticed.

Does anyone wanan play ants with me?

OK can i be the crumb

FUCK no your the wet soil pile

that video one of the greatest of all time. i just found 12 bricks. WOAH

womens clothing sizing is based on how much the company wants you to kill yourself

Imagine if a hog saw this

Wouldn’t be nearly as many mushrooms is all I’m saying

#this is how tumblr callout posts are structured

Took a wrong turn somewhere

i took a nap and woke up in all these goddam spinanch