lil hide titty

I'm just not cut out for this life, I'm too sensitive, and I just can't take it anymore I just want to die because I'm tired of being overly sensitive about everything while no one fucking understands or cares

I just thought to myself "I don't wanna use tumblr, I don't wanna use reddit, I don't even want to think of pokemon right now, I just want to die." And I hate to say it, but its completely true ):

I understand that not many people follow this blog, but I do have some words I wish to say where I'm a little more anonymous.

Getting to the point of it, I've lived these past almost 3 or more years actively wanting to live, but after yesterday, all I crave is death. I'm a disappointment to my family, my mom thinks I'm awful, my brother will hardly talk to me, I don't have a bed at home (which i can hardly call home anymore bc everyone is so cold to me on the rare occasions im home), and im just so fucking sad and depressed. I've lost 150 lbs, but I still have so far to go. My friend keeps emotionally dumping on me and then telling me not to talk to her about anything im going through. I had a panic attack at my new job yesterday during my evaluation, only to come home to have mom tell me that im an ungrateful daughter who doesn't contribute anything and that if she could record me, she could show me just how awful I truly am.

My parents have tried to emotionally manipulate and control me for years, but at this point, im almost inclined to agree with my mom. There has to be a reason she keeps going off on me, it must be that I truly am awful to her. I'm just so tired of being a burden to everyone around me. I just wish I could kill myself so my family would no longer be disappointed in me. Then there wouldn't be a me to be disappointed in.

I'm an awful human being, and im tired of people taking and taking from me. The only thing really stopping me is my boyfriend. We've talked about it, we plan on being together until we pass, and I've told him that if anything were to happen to him, that I would never move on, but I gave him full permission to do so. It would be hard for him, for sure, but he can do so much better than me, this lump of a person I am.

Idk what im going to do, but im tempted to just take as many pills as I can get down and see if that works. Its not a set in stone plan, im searching for alternatives, but im just so fucking tired. I'll never be good enough, ill never get better, and ill never stop letting people take advantage of me. I just want to sleep. Forever.

I miss my porn blog that has 15k followers on it 😔 I wish tumblr never banned porn. I really enjoyed being able to ask honest questions from a less judgemental community

I’m listening to a mix CD that one of my dearest friends made for me back in high school, (or maybe after?? Idk time) but anyways, most of the songs are like, love songs?? I just, I never noticed?? idk how to even ask now ahhh

guess who just scored some acid!!!

last night some guy poured his weed for me to pack on my animal crossing hhd protective case for my ds and I feel like this is the weirdest timeline of my selves that I’m living in

I was going through omo fics on ao3 and I found one of my fav Homestuck ships that most everyone shits on (and like I get why but I have my reasons for liking it anyways) and it’s just so good 😭

also, THE NAMESAKE OF THIS BLOG (hide) IS BACK!!!! I GOTTA CATCH UP ON TG:RE AHHHHH!!!

does anyone still follow this blog even tho I haven't posted in forever? I just got caught up too much in life and haven't really had the time to blog tbh, but I'm doing okay (I think???). my new migraine meds don't work as well as my old ones so I can't consume caffeine without headaches but just fucking watch me drink coffee all day anyways B)

casual reminder that the new arcade fire album is terrible

I still can't believe he married a woman with the same name as me

I've made like $100 selling xans this week omg

why are all the Riverdale fics are written by 12 year olds?????

*cups hands around mouth* Jughead Jones is asexual!!!!

like, I get that I have shit health and that I'm constantly having weird health problems, I'm not looking for sympathy, but at least fucking acknowledging that I said something would be nice instead of blatantly ignoring me and bringing up someone else's health instead like ????? what the fuck?????