Updated 2/2/2024:
I wouldn’t want to be a bother to everyone’s day by talking about my life, but I do hope to use the new year to explain my recent hiatus and talk about where I will be from here on.
2023, arguably the worst year in my life.
Looking back now, I’m stunned at how bad of a place I was just a few months prior, both physically and mentally. The whole year I was stuck in an environment driven by ego and vanity, where I saw people flaunt superiority at every possible chance and judge each other by the utility they could provide. It was one big room of hypocrisy and dishonesty, filled with snobbish and unsympathetic thoughts.
Having to stay day in and day out there was an erosive torture. I have no fond memories of my time there; I don’t even remember most of the days. My photo album is mostly empty in that period. I never felt belonged to or cared about, and soon enough I became numb, void of motivation or happiness.
Then, not long after “End Credits,” I lost my job amidst the massive layoffs and hiring freeze. And of course, the people around me only wanted to know if they could still reach people inside through me. My family also went through health issues at the time. By last fall, I became aware that I was at rock bottom. I saw no future and no means to secure one. At this rate, I’d put myself and my loved ones at risk and in distress.
For a while, I felt as if the world was actually falling apart. Even the channel became a haunting ghost, a past I don’t feel as part of me. “End Credits” was already done in struggles, and I haven’t updated the channel a bit since then. For months, I have been escaping, probably because I didn’t think I deserved this place anymore. The channel was set up to share appreciation for HTTYD with the community; I didn’t want to a layer of pain on it because of my personal life.
I got fortunate from there. I got in touch with old friends who helped out. My family stood by me with full heart. Knowing there was no place to back to anymore, I raised energy to fight. And somehow I fought out a way. After a couple of months of trying, a new place accepted me. Then came this winter, when I finally cut ties and moved to a new city to start working again. The old pain was put out of sight, once and for good.
It seemed that my luck finally turned around a bit; the new place has kinder people, and I now have friends to rely upon. There have been struggles still, but through time, I began to sense an old part of me return - a part that can find high spirits, a part that can spend moments carefree.
A part that loves life. A part that is capable of creativity again.
That was when I decided to turn on my computer, update the software, and work on some projects. The restart was well overdue, but it’s best to start now, and I feel at the right place to put in effort to show my gratitude for the support this community has been giving me. Just like I will work hard to reciprocate the love and help I received from the people close to me.
Up till this day, I’m still trying to put the pieces together and find the pace to move my life forward, but I know what I want; and I want to be back. I have thought about other franchises than HTTYD to edit for, but that’ll probably be on another channel - the main channel will be dedicated to Berk.
If you read this, thank you for your patience, and thank you for being there for me. I’m seeking my passion back, slowly but surely. I don’t want to give more empty promises, but for now, rest assured. There will be more to come.
Love, Chris
YT@ChrisEdward
